Colour Jokes
167 colour jokes and hilarious colour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about colour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you enjoy making people laugh with off-colour jokes? See how you can tickle their funny bone with these colour related jokes that touch on topics like being colour blind, the colour blue, green, pink and orange. See how you can make people giggle with these colourful jokes!
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Funniest Colour Short Jokes
Short colour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The colour humour may include short color jokes also.
- Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos. Sometimes she needs a shoulder to crayon.
- According to ancient japanese lore, a person's aura takes a particular colour right before they die. Cyan Aura.
- I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby... ...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
- 5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
High fives all round! - Americans are the best at solving Rubik's Cube They have a long history of sorting and separating colours
- I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind.. It came completely out of the green
- Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u - A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was. I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"
- The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war while French people remove the red and blue colour
- I got a vasectomy two years ago. Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.
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Colour One Liners
Which colour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with colour? I can suggest the ones about purple and yellow color.
- What's the difference between grey and gray? One is a color, and the other is a colour.
- What colour can unlock a car? Khaki
- Crayons are just like M&Ms.... They taste the same no matter what colour they are.
- My Gf: What colour are my eyes? Me: 34C.
- What is the colour of the Wind? Blew.
- did you know cyan is the best colour? it's cyantifically proven.
- What Colour Confuses an Idiot? Blue
- Whats a wind turbines favourite colour? Blew!
- What is it called when buckets of paint conspire with each other? A colour scheme.
- I finished 3 books today.. Might not sound like it, but that's a lot of colouring
- What happens when you drink food colouring? You dye a little on the inside.
- Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green. Its sublime
- What does a colour's laugh sound like? Hue hue hue
- What do Tv and American schools have in common? there weren't any colours until the 60s
- Turquoise is the best colour in the world It is cyantifically proven
Off Colour Jokes
Here is a list of funny off colour jokes and even better off colour puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my therapist that I was seeing strange colours. He told me they were just pigments of my imagination.
- Just went to the doctor and found out I'm colour blind Genuinely can't believe it, this has come completely out of the green
- I drank accidently ended up drinking some food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
- I'm at the beach with my friend. He's a huge prankster. He's just gone way out into the water with some of that red food colouring.
Hasn't moved for about ten minutes. Brilliant. - If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you... Gingerly
- What do colour-blind people and cyclists have in common? They can't tell the difference between red and green.
- Two Irishmen are talking ... One says to the other "Y'know, green is my favourite colour in the whole world! In fact, I like it more than blue and yellow combined!"
- If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa... What colour Ferrari would you get?
- I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue. I though they were the aqua-marines.
- No, you haven't invented a new colour... It's just a pigment of your imagination!
Colour Blindness Jokes
Here is a list of funny colour blindness jokes and even better colour blindness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is red and green and blue all over? I have no idea I'm colour blind
- I can complete a Rubik's Cube without touching it Perk of being colour blind
- My colour blind friend is still upset with me. I thought the Rubik's cube was a great gift.
- My colour blind friend told me there were only two kinds of people in the world. I told him to stop seeing things in black and white.
- Did you hear about the colour-blind fortune teller? He could only see the fuchsia
- So the test results are in. It's bad news guys, the doctor says I'm colour blind.
Ill be honest with you, that diagnosis came totally out of the pink. - I'm colour blind. But it only affects me once in a brown moon.
- As your colour blind attorney,I can tell you the law isn't always clear cut... It's not all purple and orange
- As a colour blind bomb technician You only defuse a bomb once
- I'm not blind. I'm just colour blind to all colour except black.
Colour Blue Jokes
Here is a list of funny colour blue jokes and even better colour blue puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you could have a Dodge Viper or the girl of your dreams, what colour would it be? Black and blue of course.
...
The girl, not the car.
(Courtesy of my son, the sicko). - I find it ironic that the colours red white and blue stand for freedom Until they're flashing behind you
- Roses are red, violets are blue. When it comes to flower colours, the person who made this has no clue.
- I love the colour green.... More than blue and yellow combined
- Girl, are you the colour blue? because 0000FF.
- It's not often I read about oddly coloured orbiting planets. About once in a blue moon.
- What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and the colour changing dress? They both started out black and blue then became white and golden
- What's a Native's 2 favourite colours? Blue and Blue Light.
- What's your favourite colour? I love green 'cos it reminds me of blue.
Favourite Colour Jokes
Here is a list of funny favourite colour jokes and even better favourite colour puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What was Helen Keller's favourite colour? Corduroy.
- In the end, it isn't about whether or not someone uses colour or armour or favourite it's all about u
- A good way to start a conversation is 'What's your favorite color'. A good way to end a conversation is What's your favourite colour of a person.
- According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is... Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission) - What's a castaway's favourite colour? Maroon
- What's a potato's favourite colour? Idk... Literally
- What is a Communist's favourite colour? Comm-Red
- What's Adele's favourite colour? Chips.
Colour Blind Jokes
Here is a list of funny colour blind jokes and even better colour blind puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do doctors call people who aren't racist? Colour blind.
- One advantage to being colour blind is.. Always being able to quickly finish a Rubik's cube.
- What is the worst nutrition advice you can give to a colour blind person? Eat the rainbow
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Colour Jokes
What funny jokes about colour you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cyan jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make colour pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
Two blondes were doing a crossword.
One asks, "How do you spell paint"? The other one replies,
"What colour"??
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.
And then the building exploded.
Semantics really
I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".
I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
b**... the best colour to wear to a f**... isn't it?
Just thinking which rollerblades to wear.
Coloured Eggs
A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.
The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
Drew Barrymore
Now I just need to colour him in
When I have kids...
When I have kids I want them to be friends with people of every colour of the rainbow...
So no black people
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend asked me, "Did you know Isaac Newton died a v**..."?
I replied, "What colour?"
Life
Old man has 8 hair on his head.
He went to Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked:
shall i cut or count ?
Old man smiled and said:
"Colour it!"
LIFE is to enjoy with whatever you have with you, keep smiling
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Here's a limerick I wrote:
There once was a colour named orange,
...d**....
I tried to change the colour of my monk's costume so I could reuse it
but I guess old habits dye hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you think colours aren't funny
then you lack a sense of hue-mour
People are like traffic lights
You have to judge them by colour
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl in a club...
A girl in a club said to me, "Did you know that you can tell the colour of someone's p**... by the colour of their eyebrows?"
"I think I've heard that, yeah."
"And I've got no eyebrows, so what does that tell you?"
"Going by the rest of your face, have you been in a fire?"
What is the illuminatis favorite colour and why?
[Ultraviolet; they don't want you to see the truth.]
This is an original joke.
What's China's national colour?
Censo-red.
Picking which colour pen to use....
Its always a bic decision
What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?
I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.
What did the surgeon tell Michael Jackson before he changed his skin colour?
Everything's gonna be all white.
Did you know there is one colour that can time travel?
It can only go to the fuchsia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about s**... harassment in the work place.
A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about s**... harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"
What colour bricks?
Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.
My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!
If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?
None, a green house is made out of glass.
What is Po's (Kung Fu Panda) dominant colour?
White because his father returned.
I Iove your smile becoz
My favorite colour is "YELLOW"!! :D'
What colour pants do you need to start a vehicle?
Khaki
If you have 10 apples and Michael takes 6.
What colour is Michael?
I don't discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes...
In fact you could call me a fashist
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting a bit worried, is this normal?
One of my n**... is a different colour than the other two
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella
She notices j**... colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"
Parents always loved asking this joke.
If a day old ant, takes a week to learn how to walk in a month's time, how many lemons are in a bag of pumpkins?
A banana of this colour.
What colour did Matthew McConaughey paint his house?
All white, all white, all white...
Vasectomy misunderstanding
She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.
Britons vs. Americans
Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.
What do you call a colour doing a chemistry degree?
Cyantific.
What's the difference between snooker and society?
In snooker, black is the most valuable colour.
What did the colour-changing lizard say to his significant other?
You're one in chameleon
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do they give the winners of the Tour de France a yellow jersey?
To remind them what colour their u**... is meant to be.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband buys a dozen of p**... of the same colour for his wife.
His wife protests: " Why the same colour, people will think i don't change my p**...."
Husband asks" which people?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is a ginger
During s**... she turns this colour between red and yellow, we call it her "O"range.
What is it called when a chameleon can't change it's colour?
Rigor mortis
My friend Craig got me those sunglasses for colourblind people; yesterday I saw colour for the first time.
Turns out, Craig is black.
Last night I dreamt in colour
But then I woke up and realised it was a pigment of my imagination
I asked my wife why all the jigsaw pieces were the same colour...
I was pretty crestfallen to learn it was a box of cornflakes.
What colour in the Italian flag represents loyalty in WWII?
Purple. (there's no purple in the Italian flag)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do The Brit's still use 'u' in words like colour and armour ?
Because Rick Astley is British.
Eddie Vedder's LED lamp bulb stops working...
He goes out to buy some replacements, and sees that the colour options available consist of blue and yellow.
After testing both colours of bulb on his lamp, he decides that he likes the yellow LED better.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: Hey, how do you spell color?
British Friend: C-O-L-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell honor?
British Friend: H-O-N-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell neighbor?
British Friend: N-E-I-G-H-B-O-U-R
Me: Why do you keep adding an extra 'u' in these words?
British Friend: dQw4w9WgXcQ
Which object in the Milky Way is a muddy brown colour?
Uranus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Britain: American English is s**..., you can't even spell colour right.
America: No u.
What's brown and sticky?
My car, I lied about the colour, oh, and the sticky bit.
An American is moving to Britain...
...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:
"Good mourning sir....
What color do you get when you mix ketchup nd mayonaise?
A withish reddish colour
The 3 main difference between the UK and the USA
In the UK it's football. In the USA it's soccer.
In the UK it's Colour. In the USA it's Color.
In the UK it's School. In the USA it's shooting range.
What is the colour of a ghost's toilet?
Boo-loo.
