Colours Jokes

Following is our collection of Colours funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Colours jokes

Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?

Because the sun just came out.

I was at an art gallery.

"Absolutely beautiful, isn't it?" I asked the guy next to me. "The way the yellow combines with the grey. The way the colours intertwine. Truly remarkable."

He stepped away from the urinal and left.

I got a vasectomy two years ago.

Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.

I told my therapist that I was seeing strange colours.

He told me they were just pigments of my imagination.

Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight

Unless it blows?

what do you call a chameleon who cant change his colours anymore?

Areptile dysfunction

The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.

If you think colours aren't funny

then you lack a sense of hue-mour

Dining at the Mall.....

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.

My Dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response.
I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....

"Got stoned once and screwed a Peacock. I was just wondering
if you were my daughter"

3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.

The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one's attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try, gets 800 metres, tires, and swims back.

Why does Batman wear dark colors?

Because Batman doesnt want to get shot.

Why does Robin wear bright colours?

Because Batman doesnt want to get shot.

Where do you go when you're white and caught speeding, then get separated into different colours only to come out bent and totally different to how you came in?

Prism

I saw an advert for a Michael Jackson figurine, and at the end of the advert it said...

...not suitable for children, colours may vary.

A captain is giving orders to soldiers staying in line

After finishing he asked if anyone has a question to ask.

One of the soldiers asks I'm sorry Sir, but why do your boots have different colours, one black and one brown?

Captain realizes that he really has two different boots and says that he will go home and change them, and that soldiers should wait here till he comes back

One hour passes, all soldiers are exhausted, and finally the captain appears, sad, and still wearing different boots

A soldier asks why didn't he change the boots, why are you still wearing one black and one brown boot?

The captain replies, I couldn't find a normal pair at home, the other two are also different

Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent?

Because it told him to keep his whites and colours separate.

Border Guard

An American couple was crossing the border into Canada. The border guard notices that the wife's white skin is red and blue from a beating. So the border guard says to the husband, "You better not be doing that here in Canada Eh, cause those colours don't fly here".

If communism would adapt English, they would adapt to British English.

ColOURs, FlavOURs, FavOURite and humOUR.

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

I passed my hepatitis test with flying colours!

I got an A, two B's and a C!

I took a levitation class last year...

I passed the first stage with flying colours, but then dropped out.

Eddie Vedder's LED lamp bulb stops working...

He goes out to buy some replacements, and sees that the colour options available consist of blue and yellow.

After testing both colours of bulb on his lamp, he decides that he likes the yellow LED better.

What do you call chameleon that can't change its colours?

A chameleoff

I find it ironic that the colours red white and blue stand for freedom

Until they're flashing behind you

They just tested the New Years confetti in New York to see if it would survive in the weather

It passed with flying colours

Redditors are like eggs

They come in many different colours and sizes, but deep down they all have the same yolks.

Hitler wanted to be a painter but failed. Ended up almost killing entire ethnicities of people.

He never did learn to mix the colours.

Changes from the 1850s to now.

"Can I borrow your colours" had a much different meaning back then

Doing the laundry is racist...

You have to seperate the whites from the colours

My laundromat is Racist

The insist i separate my whites from my colours.

When i was a child, my parents wanted to me to come out in flying colours.

So i told them that i'm gay.

What do people and jellybeans have in common?

They come in all different colours an I love them all equally.

You should never...

You should never pamper your pet chameleon, because it'll start to show it's *true colours.*

Roses are red, violets are blue.

When it comes to flower colours, the person who made this has no clue.

I took LSD everyday in a class I aced.

It was fantastic, I got to see the flying colours I passed by.

I just passed my LSD screening test...

...with flying colours.

What colours are mirrors?

Let's reflect on this.

What do new car colours and your mom's literary collection have in common?

They both only have fifty shades of grey.

I failed horribly in Art class this year.

Apparently, passing with flying colours didn't mean what I think it meant.

I failed my Arts class.

Apparently passing with flying colours isn't what I think it means.

How did Nyan Cat go in his astronaut course?

He passed with flying colours.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes