comeback Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious comeback puns

So my wife said to me, "I swear, it's like all men share one brain"

I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain

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Why is Jesus easy to insult?

It takes him 3 days to comeback.

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Romney was asked about the Chinese going to the moon...

He responded that when they are up there, they will be able to see the flag we planted over 40 years ago. This is a pretty clever comeback. But the last laugh is on us. The US flags are now all beached white due to the unprotected exposure to the sun's UV radiation. This means the Chinese will think the French made it first.

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Annoying Husband

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other.

When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could heard deep into the night the old man would shout,"When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and comeback and haunt you for the rest of your life."

Neighbours feared him.They believed he practised black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, be died of a heart attack when he was 68.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbours, concerned for her safety asked. "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come hack to haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down."

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What's a comeback that's twice as good as "no u"?

No w

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My 12 year old daughter called me a motherfucker

I had no comeback.

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I heard reincarnation...

...is making a comeback.

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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it goes out for milk and doesn't comeback.

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They say invisible ink is making a comeback

I can't see it happening

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Funny Comeback

Teacher: where is your homework?
Kid: at home.
Teacher: why is it at home?
Kid: it's called HOME work for a reason.
Teacher: are you being smart with me!
Kid: this IS school isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be smart.

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Heads up!

I heard boomerangs are making a comeback.

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comeback is real!

A professor and a fool

A professor was walking along a very narrow hall when he came face to face with a rival.
The passage way was too narrow for two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said with a sneer,
I never make way for fools!

Smiling, the Gracious Professor stepped aside and with a bow replied, I Always Do.

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What is slowly making a comeback?

The autistic child i just insulted.

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Comeback Joke

* nerds phone rings in class *
Cool Guy - awww, was that your mommy?
* whole class laughs *
Nerd Guy - nope, it was yours.
* whole class is silent *

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My wife insulted me saying I suck at finishing stories.

That's when I hit her with the sickest burn / comeback of all time.

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I thought my witty comeback was completely original....

Turns out it was a riposte.

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Funny comeback from a student

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

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Comeback Stories.

In a Feminism 101 course there is one male frat boy student and the rest of the students are girls.

The teacher asks the class "what are some great female comeback stories?"

the sporty girls say "Vanessa Williams" and "Drew Barrymore".

The girl obsessed with politics says "Hillary Clinton" and "Nancy Pelosi".

The frat boy speaks up and says "Kim Kardashian".

The whole class looked angrily at the frat boy, the teacher said "I would hardly call her story a comeback story"

The frat boy says "well in the video I'm pretty sure she got some cum on her back."

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What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

30 pounds. (and then the female come-back):

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes!

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I heard Rick Astley was going to make a comeback.

I guess he never gave up.

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Awesome Comeback

Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.

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Want to hear a good comeback story?

Brokeback Mountain.

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Funny Comeback

Dad: you better pass your exam or else forget me as your father!
son: .....
son: sure, whatever dad.
FIVE HOURS LATER
Dad: so how was your exam?
Son: who the hell are you?

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[Amazing Comeback] So I was reading comments on a LGBT friendly add(Android's #AndProud)

> I hate fucking gays
>> Stop having sex with gays then.

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I heard Plexiglass coffins are making a comeback, but...

Remains to be seen.

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Don't call it a comeback..

.. It's mostly in your hair.

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Funny Comeback

I go into McDonald's and there is this fat girl making fun of this mentally disabled kid*

Me: you know, that could happen to any of us. You don't belong making fun of someone like that, what's wrong with you?

Girl: god gave me a mouth to speak and I'm going to use it

Me: well god also gave you a mouth to eat, you abused that privilege.

Girl: -speechless-

Me: oh and you might want to wipe that ketchup off your chin

Girl: *goes to wipe chin*

Me: no, your other chin

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My dad says I'm lazy.

I'll make a comeback soon.

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I'm investing all my money in boomerangs

I feel like they are going to be making a comeback

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I really thought the boomerang industry was dead...

But it seems to be making some sort of a comeback.

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"Sorry someone hacked my Facebook"

The best comeback when coming out fails.

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Good news, bad news

A man was feeling ill and went to the doctor, and the latter said he needs tests before determining what's wrong, and told him to comeback in a week

A week passed and the man came to the hospital, and the doctor told him: "I have good news and bad news"

"The bad news is that your treatment will take some time

The good news is that you will go down in history, as a new disease will be named after you"

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Don't Insult Jesus

If you aren't ready for his comeback

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Can't remember carrot joke

I remember seeing this one joke where a mom wanted her kid to eat his carrots and he had a funny comeback... but I can remember it.



It's not the one where he says, "Because I hate them!" and the mom replies, "But they like you" and he replies "Because I don't eat them"

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What's a good comeback from when your husband asks you to go make him a sandwich?

The only way to comeback is with a goddamn sandwich...

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What are the most funny Comeback jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Comeback? Well, here are the best Comeback dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Comeback pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes