The Best 20 Commandments Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Commandments jokes. There are some commandments instructions jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these commandments leviticus puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Commandments Jokes and Puns

There has been some controversy regarding priests delivering sermons using an iPad instead of the traditional bible.

I think its perfectly fine. After all, Moses delivered the ten commandments using two tablets.

A Sunday School Teacher . . .

A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Moses comes down from the mountaint

— Okay, guys, I have the commandments. I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

— The good news.

— I've managed to bring it down to ten.

— What's the bad news?

— I've had to leave adultery in.

Commandments joke, Moses comes down from the mountaint

The reason I have only broken 9 out of the 10 Commandments...

...is because I would have to be one sick and twisted individual to use the Lord's name in vain!

God went to a Frenchman

He said 'I've got some commandments, do you want some?'

'What are they like?' The Frenchman replied

'Thou shall not commit adultery' Answered God

'I don't think so...' Slurred the Frenchman, so God went to a German and asked if he wanted any.

'What are they like?' The German questioned

'Thou shall not kill' God replied

'Hmmm, perhaps not' The German sighed, so God went to an Italian, offering him some commandments

'What are they like?' The Italian inquired

'Thou shall not steal' Answered God

'Perhaps not' The Italian replied. So God went to a Jew and offered him some commandments

'How much are they?' The Jew asked

'They're free' God answered

'I'll take ten' Said the Jew


Did you hear about that new liberal episcopal church?

It has six commandments and four suggestions

Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

Because they were set in stone.

Commandments joke, Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000

Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.

I don't understand...

...how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and yet my wife can have 152 just for our house.

A preacher gives a sermon on the 10 Commandments ...

hoping that when he got to "Thou Shall Not Steal" whoever stole his bike would confess.

No one confessed.

But when he got to the part about "Thou shall not commit adultery" he remembered where he left his bike.

If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.

But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.

You can explore commandments israelis reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean commandments god dad jokes. There are also commandments puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What are the 10 commandments in Australia?

Jesus said 'Love they neighbour'...

but one of the ten commandments is 'thou shalt not sleep with thy neighbour's wife', so this puts me in a bit of a predicament.

What would God's 10 commandments be called in 2018?

Top 10 Commandments from God©

Said Moses after smashing the Ten Commandments:

It's okay, I have a backup in the cloud.

If Jesus had been a woman...

There would be many more very trivial commandments.

Commandments joke, If Jesus had been a woman...

Step 1: Listen to gods commandments Step 2: ???

Step 3: Prophet

Why did Alabama vote to display the 10 Commandments in schools?

I thought they wanted to put them where Alabamans actually go.

God had thousands of commandments but....

Moses did a TLDR


I disobeyed each of the ten commandments.

Except 'You shalt not lie.'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the commandments moskowitz jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working commandments proverbs piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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