Comments Jokes
136 comments jokes and hilarious comments puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about comments that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Having a good laugh is the best part of browsing social media. Read our article where we discuss the different types of jokes that can be found in the comments of Facebook and Instagram posts, including rude comments, antijokes, and the effects of downvoting and replying.
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Funniest Comments Short Jokes
Short comments jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The comments humour may include short feedback jokes also.
- As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
- If I had a dollar for every downvote EA"s comment gets.... I would have enough money to unlock half of the Battlefront 2 heroes without having to grind them.
- Why do chinese people love IPhones and Apple products? Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post) - Wife: Stop pretending your life is a youtube video!! It's ruining our marriage! Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!
- Soulja Boy is not even a soldier. Dr. Dre is not even a doctor. Adele is not even a computer.
*Keep the joke going in the comments.* - My daughter asked me what "fap fap fap" means... I think I should stop commenting on her Facebook pictures.
- What's at the centre of No Man's sky universe? A refund.
credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post) - My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
- My wife thinks that my obsesion with Youtube is killing our marriage Well do you think that it is? Comment down below! Like and sub to my channel.
- Today I watched a video called 10 best wheelchairs in the world. Bellow the video it said comments are disabled.
Share These Comments Jokes With Friends
Comments One Liners
Which comments one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with comments? I can suggest the ones about remarks and comment section.
- A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad? No comment.
- Why was the programmer's code incomprehensible? No comment.
- I joined a forum for people with Down syndrome. Comments are disabled.
- If you're a programmer, you would know: // the real joke is always in the comments
- What did the gay guy say while parking? Wow, I'm not straight at all...
- You know you're wrong... when YouTube commenters start agreeing with you.
- What really offends amputees? Off-handed comments.
- I hate comments They discuss me
- So how did you die? Too long for here, read comments.
- First person to comment on this thread is gau
- Pikachu used racist comments It's super offensive!
- How does a software code becomes unreadable? No comments.
- Developer accused of unreadable code refuses to comment
- I'd post a joke about a Cow but... I'm sure you guys would Milk it in the comments.
- I just said "No comment" all the way through the police interview. I didn't get the job.
Posts Comments Jokes
Here is a list of funny posts comments jokes and even better posts comments puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Reddit banned me from commenting on posts about trains. .
They said I kept derailing the discussion. - What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship? Welcome a Board!
(Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before) - Don't expect me to respond to any comments regarding this joke… …I have abandoned my post.
- How can you tell a post on Reddit is high effort? Simple, just look for the "0 Comments" under it
- I don't know why people complain about using your phone whilst driving. I can drive on the freeway and post this comment at the sa
- Each comment thread is a joke, but each user may only post one word. You may only comment one word, or reply with one word to another comment. Good luck!
- My daughter posted a FB status asking where's the best place to get a nose piercing I commented: on the nose
- If I had a dollar for every post I've seen about NET neutrality... ...the rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for $79.99.
- Waiter: ...and if you need anything, my name is Dave Me: What's your name if I don't need anything?
(Yes, this is a repost of a comment, but since I posted the original, I figure I'm entitled.) - Can everyone who thought it was coming home please reply to this post. Because the real joke is in the comments.
Facebook Comments Jokes
Here is a list of funny facebook comments jokes and even better facebook comments puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*
- A girl posted a status in her facebook wall "I got my period today." 20 boys liked it.
10 boys commented, "Thank God." - There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men. lol....
- What is Facebook? Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .
- Change your Facebook Status to "I'm Pregnant" or "I'm Engaged" and watch the April Fools LIKE & Comment away.
- Chuck Norris can comment on Facebook posts, before you publish them.
- My grandmother tagged me in a comment on Facebook. I guess you could say she is an Old Age Mentioner
Rude Comments Jokes
Here is a list of funny rude comments jokes and even better rude comments puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone made a rude comment towards me for breast feeding in public recently. But what am I supposed to do? A mans got to eat.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Comments Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about comments you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean discussion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make comments pranks.
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...
...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"
Half full, Half empty.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
Bill Russell tried to sell a championship ring to lebron james for $1......
...... but LeBron only has 3 quarters.
Read online on a comment. LOL
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amish h**...
What's an Amish h**... do?
Ten Mennonite!
(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)
Midwestern joke I heard years ago...
State officials in Ohio are trying to pass legislation to change the name of the town, Mechanicsburg, to Engagement. When asked why, one official commented that it made clear sense because the town is halfway between Dayton and Marion.
A recently divorced couple were in court
battling over the custody of their child.
The mother spoke first, ranting and raving about what a terrible father her ex husband had been.
The judge asks the father if he had any comments.
The father simply replied:
"If I place a quarter in a gum-ball machine, who get to keep the candy? Me or the gum-ball machine?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why a fourth time?
A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a f**... director.' After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a f**... director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse careers. With a smile on her face she explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'
My grandfather's favorite
A homeless man was walking down the street, noticeable wearing only one shoe. A passing policeman saw and commented, "Morning, did you lose your shoe?" The homeless man replies, "I didn't lose a shoe, I found one!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
Is cakeday. Comment with best Latvian joke.
Make laugh. Is good distract from malnourish.
Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?
He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*
A Japanese man observes his son scratching his knee.
He comments, "Itchy knee, son?"
The son replies, "I already know how to count, Dad!"
I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...
and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.
She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"
I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets married and decides to set some ground rules..
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride thought for a minute and replied, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
A man took a woman out for dinner...
but she didn't speak a word of English. They were having a great time, though, feeding each other, flirting, touching and giggling. After the meal is over, the woman draws a picture of a bed on a napkin and gives a sly wink. The man still can't figure out how she knew he was in the furniture business.
The comments in another thread were slamming Readers Digest jokes, and that's where this one came from.
I was laying on my SO's chest and commented on how comfortable it was...
And she hits me with a "It's like it's MAMMorey foam!" line. I was quite impressed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oh the memories
You can tell a woman that she is beautiful 1000 times and she will pay no mind to your comments. But tell her that she's fat, just one time, and she will never let you forget it.
Do you want to know why that is?
Because an elephant never forgets.
Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?
#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.
*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*
*
There were once some monks who decided to raise money by opening a flower shop
There was once an order of monks that needed to raise some money. They figured that the best way to do this was by opening a flower shop and selling flowers.
Now, these monks sold their flowers really cheap, and everyone liked the idea of buying flowers from men of God, so much so that all the other florists slowly lost all their business.
Realizing their predicament, the florists banded to figure out how to remove these monks. They finally settled on Big Hugh, the best kneecapper in town. Big Hugh went to the monks and made several casual comments about the flammability of their monastary. Cowed, the monks caved to his demands, thus proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Reincarnation
I stole this from a comment thread in a local newspaper.
Here we go:
I was talking to my ex wife once about reincarnation.
She asked, "What actually is reincarnation?"
I said to her, "Well, it's when you die and come back as something completely different."
"So, I could come back as a pig?!" she exclaimed.
I said, "You're not listening are you...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Went To The Patent Office.
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She s**... and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
TIL The chicken crossing the road jokes real meaning
To get to the other side was also a comment on the afterlife, as in the "other side" as in knowing he'd die crossing the road. I'm 37, heard this joke so many times, and not once put this together till now. /mind blown
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet
I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....
I never should have given dad my username.
Every time someone comments on my wrinkly clothes I just tell them that I have an iron deficiency.
Yep. I do that.
This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...
When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."
Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine
Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
Me: You sure do!
My family and I were at a friend's house for a barbecue when it started to rain.
Our son commented, "The rain is wet."
My friend laughed and said, "Wow, talk about stating the obvious!"
"He's always doing that," my wife said. "I don't know who he gets it from..." she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, "He gets it from me."
A man walks into a bar...
He sits down and asks the bartender for a drink. As he takes a sip he hears a voice say, "Hey there, you're looking rather handsome today!"
He looks around but can't find the person who made the comment. So he turns to the bartender and asks, "Who said that?"
The bartender said, "The peanuts. They're complimentary."
What do you call a person who kneels after the President makes inappropriate comments?
Monica Lewinsky
Hugh Hefner Peacefully Passed Away From Natural Causes Today.
Playmate Natural Causes could not be reached for comment.
What do Baptist churches and YouTube comment sections have in common?
They both claim that they're first.
Who parted the Red Sea with a permeable membrane
OsMoses
---
This just came to me. I'm afraid the real joke will be in the comments.
The author of what's been described as the world's worst thesaurus has dismissed the comments.
He's described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When interviewer asks you what you make at your current job
Apparently they don't expect you to say s**... mistakes and inappropriate comments.
Have you heard of that new band 1023 Megabytes ?
They're pretty good, but they don't have a gig just yet.
Edit !: just woke up and i feel like the comments are funnier than my joke :(
A
If this 'A' gets to the front page, I'll delete this text and it'll make people go crazy wondering how an A got to the front page.
Post mysterious comments like So true! And don't talk about how it's an inside joke.
An elderly man takes his grandson golfing,
Once they were at their first hole the grandfather remarks, y'know when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over yonder. The boy looks and sees it is quite a hit and not wanting to be out done he whacks one right dead center and it sticks right in the trunk. As he stood there impressed by his grandfathers feat, the man finished his comment, 'course when I was your age that tree was 'bout 3 feet tall
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am disgusted by the youth of today....
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".
I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"
She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."
I looked at her, confused and said; "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."
"Oh.." she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"
"That's not how you spell manatee."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... wrote on his FB status:
"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"
A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."
A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."
Whattaya call someone who seems to have an almost fetishistic obsession with stomping into a comments section, saying something absolutely horrible, and spending the rest of the day slapfighting with whole threads of people calling them an idiot?
A compulsive mass debater.
All the uproar about Liam Neeson's racist comments is a bit much
Can't we let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons...?
I noticed that I am quite a mature person, ever since I stopped making indirect comments about others.
Unlike some others that I know.
The interview
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?
Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.
They give sound advice.
I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.
I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.
If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality
*The rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for only $299.99*
I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews.
I made the comment that he wasn't a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin' Terry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know people take the age gap seriously but it's getting ridiculous
For example as a twenty-two year old I'll sometimes bring twenty-one year olds to the bar with me and it's nothing but mean and insensitive comments like they're too young to drink, and where'd you find 20 of them?
My husband commented on the new store that is being built nearby: That's a nice looking Aldi!
I told him it just looks like Aldi others.
...
Sorry y'all. It's been such a bad day, and this little exchange my hubby and I had earlier had us both laughing probably more than we should have. Hope it makes one of you out there smile too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.
Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your b**...!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As the first fleet rounded the headlands and sailed into Botany bay the local Aborigines could see several men looking towards them through big fancy telescopes. One of the Aborigines comments "s**... white man,
can't even play the didgeridoo".
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless...
PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!
Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...
Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!
I was fired as a paralympics commentator.
Turns out you can't say "the blind leading the blind".
After getting punched for making a racist comment at our last family gathering, my uncle won't be attending the next one because
black eyes matter.
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
I stole this from one of [elee0228](/u/elee0228) comments.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, I went to the doctor...
She asked "What brings you here today?"
I replied "My car."
And then she looked down at the form, shook her head, checked a box, and commented under her breath: "Not s**... active."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shopping with my wife
One time I was shopping with my wife when we saw a couple younger-looking women. I made the comment, "Gee, I bet you wish you still had legs like that, huh?" And she just lost her mind. It took me a good twenty minutes to get her to stop crying before I could wheel her out of there and up the ramp into the next store.
My project manager posted in linkedin 'When I die,I want my developers to carry my coffin so that they can put me down one last time"
I commented on that post
"For the first time ,you have mentioned the requirements clearly".
