Comment Jokes

Following is our collection of tweet puns and more college student comments one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Comment jokes for adults, dirty karma jokes and clean upvoted dad gags for kids.

The Best Comment Puns

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

If I had a dollar for every downvote EA"s comment gets....

I would have enough money to unlock half of the Battlefront 2 heroes without having to grind them.

I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.

I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.

I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.

Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

One guy wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:

"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"


If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet

I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.

A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad?

No comment.

If I had a dollar for every racist comment I ever made.....

I'd probably get robbed by a black guy.

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund.

credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

My wife thinks that my obsesion with Youtube is killing our marriage

Well do you think that it is? Comment down below! Like and sub to my channel.

A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...

...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"


Why was the programmer's code incomprehensible?

No comment.

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

A beer bottle, a mirror and a condom go to the pub.

The beer bottle thinks for a moment and says, You know, if you break me, you get a years bad luck.
The mirror looks incredulous at this comment and says, That's nothing, if you break me you get 7 years bad luck.
The condom starts to laugh so hard he falls on the floor.

Is cakeday. Comment with best Latvian joke.

Make laugh. Is good distract from malnourish.

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said; "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."

"Oh.." she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"

"That's not how you spell manatee."

Half full, Half empty.

Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.

Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,

While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.

Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.

Neutralists decline to comment.

I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews.

I made the comment that he wasn't a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin' Terry.

If I had a dollar for every time I said a racist comment, I would have 0 dollars

Because some black guy would have robbed me


A man walks into a bar...

He sits down and asks the bartender for a drink. As he takes a sip he hears a voice say, "Hey there, you're looking rather handsome today!"

He looks around but can't find the person who made the comment. So he turns to the bartender and asks, "Who said that?"

The bartender said, "The peanuts. They're complimentary."

Why are white prisoners scarier than black prisoners?

The white guy might actually be guilty.

(Stolen from a comment by /u/CanadianWildlifeDept)

What did the gay guy say while parking?

Wow, I'm not straight at all...

TIL The chicken crossing the road jokes real meaning

To get to the other side was also a comment on the afterlife, as in the "other side" as in knowing he'd die crossing the road. I'm 37, heard this joke so many times, and not once put this together till now. /mind blown

Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine

Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!


Me: You sure do!

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.

(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)

Bill Russell tried to sell a championship ring to LeBron James for $1......

...... but LeBron only has 3 quarters.

Read online on a comment. LOL

If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality

*The rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for only $299.99*

Hugh Hefner Peacefully Passed Away From Natural Causes Today.

Playmate Natural Causes could not be reached for comment.

Reincarnation

I stole this from a comment thread in a local newspaper.
Here we go:

I was talking to my ex wife once about reincarnation.

She asked, "What actually is reincarnation?"

I said to her, "Well, it's when you die and come back as something completely different."

"So, I could come back as a pig?!" she exclaimed.

I said, "You're not listening are you...?"

What do Baptist churches and YouTube comment sections have in common?

They both claim that they're first.

First person to comment on this thread is gau

I got a C- for my high school sewing project. The teacher's only comment was....

Seams reasonable.

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

The ultra-sound guy.

[read next comment]

What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship?

Welcome a Board!

(Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before)

I gave my russian wife a shirt..

but all she did was iron curtains.


PS: Found a similar comment.

A grape is kidnapped and dies of dehydration

At the funeral, the wife of the grape asks if the policegrape has any leads, to which he responds.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I can't comment on currant investigations"

They said if you put a million monkeys on typewriters they'd eventually bang out a work of art.

Well, I've been reading the YouTube comment section for years and haven't seen a single line of Shakespeare.

Developer accused of unreadable code refuses to comment

Can you work a pole?

So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

Why did Einstein married his cousin?

Because it was all relative!




PS: Inspired from a comment on TIL about Emma Noether!

How many radical, trans, love-fluid, non-binary persons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 - one to do it and the other to comment on how it's symbolic of rape.

Love sickness

Love sickness has been known throughout history to affect young boys and girls. These days, love sickness is just known as hepatitis.

*Tried my best to rework a comment my professor made into joke format, kind of rambling but you get the idea*

I was interviewed by the police yesterday.

I just said "No comment" to all their questions. They said they'd let me know but somehow I don't think I am going to get the job.

I just said "No comment" all the way through the police interview.

I didn't get the job.

I found this joke pretty funny:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, it's up to the bulb to decide whether it wants to change or not.

(This joke was found via a YouTube comment section.)

I don't know why people complain about using your phone whilst driving.

I can drive on the freeway and post this comment at the sa

Officer: You drinking?

Me: I don't know are you buying?

He laughed, I laughed... I need bail money


Editorial: Yes I copied this from a comment... Shhhh

Each comment thread is a joke, but each user may only post one word.

You may only comment one word, or reply with one word to another comment. Good luck!

Why do women prefer 77 more than 69?

Because they get 8 (ate) more.

I'm gonna go ahead and make a racist comment by saying..

I think the 400m relay is a better race than the 100m sprint.

Why did the Dragonborn climb the 7000 steps?

He wanted to see what all the Fus was about.

(Credit to a youtube comment i saw)

Someone made a rude comment towards me for breast feeding in public recently.

But what am I supposed to do? A mans got to eat.

REPORT: Number 9 found dead, half eaten in home. 7 has been brought in for questioning.

When asked for comment, the Chief of Police said, "Due to overwhelming evidence, 7 is the prime suspect in this case."

14. Having your title be an extension of the post as well

Things I hate

1 Lists

2 Irony

4 Numbers being out of order

5 Skipping numbers

F Inconsistency

7 Repetition

7 Repetition

8 Speling wurdz rong

9 DLC

10 Replying to your own comment

Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger.

When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."

It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and "smooth it out.".....

Screw that, enjoy the peace, leave them there as long as possible. Just get a staple gun and staple the blanket down.

What happens if you take a popular website, add a dash of censorship, and allow the discretionary system of control to be based on the biases of individuals...

[This post is locked. You won't be able to comment.]

A guy submits a comment to a group of people, hoping to learn how the community approves/disapproves...

(?|?)

If I had a dollar for every post I've seen about NET neutrality...

...the rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for $79.99.

To get easy comment karma, you have to do it like your ejaculations

Just do it early.

A French joke

Q: Comment s'appelle un chien qui vend des mΓ©dicaments?

A: Un pharmachien

The comments about Mitch McConnell looking like a turtle without a shell are particularly apt...

since he's clearly missing his spine.

Two types of people go on NSFW subs.

The people too ashamed to comment, and the people too busy to comment.

Why is Carter Page refusing to comment?

He's all tapped out.

This was the epic top comment on my Joke.

" there doesn't seem to be anything here "

There is an abundance of remark jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 66 funniest jokes and comment puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any reposting witze you can hear about comment.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes