Commended Jokes
10 commended jokes and hilarious commended puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about commended that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Commended Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good commended joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Creating a joke is one thing. But delivering it is another.
I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
If you can't handle me at my worst...
Then good for you; I commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always manage not to c**... when I drive
I guess that's why the officer commended me for wreckless driving.
Apple should be commended for using recycled materials in their products. Recycled plastics, recycled aluminum...
...even their phone designs are recycled
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mother told me that losers don't deserve to be commended.
So, naturally, I took down the confederate flag from the porch.
I gave a speech about issues with millennials today.
To commend me for my speech, I was given a participation ribbon.
A nun spilled a soda on her uniform one day, and hurried to get the laundry done.
The attendant commended her on swiftly cleaning up her coke habit.
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old Jewish man goes to confession
And he says, Father, I am 90 years old and Jewish, never been to confession before but I have to get something off my chest. I have been married to my lovely wife for 72 beautiful years, but last night I had a t**... with two blonde twin sister cheerleaders. The priest says, I commend you for coming to confession, but I have to ask first since you are Jewish, why are you telling a Catholic Priest. The old Jewish man says, I am not just telling you Father, I am telling everyone!
Volunteer fire department
So a farmer purchased a huge plot of land for his farm. Within less then a week an enormous fire breaks out and rages through the field. The fire department arrives almost immedeately and tries everything but the fire is too hot and too strong, keeping them from getting near the largest parts of the fire.
As backup, they call in the volunteer fire department and within a few minutes they arrive on their rickety, rusted fire truck that looks decades old. To the fire department's surprise, the volunteer fire department drives straight through the perimeter of the fire and directly INTO the blazing center. Immediately they jump out of the truck and begin spraying water in all directions which separates the large fire into to smaller ones, which are easily put out.
The farmer is overjoyed at having his land and crops saved, and writes the volunteer fire department a check for 10 thousand dollars for their bravery. When he hands them the check and commends their heroism, they reply "Great, This should be more than enough to fix the breaks on our truck!"
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