Comedians Cars Jokes
9 comedians cars jokes and hilarious comedians cars puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about comedians cars that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comedians Cars Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What is a good comedians cars joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
When my grandfather came to America he was told the streets were paved with gold
And when he got to America he found out three things:
1. That the streets were not paved with gold
2. That the streets were not paved
3. That he was gonna be the guy paving them
[old Shelley German joke, told by Lorne Michaels in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Idk my daughter totally got me today and it was quite funny
"I've got something in my mouth!"
"No you don't."
"I've got something in my mooouuuth"
"No you don't, you better not" *turns around in passenger seat of car to look at her*
"See!!! It's my tongue!!!"
...little s**... bird.
She is 3 years old and we were on our way to the hospital for her chemotherapy treatment. My daughter will become either a nurse, Dr, or a comedian when she is grown.
A stand-up comedian got in a car accident and his legs got amputated
He's just a comedian now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy walks in on his parents having s**... in the bedroom...
Dad says that he and mommy are just having fun and he'll tuck in his son in 20 minutes.
After 15 minutes the father hears screaming from his son's room. He opens the door and sees the boy having s**... with his grandma. The boy looks at his father judgementally saying: It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?
Bob Einstein in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffe
My grandpa says, "Comedians are too dark and don't tell set-up punchline jokes anymore."
So, a suicidal teen walks into a car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the successful comedian lose his job after a car accident?
It caused amputation of both his arms and lost his funny bone
I used to be a stand-up comedian, but then I got in a really bad car accident...
...now I'm a sit-down comedian.
A doctor, a teacher and a comedian die in a car accident.
Fortunately, they all got in to heaven and are given an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?"
The doctor says "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a wonderful family man."
The teacher says "I would like to hear that I was a great husband and educator who made a huge differance on the children of tomorrow."
The comedian says "I would like them to say 'Look, he's moving'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters and a hole
Two guys are hunting, o**... says "Whoa, big hole. How deep is that?"
Other guy says "Let's throw something in the hole and see."
They see a rusty old anvil and drag it to the hole, throw it in and hear no sound of it hitting the bottom. Suddenly they hear something galloping and a goat is coming at them at a blistering speed, almost knocking them down as it flies past the two and dives into the hole.
"Becky? Becky!!" Yells a farmer running toward them. He stops near the two hunters and asks them "You guys seen a goat?"
"Yes, we did! A goat ran by us about 80 miles an hour down into that hole!"
"That's impossible," says the farmer. "I had him chained to an anvil."
(Have heard versions in the past, this one is told by Jay Leno on his recent Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee episode, S03E03.)
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