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Coming Soon Jokes

106 coming soon jokes and hilarious coming soon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coming soon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Coming Soon Short Jokes

Short coming soon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coming soon humour may include short upcoming jokes also.

  1. My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he's going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution. I told him my door is always open.
  2. A friend asked me if I wanted to come to his house last week I told him I'll be there as soon as I boot up my time machine
  3. My ex is still angry with me for breaking her wheelchair I'm fine though, I know she'll come crawling back to me soon enough.
  4. A man broke his hand. He asked the doctor, "Will I be able to play piano as soon as the cast comes off?"
    "Of course!" said the doctor.
    The man replied, "Great. I never could before."
  5. I can never come up with shower thoughts.... As soon as the water hits me, I feel the pressure.
  6. Guys Trip to Vegas My wife asked me after our guys trip to Vegas if I had thought of her while I was there. Apparently, "only to keep from coming too soon" was not a very good answer.
  7. With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was. I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.
  8. To the "Remain" crowd in Britain... come to Canada! Half of the US is moving here soon anyhow.
  9. Why don't women stay long in prison? As soon as they have their period they are let out.
    Everyone knows a period comes at the end of a sentence.
  10. What did the rock say when he had to leave his girlfriend for a long time? I pumice I'll come back soon!

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Coming Soon One Liners

Which coming soon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coming soon? I can suggest the ones about coming and oncoming.

  1. joe Biden is not my president!! At least not till January which won't come soon enough.
  2. I've got a book coming out soon. Shouldn't have eaten it, really.
  3. One day I'll learn how to be patient And that day can't come soon enough
  4. I'm writing a book about introverts. It's not coming out any time soon.
  5. Someday, my prince will come. I hope it's soon, my arm's tired.
  6. The next fast and furious film comes out soon. Fast 10: Your seat belts.
  7. Breaking news: Creator of adobe flash player just died. More updates coming soon.
  8. A New Prison Band coming soon.... Cosby, Pills and Smash
  9. I'm writing a book about futurology. It's coming soon.
  10. This is a reminder that Halloween will be coming up soon. Some people don't need masks.
  11. Is your name winter ? Cause you'll be coming soon....
  12. Coming soon to the USA... #Mexit
  13. "Please come here and sit on my face." He soon regretted being Sean Connery.
  14. A man goes to a brothel... And pays for 30 minutes. Yet, as soon as he comes, he goes!
  15. Hopefully, I've got a book coming out soon. I probably shouldn't have eaten that.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about coming soon can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of coming soon puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Coming Soon Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about coming soon you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean incoming jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make coming soon prank.

A little lizard

A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.
Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"
Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2 and get one for free policy".
Aah! says the Irishman, "in Dublin there's a bar where you get free drinks as soon as you walk in and they keep them coming all evening.Then they take you upstairs and you get non stop s**... all night".
"What, youve actually experienced this yourself"? asks the Aussie.
Well "no" says the Irishman "but me sister has"!

A husband and wife are in a car c**...

They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."

The Two Nuns and the Blind man.

There were once two nuns taking a bath together when all of a sudden they hear a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" yells out one of the nuns.
"It's me, the blind man." replies the man at the door.
"Ok, come on up." calls the second nun.
A short moment later, they heard the footsteps up the staircase and soon the door to the bathroom opened.
"Oh, hello Sisters. I like your new towels. Now where do you want the blinds?"
Bu dum tss

A man and a boy go into a barbershop.

After getting his haircut, the man says, Now cut the boy's hair too. I'll be back soon.
When he's finished cutting the boy's hair, the barber says, When is your father coming back to pay?
The boy says, He's not my father. He met me in the street and asked if I wanted a free haircut.

For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.

One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby k**.... Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"

I'm going to buy 100 mounted fish and fill a room with them.

When someone comes over and asks where the bathroom is, I'll send them to that room instead. As soon as they come back disappointed, I'll say, "I'm sorry, I thought you said my bassroom!"

"Could we change the topic, please?"

Two german friends chat and soon they come to the topic of the Holocaust. One of them then looks very sad and asks his friend: "Could we change the topic, please? I've never told you, but my grandpa died in Ausschwitz."
The other responds: "Sure, man, no problem. But may I ask you, how did your grandfather die?"
"Well, one day he got really drunk, fell from a watchtower and broke his neck..."

maternity ward

A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

A soon-to-be-wed couple are snuggling in bed after s**... one night...

...The man suggests that they come clean about any straying that they may have done since they got together.
"It`s best to get this stuff out in the open before the wedding," he explains.
The woman replies, "Oh darling. Don`t you remember? We went through all this a month ago."
The man takes a deep breath and says, "Aah...yes...But that was a month ago..."

The day after Beethoven's f**...

The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."

The three most important things to have in a survival situation.

Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.

Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?" 

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

 
A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
 
"What?" said her Grandpa.
 
"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!
 

Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota

Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

Mr. Holmes gets into a car accident...

He arrives at the emergency room but there's a fair wait. So he get's some tea from the vending machine and it's quite good. Once his time comes he's brought in and admitted to a room. He's then brought a meal from the kitchen and soon calls in the nurse.
"Nurse, I can't drink this horrid tea!" he says.
"Well what do you want from me?" she asks.
"MORE E.R. TEA!!"

A man walks into a bar...

and sits down.
There is nobody else in the place except him and the bartender. He orders a drink and the bartender goes off to make it.
While he is sitting there he hears a voice say " Nice shoes". The man looks around and finds nobody around. He shakes his head and continues to wait for his drink.
Right away another voice says " Great shirt". Now the man gets up and gives a quick look around the bar. Still nobody around.
As soon as he sits back down he hears another voice say "Love your hair"
Now the guy is freaked out. The bartender comes back and places his drink down. The guy says " I have been hearing these voices. They were saying things like " Nice shoes, Great shirt and love your hair". I think I am losing my mind!
The bartender gives a quick chuckle as he points to a full pale on the bar. He says " Its the peanuts! They are complimentary"

It's probably too soon for Ebola jokes on here...

...but when the time comes, I bet they're gonna be killer.

A lawyer and a cop

A lawyer ran a stop sign and was immediately pulled over by a cop. The lawyer started shouting, "I slowed down! No one was coming! What's the difference?"
The cop asked him to step out of his car. As soon as the lawyer was out, the cop pulled out his baton and starting beating the guy. Quickly, left, right, upside the head, everywhere.
After a few minutes, the officer stops, looks at the lawyer and says, "Now....do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"

Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."

Talented Octopus

A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.
At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"
She hangs up and turns towards her lover :
- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

Winter is like your boyfriend...

you know it's coming soon but you want it to hold off for as long as possible

A blonde and a brunette decide to rob a bank...

The brunette is the getaway driver. She told the plan to the blonde, told her to be back in less than 5 minutes, and dropped her off at the front door of the bank.
10 minutes goes by.... No sight of the blonde...
20 minutes goes by... No sight of the blonde...
Finally, after a half hour the blonde comes running out of the bank, dragging the safe by a long rope. As soon as the blonde gets into the car, the brunette sees the guard running as fast as he can towards them, with his pants at his ankles...
After a few moments of silence, the brunette realizes what happened and screamed to the blonde, " You IDIOT! You were supposed to tie up the guard and blow the safe!!!"

Chinese Sick Day

h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

A boy goes into confession...

The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl."
"Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?"
"Oh I can't say."
"Was it Mary Jane?"
"No Father."
"Adalina Mozarelli?"
"My lips are sealed."
"How about Cindy King"
"I can never say."
"Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?"
"No."
"It has to be Tracy Cummings though!"
"Father I will never tell you."
"Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months."
"Ok, Father"
The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?"
The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"

What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."

An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...

He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"

An update to Windows 10 reminder was a little icon at first

Then it was an annoying pop-up. Now it's almost a full screen reminder. Soon they will start calling me on the phone and if I say no a couple loan shark guys will come to my apartment and make me update.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in the world."

A child walks in on his dad...

... while he was m**.... The son says "Dad, what are you doing?" The father replies with "Don't worry you will be doing this soon enough." Then the son says "how come?" Then the dad says "Because my hand is getting tired."

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, Was I getting in or out of the bath?
The 94-year-old yells back, I don't know.
I'll come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, I sure hope I never get that forgetful.
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies, I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

Jesus is a deadbeat dad

Said he'd be coming back soon 2000 years ago and we're still waiting.

Cheating

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

Chinese man calls in sick

h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.

Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside. Never, he snarled, Never, never, never say we're out of anything- say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway? The clerk said, Rain!

An 8 year old boy walks into his parents' room..

He finds that they are having s**..., no covers on. He sees everything. The boy runs away from the room, a little scared but mostly disgusted.
The dad yells 'Son, come back here!'
The boy comes back and the dad laughs, "soon enough you'll be doing this yourself, son."
The kid says "Really?!"
The father chuckles "Yes, you will. Your mother's getting tired."

A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.

A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.

Lee has a terrible headache

Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."
His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for s**.... I always feel better after."
A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49

Did you hear Louis c**...'s new movie is cancelled?

You still might find him coming soon in a theater near you.

A husband calls a men's help line.

Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"

A man ends up in a 30-year coma.

After waking up, he receives a phone call from his bank.
He hears: "Dear Mr. Johnson, we are sorry to say that due to recent economic events, the total value of your savings portfolio is $950 billion."
The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital bar to get a coffee as soon as he can.
When he comes to the bar, he says "I'd like a coffee, please.".
The cashier tells him "That'd be $30 billion.".

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

Beads of sweat were running down her cleavage. Her breathing was hot and heavy.

She moaned as she gained momentum by rocking her hips harder and harder, preparing for the final climactic effort she knew was coming soon. Then, in one final full-body t**..., it was all over, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief and satisfaction. It's always a struggle when the wife gets up off the sofa.

Three bass players walk into a bar.

They're actually in the middle of performing Beethoven's 9th symphony, but there's a long section near the end where the basses don't play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.
To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the conductor's score a few pages before they start playing again. When he turns the page, it'll tug on the string and they'll know to head back to the concert hall.
So the symphony goes on, and pretty soon the conductor realizes he's in trouble.
It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.

The US postal service releases a stamp of Donald Trump

After sometime, reports start to come in that the stamp was not sticking. Infuriated that his own stamps were not working, Trump conducted a $1,300,000 investigation to find out what happened. After eliminating all of the possibilities, they observe the post office to see if the fault was on the consumers end. They soon found out that people were spitting on the wrong side.

A Native American boy goes to his chief with a question

Chief Running Bear, where do our names come from?
The Chief replied, You are named after the first thing we see in nature after you are born. Soon after I was born, my chief saw a bear running through the trees, so I am named Running Bear. Why do you ask, Two Dogs h**...?

A 16yr old boy is cleaning his grandparents attic. When he uncovers a strange lamp.

As soon as he grabs the lamp a genie appears. "One and only one wish you have" bellows the genie. Being a young and naive boy only one thought comes to mind. Without much thought he blurts out "I wish the be in between the legs of a beautiful woman". The genie booms "wish granted". With a snap of his fingers turns the boy into a t**....

What do a p**... and a Empty Lot have in common?

They both say " coming soon ", and they are both lying

A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

A company i thought of making

I thought of doing a company called Procrastination Incorporated, and every shop i make, ill just put coming soon on the entrance

Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.

Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.
As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.
"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such bad breath."
"Come to think of it," said Carl, "I don't remember him wearing ice skates either."

A Jewish man on his deathbed is talking to his daughter.

The man smells noodle kugel (a traditional Jewish food) coming from the kitchen downstairs and reminds his daughter that it's his favorite food. He asks her to go get him some for his last meal- he knows he will die very soon. The man's daughter goes downstairs, and comes back with no kugel. The man asks why she didn't bring any. The daughter says:
Mom said it's for after.

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

Sick chihuahua

A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
This must be a mistake, the man says. I've been here only 20 minutes!
No mistake, the doctor says. It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.

In a supermarket lvan lost sight of his wife.

In a supermarket Ivan lost sight of his wife. He comes up to a nice young lady and asks, "Will you talk with me for a couple of minutes, please?"
"Why should I?"
"It's always the same -- as soon as I get into talking with a pretty woman my wife abruptly pops up from out of nowhere.

We have your Child!

A parent receives this text, "We have your child".
He panics and replies, "What are your demands. We will do anything. Please don't hurt our child"
He receives a reply, "Are you out of your mind? The daycare is closing soon. Come and get him now!"

It's 294 days after the US Election...

...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on 'Storage Wars'. More updates coming soon.

A little boy comes running Into the room and says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?" The Grandpa says, "I don't know, why?"

The little boy says, "Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!"

Turks got 3 problems

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

Always pray in English...

Mr. Sharma, a Hindu suffered a heart attack. The paramedics arrived and put Mr. Sharma in the ambulance and raced towards the hospital. Realizing his time had come, Mr. Sharma started reciting the Hindu prayer, "Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om..."
10 minutes later the paramedics brought him back to his house. His wife was aghast and asked the paramedics why they brought him back home?
The paramedics replied, "as soon as we were on our way, he kept shouting hurry home, hurry home, hurry home, so we brought him back..."

A little boy comes running Into the room!

A little boy comes running Into the room and says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?"
​The Grandpa says, "I don't know, why?"

The little boy says, "Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!"

Little Bobo gets on the bus and the driver asks him:

- How old are you?
- Seven
- When the conductor comes, say you are six.
- Why?
- They'll let you ride for free.
The conductor comes and asks him:
- How old are you ?
- Six!
- And when do you turn seven?
- As soon as I get off the bus.

Billy Bob calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Billy Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me s**.... That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later, Billy Bob calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these coming soon jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.