Comma Jokes

Following is our collection of colons puns and ellipsis one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Comma jokes for adults, dirty punctuation jokes and clean comas dad gags for kids.

The Best Comma Puns

What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?

A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

Commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:

I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.


Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs."

I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.

Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.

They both had a great time.

Little Johnny was learning about punctuation

The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.

She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.

He asked: Why are periods so important?

The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?

Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself

My friend was in a comma

The doctor said "Do you mean coma?" and I replied "No, it's just a short rest."

If I had a puppy I'd name it comma.

Why? Because of its small pause.

My commander told me he didn't see me at camo practice.

I said "Thanks."


Did you know using too many commas is now illegal....

You can end up with a very lengthy sentence.

Commas matter

Let's listen to the doors.

Vs.

Let's listen to the commadoors

Did you hear about the poor chap who got smashed in the head by a grammar textbook?

He remains in a comma.

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court

They're awaiting their sentence

I hate recursion, irony, and the Oxford Comma.

Commas can really change a sentence

For example:
John is in a hurry
John is in a coma

Learn the use of comma, save a wedding.

Do your best man.

Do your best, man.


Who is second in command in the kitchen at a Native American owned restaurant?

The Sioux chef

Why did the period and and semicolon break up?

Because they had nothing in comma

Stopped by a roadside farm where I saw a sign that said DUCK, EGGS

I was contemplating the position of the comma when it hit me.

A comma is the difference between

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."

and

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

There was a time when I used a comma at the end of a sentence.

It was the worst period of my life.

My dad text me saying, "Don't try to be someone you're not."

It hurt when he added, "Oops, forgot the comma after 'someone'."

A man was in a terrible accident, and his wife asked for his prognosis

Well, Mrs. Smith, your husband went into a short period of suspended animation.



Oh my God! He went into a Coma?



No, it was for only a few seconds. I'd call it more of a comma.

I was walking by a farm when I noticed a sign that said "Duck, eggs." I remember thinking, that's an unnecessary comma.

Then it hit me

Please practice safe text.

Use a comma & you won't miss a period.

sex positions for grammar nazis

There was once a book written in ancient India about sexual positions using punctuation marks.



It was called the comma sutra.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

The commander at the Venus space station told his Flight Engineer

I want this issue resolved next year, not tomorrow!

Why did Punctuation ruin Santa's marriage?

Because a comma seperates two clauses

Did you know that a single comma can insult a head of state?

Trash is Putin, the garbage bin.

If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally hit enter instead of a comma

What did the commander say to his troops?

March 4th

Here's my review of EA

Sorry EA but if you want the review it'll be $5.99 for each letter and $7.99 for each punctuation and comma

Did you know that commas can change the meaning of a sentence?

For example : Mr.Walter is in a comma

What's the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause

What would God's 10 commandments be called in 2018?

Top 10 Commandments from GodΒ©

The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

A comma is important in a sentence

For example...

I was helping my uncle jack, off a horse.

I was helping my uncle jack off a horse.

Commas in a sentence can change everything.

I helped my uncle jack, off a horse.

I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

Why did the punctuation mark have such an easy time going out with other punctuation marks?

It was a comma dating.

The inventor of the Oxford Comma has died.

Tributes have been lead by JK Rowling, his wife and the Queen of England.

Today's the Command Day

March Fourth

What do you call a pause between meals?

A food comma.

Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence

For example:

Let's eat, grandma
Grandma is in a coma

There is an abundance of decimal jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes and comma puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any sutra witze you can hear about comma.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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