Comfort Jokes

Following is our collection of caress puns and dearly one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Comfort jokes for adults, dirty comfortable blonde jokes and clean peaceful dad gags for kids.

The Best Comfort Puns

What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face?

Too close for comfort food!

My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick.

I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.

A comfortably old joke

A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results.
"I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease"
The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer."

I found a stray cat today. Sadly, my dad is allergic to them so I had to put him down.

At least I still have the cat for comfort.

I want to say comforters are superior to quilts

But I don't like to make blanket statements.


It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines...

They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.

Many times when I am troubled or confused...

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka Martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.


This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"


And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."


I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."


And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".


I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"


He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, SeΓ±or, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

What's comforting and scary at the same time?

A warm toilet seat.

In a hospital

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

If you're ever lost in the woods, just look up at the sky for the North Star.

Its twinkling will comfort you as you die.


A little girl in charlottesville cries after the violence she's seen, I try to comfort her: "There there...

it's alt right"

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS.

I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

A simple operation

A patient is caught running down the hospital halls before his operation by an employee.

"What's the matter?" the employee asked.

The man said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's going to be a very simple operation, don't worry, it will be fine.'"

"Well what's the matter? She was just trying to comfort you." the employee said.

The man replied, "She wasn't talking to me, she was talking to the doctor."

What do you say to comfort a friend struggling with grammar?

There, they're, their...

I drank so much I blew Chunks

Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.

Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.

Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...

Just saw a man crying because he doesn't know what a homophone is

To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."

What is the Kraken's go-to comfort food?

Fish'n'ships

How do you comfort an English teacher?

There, they're, their.


They say the inventor of yoga pants had comfort in mind

But I like to think he had posterior motives.

The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048.

Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.

What do you say to comfort someone who is non-binary?

Their, there.

Gabe Newell and Bill Gates should get together.

Not only would there be some epic games, they could comfort each other's inability to count.

I'm not comfortable with my sexuality...

but luckily I have a discomfort fetish.

How do you comfort an English Major?

There, their, they're....

Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?

It was her sole comfort.

What's the most comfortable empire?

The Ottoman Empire.

And much like that one, I'll see myself out now.

BREWER: We're sorry to inform you Mrs. O'reilly that your husband drowned today at the Guinness factory

WIFE: Well at least give me the comfort in knowing it was a quick death

BREWER: well he drowned in only 15 minutes, short considering he got out of the keg twice to pee

A stressed Referee goes to a psychologist

He breaks down in front of the doctor, complaining about feeling depressed, and loathed, always disappointing somebody no matter what he does. The doctor is highly sympathetic, and offers comfort - "It must be so hard, I'm glad you came to me. I can help" The doctor starts writing something on a piece of paper and says "Go to this address, and tell the optometrist I sent you".

I just got offered a new position at work that I need to consider.

I got called into my boss's office for standing around too much at work. He said "please take a seat."

I told him I'll have to think about it. While it gives me a lower profile in the company, I'll have a greater comfort level in what I'm doing.

Children in florida during the hurricanes,

They all got free swimming lessons in the comfort of their home.

Future rap name: 50 Bitcoin

That's all, the punchline was in the title; however, this sentence is here to comfort you and let you know that it's totally normal that you clicked to see if there was anything else.

My dad's favourite joke

A man was visiting his friend at his home when all the sudden, the visitor realised something odd.

"Why are you in your underwear?" asked the visitor

"For comfort, I'm at home after all" replied the man

"But why wear a tie?"

"Well, you never know when a visitor comes over"

Medical bills are expensive

but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than

What's comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.....

A public toilet seat.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red.

A: To hide in the cherry trees!

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?? Then I guess it works!

(As told by my mid-70s, overall wearin, Southern Comfort drinkin neighbor.)

I tried comforting the jilted bride by reminding her...

"At least the wedding went off without a hitch."

I heard someone say that change does not come from a place of comfort

But I find pennies and nickels in my couch all the time so I don't know what they mean

A New Gadget

Bob came home looking utterly wretched and buried his head in his hands.

I've been sacked, he told his wife.

After 35 years of doing the same job, day in, day out, I have been replaced by an electronic gadget the size of a flashlight.

And the awful thing is, he continued, I can't fault it. It can do everything I can do, and do it better, and it will never wear out!

Bob looked up for comfort but his wife had gone. She was down at the shops looking to buy one.

There was a boy with lung cancer...

One day a priest came to visit the boy in the hospital. The Priest sat on the boy's side to comfort him and pray. Soon, the boy was unable to breathe. Acting quickly the priest grabbed a pen and paper to gather the boy's last words. Days later at the funeral, the priest read the boys last words and it read " Dear Father Dave, you are on my oxygen tube."

What do you call doing sit-ups in the comfort of your own home?

Domestic ab use.

What's the comfort support of choice for women's bras?

Mammary Foam

My buddy was lately depressed as he found out that he wasn't planned and his parents didnt really want him, I tried to comfort him and said:

"Dont worry, accidents happen"

First I wasn't really comfortable with the fact that I had cancer

But then it grew on me

There is an abundance of ability jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes and comfort puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any terms witze you can hear about comfort.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes