Commando Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.

Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"

Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip.

Happy Halloween :)

The magic vagina

An old man was sitting on a train across from a blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he was unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realized she was COMMANDO (going without underwear).

She saw him staring and inquired, "Are you looking at my vagina?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," he replied and promised to avert his eyes.

"It's quite all right," she replied, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the vagina blew him a kiss.

The old man was completely astounded and inquired what else it could do.

"I can also make it wink," she replied. The old man stared in amazement as the vagina winked at him.

"Come and sit next to me," she said, patting the seat. He moved over and she asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, he asked, "You're shittin' me, you mean it can whistle, too?"

What do you call the president when he is not wearing underwear?

The commando in chief.

What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear?

None, they go commando.

A man's wife loves to go commando...

When she's wearing a dress and one day she goes to the mall to get a new pair of shoes. The salesman helps her try on a few pairs and notices jer lackbof underwear. He says "Miss I could eat that pussy full of ice cream."

She gets offended and storms home to complain to her husband and demands he go beat the shit out of the salesman. He says "No for 3 reasons. One you've got too damn many shoes already. Two you should have worn panties. And three...any man who can eat thay much ice cream is a man I will not fuck with."

Some dude went to a Halloween party dressed as Santa.

He was approached by someone who said "Really? You dressed as Santa?"
The man replied "Almost. You see, I went commando."
The person was surprised at the response. So he asked "why does that change anything?"
The man smiled, and slyly replied "Today, I am dressed as Saint Knicker-less"

What do you call a Hebrew commando?

GI Jew

What does a General wear to bed

Nothing, he goes commando

What do you call a crossdressing man who always goes commando?


Doctors advice

My doctor told me that going commando was healthy, but I got 20years in jail instead. Somehow I think killing my infant brother with my dads bowie knife was'nt what he meant.

Have you heard the latest news about the remake of Arnie's classic film Commando?

The lead role has been given to Knickerless Cage.

Why did the witch go commando?

She needed some better grip on her broomstick.

What are the funniest commando jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Commando? Well, here are the best Commando puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Commando pick up lines to share with friends.


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