The Best 44 Comfort Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Comfort jokes. There are some comfort dearly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these comfort peaceful puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Comfort Jokes and Puns

A simple operation

A patient is caught running down the hospital halls before his operation by an employee.

"What's the matter?" the employee asked.

The man said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's going to be a very simple operation, don't worry, it will be fine.'"

"Well what's the matter? She was just trying to comfort you." the employee said.

The man replied, "She wasn't talking to me, she was talking to the doctor."

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines...

They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.

Comfort joke, It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes

Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?

It was her sole comfort.

How do you comfort an English teacher?

There, they're, their.


Just saw a man crying because he doesn't know what a homophone is

To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."

A comfortably old joke

A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results.
"I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease"
The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer."

Comfort joke, A comfortably old joke

My dad's favourite joke

A man was visiting his friend at his home when all the sudden, the visitor realised something odd.

"Why are you in your underwear?" asked the visitor

"For comfort, I'm at home after all" replied the man

"But why wear a tie?"

"Well, you never know when a visitor comes over"

I drank so much I blew Chunks

Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.

Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.

Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS.

I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

In a hospital

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

You can explore comfort caress reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean comfort comfortable blonde dad jokes. There are also comfort puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I found a stray cat today. Sadly, my dad is allergic to them so I had to put him down.

At least I still have the cat for comfort.

Many times when I am troubled or confused...

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka Martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.

This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, SeΓ±or, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

Future rap name: 50 Bitcoin

That's all, the punchline was in the title; however, this sentence is here to comfort you and let you know that it's totally normal that you clicked to see if there was anything else.

Gabe Newell and Bill Gates should get together.

Not only would there be some epic games, they could comfort each other's inability to count.

What's comforting and scary at the same time?

A warm toilet seat.

Comfort joke, What's comforting and scary at the same time?

I'm not comfortable with my sexuality...

but luckily I have a discomfort fetish.

My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick.

I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.

I just got offered a new position at work that I need to consider.

I got called into my boss's office for standing around too much at work. He said "please take a seat."

I told him I'll have to think about it. While it gives me a lower profile in the company, I'll have a greater comfort level in what I'm doing.


A little girl in charlottesville cries after the violence she's seen, I try to comfort her: "There there...

it's alt right"

They say the inventor of yoga pants had comfort in mind

But I like to think he had posterior motives.

I tried comforting the jilted bride by reminding her...

"At least the wedding went off without a hitch."

Medical bills are expensive

but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than

What's the most comfortable empire?

The Ottoman Empire.

And much like that one, I'll see myself out now.

I want to say comforters are superior to quilts

But I don't like to make blanket statements.

How do you comfort an English Major?

There, their, they're....

Children in florida during the hurricanes,

They all got free swimming lessons in the comfort of their home.

What's comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.....

A public toilet seat.

BREWER: We're sorry to inform you Mrs. O'reilly that your husband drowned today at the Guinness factory

WIFE: Well at least give me the comfort in knowing it was a quick death

BREWER: well he drowned in only 15 minutes, short considering he got out of the keg twice to pee

If you're ever lost in the woods, just look up at the sky for the North Star.

Its twinkling will comfort you as you die.

A stressed Referee goes to a psychologist

He breaks down in front of the doctor, complaining about feeling depressed, and loathed, always disappointing somebody no matter what he does. The doctor is highly sympathetic, and offers comfort - "It must be so hard, I'm glad you came to me. I can help" The doctor starts writing something on a piece of paper and says "Go to this address, and tell the optometrist I sent you".

Why do elephants paint their toenails red.

A: To hide in the cherry trees!

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?? Then I guess it works!

(As told by my mid-70s, overall wearin, Southern Comfort drinkin neighbor.)

What do you say to comfort a friend struggling with grammar?

There, they're, their...

What is the Kraken's go-to comfort food?

Fish'n'ships

I heard someone say that change does not come from a place of comfort

But I find pennies and nickels in my couch all the time so I don't know what they mean

The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048.

Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.

A New Gadget

Bob came home looking utterly wretched and buried his head in his hands.

I've been sacked, he told his wife.

After 35 years of doing the same job, day in, day out, I have been replaced by an electronic gadget the size of a flashlight.

And the awful thing is, he continued, I can't fault it. It can do everything I can do, and do it better, and it will never wear out!

Bob looked up for comfort but his wife had gone. She was down at the shops looking to buy one.

What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face?

Too close for comfort food!

What do you say to comfort someone who is non-binary?

Their, there.

What do you say to comfort your non-binary friends after they get misgendered?

Their their

I was told to get out of my comfort zone

So I started driving on the other side of the road

Not only I'm I uncomfortable, but so is everybody else

My wife is pissed off at me...

She told me how unhappy she is with her c-section scar and I tried to comfort her. Apparently "honey, don't worry, your tits will cover it up" was not the right answer.

A man brings his kid with him to his office for take your kid to work day

The kid is intrigued, looking around at all the cubicles, seemingly looking for something



sfter about thirty minutes the kid begins breaking down and crying and running around, looking all over, the man comes over to comfort his kid, and asks him what's wrong



daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!?

A woman wakes up on the morning of her wedding anniversary and her husband wasn't there.

It was 2.00am and she was concerned. She searched the house until finally she found him in the basement sobbing uncontrollably.

She tried to comfort him and asked, "honey, what's the matter? "

Between sobs he answers, "Do you remember when your dad the cop caught us, underage, making out in your room?

And he threatened that if I didnt marry you immediately he would make sure I got 20 years in jail?"

"Yeah, I remember," she answered.

He sobbed, "I would have gotten out of jail today...."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the comfort ability jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working comfort terms piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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