The Best 46 Commander Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Commander jokes. There are some commander captain jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these commander airman puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Commander Jokes and Puns

A large group of Russian soldiers...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."

Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"

The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.

Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."

A women invites 3 military men to her house

During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."

You know something, Jon Snow

Lord Commander: "So, Jon Snow, is it true you have lain with a Wildling girl?"

Jon Snow: "Yes, sir, it is true. But I have no Ygrittes."

Commander joke, You know something, Jon Snow

Did you hear about the new protagonist in Mass effect 4?

It's Commander Lamb.

(From a friend of mine... Told it to me while we were in a party chat)

A military commander found the briefing room a little too stuffy

So he told one of his officers to "Open the windows and let the Air Force come in."


Where does the military commander buy his groceries?

the GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY

ISIS commander to troops

ISIS commander: Do you guys know what the leading cause of goat rape is?
Troops: No, what?
ISIS commander: Sexy Goats ;)

Commander joke, ISIS commander to troops

A military plane crashes on a cannibal island

The soldiers are captured, and the chief asks them "Right, which one of you is the commander?"

"That's me, Commander Joe Miller."

"Well, congratulations, Joe, by tomorrow you'll be Commander-in-Chief!"

Will was killed during his first battle with the US army

His comrades got confused when their commander yelled: "Fire at Will!"

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle

Oops, wrong sub.

Who is the commander of cheese?

Sargento

You can explore commander sarge reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean commander cadet dad jokes. There are also commander puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why was William killed when he entered the army?

The commander said, "fire at will"...

A Japanese commander invites Darth Vader to dinner

He asks him " Will you be there tonight at 8 PM Lord Vader?"



Vader says " I hope so commander, for your sake ".

This clown thing has gone too far

I mean, he could very well became our commander in chief in a month or so.

Trump got a sandwich named after him at his favorite deli.

Commander in Cheese Meltdown.

They put it on the kid's menu.

A German tank commander boasted "One Tiger can take on ten Shermans!"

And an American replied "Good thing we have eleven."

Commander joke, A German tank commander boasted "One Tiger can take on ten Shermans!"

When I was in the army I was offered the position of tank commander...

But I said, " No tanks"

An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.

Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.

Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?

Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.

I told my commander that I'd like to be a sniper

But he told me it would be a long shot.


What do you call the commander of a utilitarian army?

General Felicity

Why was the terrorist commander mad at his subordinate?

Apparently, you're not supposed to practice suicide bombing!

What do you call it when a commander becomes nervous?

General anxiety

Pregnant With Doubt

When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was.

The sergeant's reply: Completely, sir.

Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...

He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"

The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".

Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"

...

...

"It's horrible."

"Agree."

Soldier, I didn't see you yesterday in the test for camouflage

Thank you my commander

During the war the commander turned to me and said, "Let's move out."

I said, "No, thanks. I don't want to live with you."

The story of a U.S Army member named Will

His 3rd day into battle, his squad commander, upon seeing enemies, yelled FIRE AT WILL!

I asked my Commander if he thought I could be Captain some day.

He told me I ask the obvious questions.

After a fatal river rise, what did the commander beaver say to all the other beavers?

Dam it.

My commander told me he didn't see me at camo practice.

I said "Thanks."

Two Roman sailors were the only survivors when their longship capsized.

When asked by the rescuing ship's commander how many survivors there were, they responded "II, sir!"

The commander at the Venus space station told his Flight Engineer

I want this issue resolved next year, not tomorrow!

What did the commander say to his crusaders before they fell asleep?

Knight, knight

What did Hitler say to his Commander?

I said a GLASS OF JUICE! Not gas the Jews!

What did the commander say to his troops?

March 4th

A galley ship's commander addresses the slaves.

"I have good news," the commander says. "For all your hard work, you're each going to receive an extra rum ration!" The galley slaves cheer, but are quickly silenced by the commander. "And now the bad news," he says. "The Captain wants to go water skiing."

Which evil villain would most likely defeat Indiana Jones?

Cobra Commander

Why did Billy die by friendly fire in war?

Because when the enemies were spotted, the commander ordered everybody on the battlefield to fire at will.

Accent humour, mate!

It's the year 2022, WWIII has started. 1st world countries vs 2nd world countries and Middle East. Britain asks for reinforcement from Australia. The Australian regiment arrives and next morning starts preparing while the British Commander enters and starts increasing the army's morale:

British Commander: Did you came here *to die*?

Australian Soldier: No sir, we came here *yester-die*.

A joke about eggs

An egg soldier is on a battlefield, trying to make contact with the egg commander.

"Sir, can you hear me?"

"Yes but there's a large amount of static on your end."

"Just as I thought."

"What do you mean, corporal?"

"Our communications have been scrambled."

A ship, sailing past an island, finds a man there who had become stranded alone years earlier. The commander disembarks to rescue the man and sees three huts.

"What's that first hut there?", he asks.
"Oh, that's my house", replies the castaway.
"What about that second hut there?"
"That's my church."
"And what about the third one over there?"
"That?", replies the man, disdainfully. "That's the church I used to go to."

Private, do you see that village?

Yes sir!

I don't want to see it!

Yes sir!

\*Proceeds to throw tarp over commander\*

An old Russian WW2 joke

This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.

During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, he realizes that all of them are injured, most of them at their hands and arms.

The general interrogates the commander:

"Very impressive! But how did you manage to take all these hostages?"

"Ha, very simple! Just build up a machine gun next to the German trench and yell >>HEIL!! <<"

What do you call an Army Commander who is covered in pepper?

A seasoned veteran

Why did Lt. Commander Data get arrested?

Because he was being charged with a battery.

Just after WWII begins the commander of one of African garrisons recieves a telegram:

''The war is declared, immidiately find and arrest all enemies in your area.''

After some time he sends a performance report:

''The order was executed. 4 Germans, 2 French, 1 Belgian, 3 Americans were arrested. Please, immidiately report who are we at war with.''

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the commander firefight jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working commander brigade piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes