The Best 73 Comfortable Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Comfortable jokes. There are some comfortable seats jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these comfortable comfortable blonde puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Comfortable Jokes and Puns

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

My kinda Dr.

a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...

Hey, why don't you go slip into something a little more comfortable.....like a coma!!!!!

Comfortable joke

Adam and Eve eat the apple

of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*

But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments

Why did the man break the clock?

He wasn't comfortable with having that much time on his hands.


Two old people...

Two old people sitting on a park bench. First guy says "hey I just got this new hearing aid. It's great! It's super comfortable, you can't even see it when I'm wearing it and it only cost me $160!"
"Wow, what kind is it?" Asks the other.
"About a quarter to one."

Whiny prostitute

Why did the whiny prostitute feel she really needed to buy a house? So she could finally feel comfortable telling her parents she was a ho' moaner.

Comfortable joke, Whiny prostitute

A Jewish man gets hit by a car...

in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital the paramedic asks "are you comfortable?"

the Jewish man shrugs. "I make a living."

I was laying on my SO's chest and commented on how comfortable it was...

And she hits me with a "It's like it's MAMMorey foam!" line. I was quite impressed.

Another jewish gag

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"

Stages of man's sexuality [OC]

1. Puberty: masturbating in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable masturbation in your room and some casual sex with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild sex all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular sex.
5. Marriage after children: masturbating in secrecy and shame.

You can explore comfortable comfy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean comfortable home dad jokes. There are also comfortable puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A Jewish man is in a car accident.

A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?"

The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."

I never feel entirely comfortable leaving a music gig...

It's disconcerting.

How do you make a Welsh person comfortable while playing Scrabble?

Remove the vowels in his rack.

Did you know George III never even bothered to leave his couch during the American Revolution?

He was sofa king comfortable.

A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.

A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.

Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"

From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"

Comfortable joke, A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.

With all these abortion jokes lately, I've realized I'm pretty torn on the whole issue...

I mean, killing babies is great and all, but I'm just really not that comfortable with letting women choose for themselves.

I got a new couch...

...wasn't sure how comfortable it would be, but sofa so good!

Heard about the statistician who liked to kick back with his feet in the oven and his head on a bucket of ice?

On the average, he was quite comfortable.


Gentleman

Lady patient says to Doctor inside his examination room, Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable.

Doctor - trust me lady, I am a gentleman.

Lady patient - no that's not the issue. Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is not a gentleman.

Husband: Guests are coming tonight.

What's for dinner?

Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.

Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say "oh no!! I dropped the chicken " . Then again drop another utensil and say "I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans."

*Guest arrives*
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.

* loud sound comes from the kitchen *

Wife: Everything alright, honey?

Husband: Sh**t. I dropped the beans.

I wanted to be a stand-up comedian.

But i realised a sit-down comedian was more comfortable.

I'm not comfortable with my sexuality...

but luckily I have a discomfort fetish.

A car hit a Jewish man.

The paramedic says, Are you comfortable? The man says, I make a good living.

I bet Ivanka Trump actually turned down a position in President Trump's cabinet

I mean how many women would feel comfortable working for a man who said they would screw their daughter.

It confuses me why people feel comfortable with government surveillance as they have nothing to hide, so nothing to fear ....

….but get really scared when I ask them to take their clothes off.

Why do mexican kids feel so comfortable at school?

Because their dad built it and their mom keeps it clean.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me as having extreme Parthenophobia.

That explains why I'm not comfortable on 4chan.

What's united airlines new slogan?

Our seats are so comfortable, you won't want to leave.

First I wasn't really comfortable with the fact that I had cancer

But then it grew on me

What do you call a cocktail of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort?

A slow, comfortable, screw.

Why shouldn't you lie on your Resume?

It's less comfortable than your bed.

I bought a new sofa. Really comfortable.

So fa, so good.

(Well, at least it's OC :-) )

Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."

Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."

Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."

I'm loving my new desk. It looks good and is at the perfect working height. I sat down, got myself comfortable and thought..

Yeah I could really get behind this.

Table

Woke up in the middle of the night to note down this one before I forgot it. :P

Sign outside furniture shop -
Come for table. Very comfortable.

A Fairy Tale

After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.

"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"

"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"

I don't feel comfortable using the toilets at chinese restaurants....

because of the Peking duck.

A statistician had his head in the freezer and his feet in the oven...

And said, "On the average, I feel comfortable".

What's the most comfortable empire?

The Ottoman Empire.

And much like that one, I'll see myself out now.

The time of year has finally arrived when the degrees outside are like shots of whiskey. . .

. . .I need about thirty more to be comfortable.

A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...

A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."

Cr

The doctor is trustworthy

Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room "Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable. "

Doctor - "Trust me lady, I am a Doctor & I am a Gentleman.

Lady patient - "No that's not the issue.

Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is neither a doctor nor a gentleman...

I walked up to a girl in a bar. I said, "My girlfriend thinks I've gotten comfortable."

"She does?"

"Yes. Why don't you sit on my face and see if she's right?"

If, on any given Sunday, you took all the people who fall asleep during church and laid them down end to end

They would all be a lot more comfortable.

"i used to be a Christian"

She said to her boyfriend, he replies "that's ok, I don't mind" relieved she says "oh that's great, I'm so much more comfortable being Christine"

I was hiking with my buddy. Suddenly, a 10ft grizzly bear appeared out of nowhere.

The bear started to charge at both of us. Luckily, I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my buddy's kneecap was all it took. I walked away at a comfortable pace.

Why do S and U feel comfortable sharing intimate details to the one next to them?

Because that's where loyal T lies.

What's something you call little and comfortable ?

Microsoft.

I was filling my car with leaded gasoline wearing some comfortable aesbestos boots. As I popped a thalidomide pill into my mouth I thought...

"A government ban on assault weapons would never work..."

What's comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.....

A public toilet seat.

What's black, white, and comfortable to sit on?

A cowch.

My girlfriend kept insisting that I give her a ring...

It took a while to get comfortable with the idea \(it was a really big decision for me\), but finally I got enough courage to dial the number and have an actual telephone conversation with her.

I had to break up with my cop girlfriend. We're both into BDSM...

but I'm not comfortable doing blackface

Why isn't the tagline for KY Jelly...

Slip into something more comfortable!

Someone told me the best idea for a date...

Someone told me the best idea for a date was doing something you were both bad at, because it'd make you laugh at each other's awfulness and make you feel comfortable.

My girlfriend wasn't impressed when I suggested sex...

A friend just asked me to be usher at his wedding.

I told him that I don't mind learning a few of his songs but I am really not comfortable blacking up.

Why was the new lawyer not too fond of his work outfit?

He wasn't comfortable being in a lawsuit yet.

This is a really nice place, roomy and comfortable. How much for rent?

Sir this is a liquor store

Bill Cosby on a date: "Why don't you slip into something more comfortable..."

…like a coma.

A joke from one of my friends who's an airline pilot

So he often says, right before take off "Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to thank you for choosing Jet Blue and would also like to thank the wonderful flight attendants for their professionalism and dedication to trying to make your flight as safe and comfortable as possible. However, you won't find any of those people on this flight. So sit back and please fasten your seat belts as we will shortly begin our ascent"

People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest...

Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.

My career has many perks. For example, my company just sent me abroad.

I wasn't comfortable with it though, so I sent her back.

I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.

I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.

I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.

I would assume spiders adapted pretty quickly to online learning.

After all, they were already comfortable on the web.

A wife and husband are going on a road trip

After a few hours, the wife decides thay she is tired

Wife: Y'know honey, i think i might take a nap

The husband gives her a nod, and after putting her chair into a comfortable position for sleeping, she dozes off

A while later, she wakes up,and notices that they are completely off road and in some place she doesn't recognize

Wife: Where the hell are we!
Husband: I dont know, i just woke up Too

It took my wife and I 30 years to figure out the most comfortable way for us to sleep

In two different houses

I went to my tailor and asked if I could try on the suit in the window.

"Sure," he said, "but wouldn't it be more comfortable if you used the dressing room?"

I was on a date with this girl I found on tinder

I reached the cafe early. She came a little later. Like a gentleman, I helped her sit by pulling her stool. When she seemed comfortable I asked, "Can I push your stool in ?"

She : "Let's see how this date goes first"

Am i gay?

While watching movies with my girlfriend i sometimes compliment male actors on their good, and sometimes outrageous good looks. My girlfriend often asks me, since i do this alot, are you gay? and that she's worried i will leave her for a man. So, am i gay? Or am i just comfortable enough with my sexuality that i can appreciate the beauty of male aesthetics as well?

All this reflection got me thinking, and i had to reach out to my ex and ask if he ever had the feeling that i was gay, turns out, he didn't!

I was struggling to get my wife's attention.

So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable.

That did the trick !!!

The doctor said to me, we need to talk about your weight.

I said, well it was about 25minutes but the chairs are quite comfortable.

I was sitting in a Restaurant on a Table

A waiter came to me and said: Comfortable sir?

Me: No, Come for the food.

:)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the comfortable homely jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working comfortable comfort piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes