The Best 67 Comment Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Comment jokes. There are some comment more college student comments jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these comment upvoted puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Comment Jokes and Puns

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...

...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"

Half full, Half empty.

Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.

Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,

While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.

Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.

Neutralists decline to comment.

Comment joke, Half full, Half empty.

Bill Russell tried to sell a championship ring to LeBron James for $1......

...... but LeBron only has 3 quarters.

Read online on a comment. LOL

What did the gay guy say while parking?

Wow, I'm not straight at all...


Is cakeday. Comment with best Latvian joke.

Make laugh. Is good distract from malnourish.

Why do women prefer 77 more than 69?

Because they get 8 (ate) more.

Comment joke, Why do women prefer 77 more than 69?

Love sickness

Love sickness has been known throughout history to affect young boys and girls. These days, love sickness is just known as hepatitis.

*Tried my best to rework a comment my professor made into joke format, kind of rambling but you get the idea*

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

The ultra-sound guy.

[read next comment]

Developer accused of unreadable code refuses to comment

REPORT: Number 9 found dead, half eaten in home. 7 has been brought in for questioning.

When asked for comment, the Chief of Police said, "Due to overwhelming evidence, 7 is the prime suspect in this case."

You can explore comment tweet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean comment karma dad jokes. There are also comment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Reincarnation

I stole this from a comment thread in a local newspaper.
Here we go:

I was talking to my ex wife once about reincarnation.

She asked, "What actually is reincarnation?"

I said to her, "Well, it's when you die and come back as something completely different."

"So, I could come back as a pig?!" she exclaimed.

I said, "You're not listening are you...?"

First person to comment on this thread is gau

I gave my russian wife a shirt..

but all she did was iron curtains.

PS: Found a similar comment.

Why was the programmer's code incomprehensible?

No comment.

If I had a dollar for every time I said a racist comment, I would have 0 dollars

Because some black guy would have robbed me

Comment joke, If I had a dollar for every time I said a racist comment, I would have 0 dollars

What happens if you take a popular website, add a dash of censorship, and allow the discretionary system of control to be based on the biases of individuals...

[This post is locked. You won't be able to comment.]

TIL The chicken crossing the road jokes real meaning

To get to the other side was also a comment on the afterlife, as in the "other side" as in knowing he'd die crossing the road. I'm 37, heard this joke so many times, and not once put this together till now. /mind blown

Each comment thread is a joke, but each user may only post one word.

You may only comment one word, or reply with one word to another comment. Good luck!


How many radical, trans, love-fluid, non-binary persons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 - one to do it and the other to comment on how it's symbolic of rape.

If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet

I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund.

credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship?

Welcome a Board!

(Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before)

Why are white prisoners scarier than black prisoners?

The white guy might actually be guilty.

(Stolen from a comment by /u/CanadianWildlifeDept)

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

Officer: You drinking?

Me: I don't know are you buying?

He laughed, I laughed... I need bail money

Editorial: Yes I copied this from a comment... Shhhh

Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine

Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!

Me: You sure do!

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.

(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)

If I had a dollar for every racist comment I ever made.....

I'd probably get robbed by a black guy.

My wife thinks that my obsesion with Youtube is killing our marriage

Well do you think that it is? Comment down below! Like and sub to my channel.

A man walks into a bar...

He sits down and asks the bartender for a drink. As he takes a sip he hears a voice say, "Hey there, you're looking rather handsome today!"

He looks around but can't find the person who made the comment. So he turns to the bartender and asks, "Who said that?"

The bartender said, "The peanuts. They're complimentary."

Hugh Hefner Peacefully Passed Away From Natural Causes Today.

Playmate Natural Causes could not be reached for comment.

A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad?

No comment.

If I had a dollar for every downvote EA"s comment gets....

I would have enough money to unlock half of the Battlefront 2 heroes without having to grind them.

What do Baptist churches and YouTube comment sections have in common?

They both claim that they're first.

Can you work a pole?

So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter

They said if you put a million monkeys on typewriters they'd eventually bang out a work of art.

Well, I've been reading the YouTube comment section for years and haven't seen a single line of Shakespeare.

Someone made a rude comment towards me for breast feeding in public recently.

But what am I supposed to do? A mans got to eat.

I don't know why people complain about using your phone whilst driving.

I can drive on the freeway and post this comment at the sa

A grape is kidnapped and dies of dehydration

At the funeral, the wife of the grape asks if the policegrape has any leads, to which he responds.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't comment on currant investigations"

Why did Einstein married his cousin?

Because it was all relative!

PS: Inspired from a comment on TIL about Emma Noether!

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said; "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."

"Oh.." she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"

"That's not how you spell manatee."

I found this joke pretty funny:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, it's up to the bulb to decide whether it wants to change or not.

(This joke was found via a YouTube comment section.)

One guy wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:

"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

I just said "No comment" all the way through the police interview.

I didn't get the job.

I was interviewed by the police yesterday.

I just said "No comment" to all their questions. They said they'd let me know but somehow I don't think I am going to get the job.

I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.

I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.

I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.

I'm gonna go ahead and make a racist comment by saying..

I think the 400m relay is a better race than the 100m sprint.

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality

*The rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for only $299.99*

I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews.

I made the comment that he wasn't a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin' Terry.

A beer bottle, a mirror and a condom go to the pub.

The beer bottle thinks for a moment and says, You know, if you break me, you get a years bad luck.
The mirror looks incredulous at this comment and says, That's nothing, if you break me you get 7 years bad luck.
The condom starts to laugh so hard he falls on the floor.

I got a C- for my high school sewing project. The teacher's only comment was....

Seams reasonable.

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."

A gem from the YouTube comment section

"This watch has tremendous sentimental value to me. My father sold it to me on his deathbed." -Woody Allen

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...

PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!

Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...

Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!

After getting punched for making a racist comment at our last family gathering, my uncle won't be attending the next one because

black eyes matter.

A group of dudes are walking through the park

They see a young pair banging in the bushes. One of the dudes can't help himself but comment:

"Hey, man, leave some for us!"

"I can't, I inserted everything."

My wife's friend had a baby...

She posted a picture on Facebook and my wife commented "Aww, what a little angle." I replied to my wife's comment "Ya, she's pretty acute."
I felt like a tremendous nerd for even thinking of a geometry joke, but ya...

Did you hear Matt Gaetz hired Rudy Giuliani to defend him from the child trafficking charges?

Mr. Giuliani couldn't be reached for comment since he is currently waiting at traffic court.

So I once saw an argument in a comment section, a man said, How many chromosomes do you have?

The other replied, More than you .

The sheer confidence he had

I asked a girl from my school out for a date; she only responded with a comment about our classes schedules

something about not having Chemistry together

Reddit logic.

- Oh I see you made a comment, I'm sorry to inform you it got deleted! You don't have enough karma to make the comment.

= That's fine! How do I make enough karma then?

- You need up votes and rewards on your comments of course!

= ok...? I will make one then and hopefully I get up votes? *Makes a comment*

- I'm sorry you don't have enough karma to make that comment!

= Bro....

You have to admire Amish people for their great sense of self-derision. You can find tons of jokes making fun of them on Reddit...

But you never see one of them writing a disapproving comment below.

Shopping with my wife

One time I was shopping with my wife when we saw a couple younger-looking women. I made the comment, "Gee, I bet you wish you still had legs like that, huh?" And she just lost her mind. It took me a good twenty minutes to get her to stop crying before I could wheel her out of there and up the ramp into the next store.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the comment remark jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working comment reposting piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes