Commando Jokes

26 commando jokes and hilarious commando puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about commando that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Ready to laugh? This article looks at the funny side of life in the Royal Marine Commando, from the history of the commando to funny sayings from Sgt Major Highness. Be sure to check out these commando jokes for a good laugh!

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Funniest Commando Short Jokes

Short commando jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The commando humour may include short commander jokes also.

  1. Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms? Better grip.
    Happy Halloween :)
  2. Doctors advice My doctor told me that going commando was healthy, but I got 20years in jail instead. Somehow I think killing my infant brother with my dads bowie knife was'nt what he meant.
  3. Have you heard the latest news about the remake of Arnie's classic film Commando? The lead role has been given to Knickerless Cage.
  4. What is it called when Rambo won't answer your phone calls? He's an incommunicado commando
  5. What's the difference between a commando and a pastry chef? One goes in guns blazing, the other goes in buns glazing!
  6. My girlfriend replaced all her p**... with invisible ones, because they're fashionable. But now she can't find them anywhere, leaving her no choice but to go commando everyday.

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Commando One Liners

Which commando one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with commando? I can suggest the ones about tank commander and commanding officer.

  1. What do you call the president when he is not wearing underwear? The commando in chief.
  2. What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear? None, they go commando.
  3. What do you call a Jewish person that doesn't wear underwear? An Israeli commando!
  4. What do you call a Hebrew commando? GI Jew
  5. What do you call a crossdressing man who always goes commando? Nicholas
  6. What does a General wear to bed Nothing, he goes commando
  7. Why did the witch go commando? She needed some better grip on her broomstick.
  8. What do you call a squad of IRA commandos? Seal Team Micks
  9. When guys don't wear underwear it's called going commando. I call it ballsy
  10. What do Mexicans call a commando? A Juan man army...
  11. What is Victoria's Secret? She goes commando and sell her p**....
  12. What do you call a breeze when you're going commando? A big-*a**...* draft

Commando joke, What do you call a breeze when you're going commando?

Gather Around for Fun Commando Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about commando you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soldier jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make commando pranks.

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

Two Soviet commandos were crawling through a minefield.

Ivanka was leading Vladimir through a belly-crawl in a minefield.
Vladimir spoke, "Ivanka, your mother must have been a ballerina."
"Because of your beautiful legs."
Ivanka replied, "And your father must have been a farmer."
"Because of the deep furrow you're leaving."

The bravest men and women in the world are military commandos.

Think about it: all that running, getting shot at, dangerous missions deep into enemy territory... and all while not wearing any underpants!

Some dude went to a Halloween party dressed as Santa.

He was approached by someone who said "Really? You dressed as Santa?"
The man replied "Almost. You see, I went commando."
The person was surprised at the response. So he asked "why does that change anything?"
The man smiled, and slyly replied "Today, I am dressed as Saint Knicker-less"

Commando joke, Why did the witch go commando?