The Best 55 Command Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Command jokes. There are some command message jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these command activate puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Command Jokes and Puns

What is a gay man's favorite DOS command?

C:

"Who was the Windows programmer's favorite hip-hop group?"

"Run-CMD"

(I came up with this one at work after repeatedly opening the command prompt. Not sure if it's been said before, but I hope you enjoy!)

What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman?

one is a superhero and the other is a command.

Command joke, What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman?

Today is a military command:

March Fourth!

LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction

Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:

It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.

Edit* changed were to are


Slinging puns at my best friend

So my best friend from high school is a Marine. The other day, he was promoted to Corporal.

So I told him "Treat your privates right. Also, the men under your command, treat them right too."

After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.

Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.

When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.

Command joke, After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nucl

Iron Man is a super hero...

Iron woman is a command.

I accidentally muted the command switch on my driverless car...

...well, it goes without saying.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

You can explore command order reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean command commando dad jokes. There are also command puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Who is the commander of cheese?

Sargento

Two Norwegian scientists were operating on a frog....

They taught it to jump on command. When they said "Jump!" it leaped forwards.

They removed one rear leg and said "Jump!". The frog leaped forwards.

They removed the other rear leg and said "Jump!", but nothing seemed to happen.

After much discussion they could conclude that if you remove both rear legs from a frog, it becomes deaf.

"Punchline" is not an internal or external command. Attempting a continue...

C:\Windows\System32\ taskkill /IM joke.exe

What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Command Alt Right.

I once had a dog, that no matter what I tried to teach him, he only ever learned the the command "shake".

He had Barkinson's disease.

Command joke, I once had a dog, that no matter what I tried to teach him, he only ever learned the the command "sh

Who is second in command in the kitchen at a Native American owned restaurant?

The Sioux chef

What do you call a virus that affects the command line?

Terminal Illness

A group of scientists run an experiment on a frog

They teach it to jump on command by using flies as treats. Now when they say "Jump" the frog jumps.

Then they chop off one leg. They say "Jump" and the frog jumps in a crooked path. So far so good.

Finally, they chop off the other leg. They say "Jump" and the frog does not jump.

It has been concluded that frogs cannot hear without their legs.


My boss promoted me to the role of pilot in command...

He said I was going places.

Following my wife's guidance, I accepted the biblical command to be moderate in all things.

I struggled. Then I decided to add "moderation" to my list. Now everything seems back to normal.

I heard President Trump is a really good COD player.

Apparently he can tomahawk from across the map on command.

What's a Republican's favorite keyboard command?

Alt+Right

The Third Commandment

"Don't believeth everything thou readst on the Internet"

A Scientist is with his peer

The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"

The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"

The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.

The peer says, "What is he saying?"

The scientist says, "Woof."

What do you call a school where you go to learn how to fart on command?

An Institute

What will the Sith call the earth when they invade and take command?

The Force Reich

What are the 10 commandments in Australia?

High command asked a new recruit:

"What do you want to be in the army?"
"Pilot!"
And they sent him to preparatory courses, but they did not like him and told him he would never become a pilot.
So he went to the committee again.
"Where do you want to be in the army?"
"Air defence!"
"Why?"
"If I can't be a pilot, no one else can!"

Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?

It goes without saying.

Happy Command Day!

March forth.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

He has two in his boat when the police approach him.

The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.

"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."

So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.

"Call who back?"

I once met a wizard...

I once met a wizard who could on command spout saturated hydrocarbons from his hand that would instantly catch fire.

He was a master of alkane magic.

The command prompt was...

...the precursor

Women command respect and no one should ever say "you're such a b$&@#"...

instead try "you're not usually so b$&#@y!"

Some pesky insects into my house today. I told them to "git out" and they scared me by speaking.

They said, "git: 'out' is not a git command. See 'git --help'"

My commander told me he didn't see me at camo practice.

I said "Thanks."

What would God's 10 commandments be called in 2018?

Top 10 Commandments from God©

The commander at the Venus space station told his Flight Engineer

I want this issue resolved next year, not tomorrow!

What did the commander say to his crusaders before they fell asleep?

Knight, knight

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.

But a short while later, he receives another message. "Stupid autocorrect. I meant wifi."

Today's the Command Day

March Fourth

What did the commander say to his troops?

March 4th

The voice command system of my driverless car stopped working days ago.

It goes without saying..

Difference between iron man and iron woman is that

one of it is a super hero and other one is just a command.

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."

Why do Mac owners think they are superior?

Because they need to command everything.

What is a succubus's favourite keyboard command?

Ctlr+D

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.



PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.

We all know the story about Eve eating the apple in the Garden of Eden...

But God also forbade Eve from bathing in the nearby river. One day God came down from heaven to find Eve disregarding his command, washing herself in the river.

God put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Dammit! I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish."

When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."

All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?

* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *

A spy has infiltrated an enemy military base in search of illegal weapons. His coordinates for the expected weapons are a little off and he ends up in the ventilation shaft above the toilets. Command contacts him and asks if he's found anything incriminating yet.

He replies hastily.. Well, possibly something biological and I don't see any missiles but.. I C BMs.

Roman Sailors

Roman sailors always replied to a command by saying, "2, sir".

Why did Lt. Commander Data get arrested?

Because he was being charged with a battery.

So, I had a commanding officer from Australia

Of course I used this fact to make stereotypical jokes and stuff.
He seemed rather calm towards it.
But two weeks later I realised I'm only one who was transfered between different squads.
And they were:
Charlie;
Uniform;
November;
Tango.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the command signal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working command prompt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes