colours Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious colours puns

Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?

Because the sun just came out.


I was at an art gallery.

"Absolutely beautiful, isn't it?" I asked the guy next to me. "The way the yellow combines with the grey. The way the colours intertwine. Truly remarkable."

He stepped away from the urinal and left.


I got a vasectomy two years ago.

Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.


Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight

Unless it blows?


I told my therapist that I was seeing strange colours.

He told me they were just pigments of my imagination.


what do you call a chameleon who cant change his colours anymore?

Areptile dysfunction


The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.


If you think colours aren't funny

then you lack a sense of hue-mour


What's purple and green and sits on the porch at night crying?

She's my fucking girlfriend I'll paint her whatever colours I want.


Dining at the Mall.....

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.

My Dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response.
I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....

"Got stoned once and screwed a Peacock. I was just wondering
if you were my daughter"


3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.

The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one's attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try, gets 800 metres, tires, and swims back.


An American and an Irishman order a beer at a bar.

The Irishman pulls out his money to pay and the American notices that the bills are all different colours.
"Who the fuck makes your money, Monopoly?" he asks sarcastically.
The Irishman looks over and responds "Who the fuck makes your beer, Kool Aid?"



A kindergarten class is learning about colours through the taste of various flavours of candy. The teacher tells all of the students to close their eyes as she places the first flavour in each one of their hands. After everyone has one, she permits them to taste it and gives them hints as to what the flavour is.

"This is a tropical fruit with prickly skin" says the teacher, and one child throws his hand up and yells "Pineapple!" "Very good." she says.

She hands out the second flavour and says, "This is a big fruit with a hard shell and lots of seeds inside". A few seconds pass before someone guesses, "Watermelon?" "Yes," she replies, "excellent."

"This one is tricky," she says while the children taste the third candy, "this is something your mommy might call your daddy at home." One girl immediately spits her candy out and screams "It's asshole flavour!"


Where do you go when you're white and caught speeding, then get separated into different colours only to come out bent and totally different to how you came in?



I fucking hate how everyone is all behind this PC bullshit about different colours nowdays

Macs are normally the same colour and they sell just as well


I saw an advert for a Michael Jackson figurine, and at the end of the advert it said...

...not suitable for children, colours may vary.


A captain is giving orders to soldiers staying in line

After finishing he asked if anyone has a question to ask.

One of the soldiers asks I'm sorry Sir, but why do your boots have different colours, one black and one brown?

Captain realizes that he really has two different boots and says that he will go home and change them, and that soldiers should wait here till he comes back

One hour passes, all soldiers are exhausted, and finally the captain appears, sad, and still wearing different boots

A soldier asks why didn't he change the boots, why are you still wearing one black and one brown boot?

The captain replies, I couldn't find a normal pair at home, the other two are also different


Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent?

Because it told him to keep his whites and colours separate.


Border Guard

An American couple was crossing the border into Canada. The border guard notices that the wife's white skin is red and blue from a beating. So the border guard says to the husband, "You better not be doing that here in Canada Eh, cause those colours don't fly here".


If communism would adapt English, they would adapt to British English.

ColOURs, FlavOURs, FavOURite and humOUR.


What is it called when a chameleon can't change colours?

Reptile dysfunction


What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.


I passed my hepatitis test with flying colours!

I got an A, two B's and a C!


What do you call chameleon that can't change its colours?

A chameleoff


I find it ironic that the colours red white and blue stand for freedom

Until they're flashing behind you


I took a levitation class last year...

I passed the first stage with flying colours, but then dropped out.


Eddie Vedder's LED lamp bulb stops working...

He goes out to buy some replacements, and sees that the colour options available consist of blue and yellow.

After testing both colours of bulb on his lamp, he decides that he likes the yellow LED better.


A wowan was found brutally beaten in her home with a bloody kaleidoscope left at the scene.

Police are looking into it and have identified several different colours.


Hitler wanted to be a painter but failed. Ended up almost killing entire ethnicities of people.

He never did learn to mix the colours.


They just tested the New Years confetti in New York to see if it would survive in the weather

It passed with flying colours


My laundromat is Racist

The insist i separate my whites from my colours.


Doing the laundry is racist...

You have to seperate the whites from the colours


Changes from the 1850s to now.

"Can I borrow your colours" had a much different meaning back then


You should never...

You should never pamper your pet chameleon, because it'll start to show it's *true colours.*


What do people and jellybeans have in common?

They come in all different colours an I love them all equally.


What are the most funny Colours jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Colours? Well, here are the best Colours dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Colours pick up lines to share with friends.

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