Coming Faster Than Jokes
27 coming faster than jokes and hilarious coming faster than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coming faster than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Coming Faster Than Short Jokes
Short coming faster than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coming faster than humour may include short faster than jokes also.
- If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
- A shark can swim faster than a human, but a human can run faster than a shark… ..So in a triathlon it comes down to who's the better cyclist
- yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.
- A shark can swim faster than I can... But I can definitely run faster than a shark.
So really, in a triathlon, it would come down to who is the better cyclist. - A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is a better cyclist!
- If the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound Then how come I hear the horn way before the light turns green?
- After 100 year, Tolkien's Beren and Luthien is coming out. Still faster than George RR Martin.
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Coming Faster Than One Liners
Which coming faster than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coming faster than? I can suggest the ones about falling faster than and quicker than.
- Success is something that always comes faster to the man your wife almost married.
- A wife is like a boomerang – the harder you throw the faster she comes back.
Coming Faster Than Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about coming faster than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean oncoming jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coming faster than pranks.
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night
- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"
- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"
- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"
- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"
- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"
The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.
- "What happened??"
- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"
- "and??"
- "Logical: he reached me.."
- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"
- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"
- "And what did he do??"
- "Logical: He dropped his pants"
- "god.... and??"
- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"
ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)
The problem with the goose
A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let's take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we're in the woods, you're going to try and ravish me at once.
- But how? Looks at all the stuff I am carrying!
- Yeah, right! You can put the chickens under the bucket and put the anvil on top!
- Oh yeah? And the goose?
The woman pauses for a second…
- Alright, I'll hold the goose
Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true
The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.
My girlfriend's black.
She's always in a rush, saying, "Come on! Let's go! We gotta move! We're gunna be late! Drive faster! Switch lanes! We gotta beat the crowd!" I look at her every time and say, "Leave it to you to play the race card."
Eddie izzard bee joke
Beekeepers as well say - I want to be a beekeeper. I want to keep bees. No I don't want them to get away, I want to keep them. Too much freedom. I want bees on elastic so when they get Poland they come back here. My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper before him. I want to walk in their footsteps and their footsteps were like this. I'm covered in bees covered in bees is actually a job. Isn't it it they must lose it beekeepers must lose it occasionally. You know you're there you got the netting you've got two thousand bees and essentially you're trying to steal honey. mMorning morning morning hello not coming in hello - look there's a Ferrari over there can you see that Ferrari yes it's going bet fast. Isn't it well morning thank you must be just walking back with all these bees room at some point in let's go what * am i doing I'm coming to me hell! Goddamn be and you don't get the normal perks of a normal job like people who work in an office. They have other people there you can flirt you know you're gonna. Hey hey you new here are you getting lift you want a coffee is he's gonna get a coffee did you know. I like my coffee like I like my women in a plastic cup. Beekeepers can't do that. Hello there you're in the street. You're new aren't you? You want a cup of coffee. Just no problems no no real problem. Throwing a cup of coffee from you you're covered in bees. I like my women like I like my coffee. They're coming to me back off back off back off back off back off always just behind you if beekeepers did get together and go on a sort of general outing and they in a van with a load of bees flying faster faster faster faster faster let go put your foot down yes
A man is walking down the street, when he starts to hear a chanting sound coming from behind a fence... 13..13..13..13..13..
As he gets closer he see's a small hole in the fence, the chanting's getting louder and faster... **13..13..13..** As he gets closer the chanting comes to a fearsome cresecendo, as he looks directly into the hole...
And a finger jabs him DIRECTLY in the eye, as the chanting resumes louder than ever... **14..14..14..14..**
A guy takes a girl back to his parents house to have s**......
The only problem is, he shares a bunk-bed with his younger brother. Reluctantly, they decide to proceed -- but he gives her the code words "lettuce" for faster, and "tomato" for slower.
As the two get into it, the boy hears "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!" coming from the top bunk. He yells out, "Guys! Stop making sandwiches, the mayo is getting all over me!"
Fast Thinker
Guy's first time parachuting... yada yada c**... fails, reserve fails. He's falling. But he sees a speck coming up toward him, faster than he's falling. He realizes it's a guy and figuring he has nothing to lose, he yells,
"Hey do you know anything about parachutes?"
and as they pass the other guy yells back,
"Sorry man, I don't . Do you know anything about propane BBQs?"
There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.
The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel. The squirrel says to the man says, See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?
You've Been Programming Too Long When...
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
A man hits a pig driving his car...
A man's driving though the country side way faster than he should be when suddenly he hits something, so he slams on his brakes. He gets out, and hears a horrible screeching squeal coming from under his car. He calls 911...
"Hi, I've hit a pig and its under my car, wriggling and squealing in pain."
The operator replies:
"OK, first things first, you should put it out of its misery and make sure it's dead."
So the man goes to his trunk, gets out his gun, walks over and shoots the pig in the head.
The man picks up the phone again:
"OK, so now what do i do about his motorbike?"
The president was being driven to an important meeting that he was running late for...
When he tells his chauffeur that he needs to go faster to get to the meeting on time. The chauffeur says that he's sorry, but can't go over the speed limit. The president can't miss this meeting so he decides to order the chauffeur into the back seat, while hopping behind the wheel to drive himself. Speeding at about ten miles over the limit, he gets pulled over pretty quickly. The young deputy walks over to the car to give the ticket, and without a word comes back to the squad car, his face ghost white. "I'm sorry sir," he tells his superior officer, who's sitting in the passengers seat, "But I can't give the ticket to him. He's much too important." "What?!" he bellows. "I'm the chief of police 'round here!" Who could be so important that we can't give a ticket to him?!" "I don't know sir," the deputy replied, "But the president is his chauffeur!"
A man walks into a hardware store
A man walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk for a faster way to cut down trees. "My axe isn't cutting it anymore, it's just too slow," he says.
The clerk looks around for a bit and comes back with a chainsaw. "Here, this might be what you want." The man says, "Oh yeah, I've heard of those! I'll take it!" So the clerk rings him up.
The man comes back the next day, holding the same chainsaw. "Hey, I think there's something wrong with the saw you sold me yesterday," he says. "I tried it out last night and it's even slower than my axe!"
The clerk takes it from him and looks it over. "Well, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it..." He pulls the starter cord and the chainsaw starts running.
The man jumps a bit and says, "Wait, what's that noise?"
Not so funny now is it?
A boy comes home from school. He hears a thud-thud-thud sound coming from upstairs. He goes to investigate and notices the sound is getting louder.
Thud-thud-thud, it's getting louder and faster. It's coming from his parents room! The boy flings the door open and sees his mom on all fours and his dad behind her. The dad sees the boy in the doorway and shoots his son a thumbs up. The boy slams the door shut and runs downstairs.
The next day the dad comes home from work. He here's a strange sound coming from upstairs. As the dad goes upstairs he here's thud-thud-thud coming from his sons room. The dad flings open the door to his sons room and sees grandma on all fours and his son behind her!
The boy looks at his dad and says, "not so cool when it's your mom is it?"