The Best 75 Comedians Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Comedians jokes. There are some comedians comedic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these comedians shtick puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Comedians Jokes and Puns

Why do comedians hate noble gasses?

They give no reaction.

Why are artists the only guys who can sleep with comedians?

Because drawing is the only way to make a comic strip.

It would be funny if we discover there are inhabitants on the comet...

they would be comedians.

Comedians joke, It would be funny if we discover there are inhabitants on the comet...

How do comedians stay in shape?

They do set ups.

Giraffes can never be successful comedians...

Their humor goes way over your head. 😐


Why aren't there any muslim stand-up comedians?

Because they keep bombing.

A construction crew was converting an old road near a chicken coupe back to farmland...

Comedians slaughtered the construction crew, and the jokes continued.

Comedians joke, A construction crew was converting an old road near a chicken coupe back to farmland...

One of my favorite comedians

Bill 1/sec(B)

I heard that comedians never tell homes about the Jonestown massacre.

The punchline is too long.

My grandpa says, "Comedians are too dark and don't tell set-up punchline jokes anymore."

So, a suicidal teen walks into a car.

Handicap Comedians

Why aren't there any comedians who are in wheelchairs?

Because they can't do stand up.

You can explore comedians paraplegics reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean comedians liners dad jokes. There are also comedians puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


That's it, I'm done dating comedians...

I don't want to get lol'd into a false sense of security again.

Amy Schumer accused of stealing jokes from comedians she used to open for...

...And they said after she snapped at that 17-year old on Twitter that Amy Schumer can't take a joke.

I went to this party full of stand up comedians

The only way to get a drink was to wait for the punch line.

Terrorists make the worst comedians.

They always bomb.

What's the deal with comedians who use observational comedy?

All they do is describe things and look like idiots.

Comedians joke, What's the deal with comedians who use observational comedy?

Why do Eyeballs Make Great Comedians?

Because they are filled with vitreous humor!

Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians?

Because they always have silly acts.

Headline: Comedians are now outlawed...

In more news, Amy Schumer has a show tonight


Donald Trump goes to a bar and tells a joke

"Seriously, I have the best jokes. I know some comedians, and let me tell you, they say I've got the best jokes."

"Ok, let's hear one."

"When I tell a joke, the whole crowd laughs. Seriously, I've got the best jokes."

What's a comedians least favorite drink?

Booze

Why is America home to the majority of comedians?

Lax pun control laws.

They say jokes lessen tragedy

Is that why my parents became comedians after having me?

What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians?

Comic Sans

Why do comedians always have such bad sleeps?

Because they fall asleep funny!

John Wilkes Booth is one of history's greatest stand-up comedians

I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre.

Why are there so few gay comedians?

It's hard for them to keep a straight face.

What do comedians do when they get tired of doing standup comedy?

Sitcoms

I use to plagiarize comedians.

I still plagiarize comedians, but I use to, too.

How do comedians draft their shows?

Pun on paper.

Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics....

...don't elect a joke.

(Credit to Bo Burnham)

Comedians ...

Are like cheese.. wonderful but cheesy

Wanna know why there's no comedians in ISIS?

They all bomb as soon as they get onstage

A German once asked Robin Williams why there are no funny German comedians

Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?

Who are the best comedians?

Feminists.

I have a couple jokes about unsuccessful comedians.

Too bad none of them are funny.

What is the difference between comedians and terrorists?

Comedians don't intentionally bomb on stage.

What do you call two comedians in love in the USSR?

Rom-Comrades

I went to comedy show where all the comedians are dead.

They were telling some posthumorous jokes.

Comedians have found a new way to recycle old material

It's called Amy Schumer

Monty Python scheduled to sing National Anthem for NFL London game

However, officials pulled the plug at the last minute when it was revealed the comedians would be taking a Ni.

Why do muslim comedians always get tons of laughs?

Cause nobody wants them to bomb the show.

What is a terrible comedians favorite food ?

Puncakes

What do you call a comedians erection?

His funny bone

An artist was producing an exhibit featuring portraits of famous black comedians...

He couldn't get a copyright however, due to his collection containing Pryor art.

When my grandfather came to America he was told the streets were paved with gold

And when he got to America he found out three things:

1. That the streets were not paved with gold
2. That the streets were not paved
3. That he was gonna be the guy paving them

[old Shelley German joke, told by Lorne Michaels in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]

There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...

What do programmers and stand-up comedians have in common?

Both beta-test their scripts.

You can now order bad comedians off the internet.

They have one weak delivery.

The newest big disruption

Comedians are getting more and more competition from Politicians

What caused the Great depression?

A lack of comedians

How do you tell the difference between good Comedians and bad ones?

The Bad ones Punch up the screwline.

I think Magnitude 10 earthquakes are the best comedians

They can make the whole world crack up.

A boy walks in on his parents having sex in the bedroom...

Dad says that he and mommy are just having fun and he'll tuck in his son in 20 minutes.

After 15 minutes the father hears screaming from his son's room. He opens the door and sees the boy having sex with his grandma. The boy looks at his father judgementally saying: It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?

Bob Einstein in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffe

What do comedians do nowadays?

First they steal a reporter's script before every show. Then they throw in some curses and metaphors.

I fell asleep listening to comedians do stand up.

I woke up feeling funny.

Why do US presidents make bad comedians?

Because they keep bombing

Comedians will often ask rhetorical questions in order to get the audience on board with them or to relate to them.

How stupid is that?!

Statistics...

97% of comedians have a percentage based joke about statistics

Alcoholics should become unfunny comedians

all the free boos they could ask for

Comedians are often sad clowns

Like their jokes, they tend to be tearable.

Two comedians are walking on a street

"Are you more of a set-up or punch-line kind of person?", asks the first.

The second replies: "Oh, definitely a set-up person."

A man was shot dead today by police after attempting to steal a comedians notebook.

Some people just can't take jokes!

Comedians are like Pandemics

They spend all their time traveling the world, Until people start noticing that they're killing. Then some special recording happens-to-make ev'ry-one stay home.

Why are some black comedians so edgy.

Dark humor

Why don't comedians like being quarantined?

They can only make inside jokes.

Comedians have decided to take covid 19 more seriously

From now on they'll only be telling inside jokes

Why are blind comedians not funny?

Because they can't read the room

A comedians daughter made a new type of ''knock knock'' joke

Then she asks if he will remember her in a second

He answers ''yes''

She asks if he will remember her in a minute

He answers ''yes''

She asks if he will remember her in an hour

He answers ''yes''

She says ''knock knock''

He answers ''who's there?''

She answers ''you told me you would remember me!''

What do comedians call a blindfold?

A sight gag

Comedians like Chris Farley and George Carlin were so good, they're a national treasure

Well, they used to be anyway

Now they're just buried treasure

A lot of comedians these days have a major issue with 'woke' people

Bill Cosby, for instance...

Why do chickens make bad comedians?

Because their jokes are fowl.

What do comedians eat for breakfast?

Pun-cakes.

I was shipping comedians across the countr but it took to long

They said it was bad timing but great delivery

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the comedians unfunny jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working comedians skit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes