Colour Jokes
177 colour jokes and hilarious colour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about colour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you enjoy making people laugh with off-colour jokes? See how you can tickle their funny bone with these colour related jokes that touch on topics like being colour blind, the colour blue, green, pink and orange. See how you can make people giggle with these colourful jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Colour Jokes
- Colour One Liners
- Off Colour Jokes
- Colour Blindness Jokes
- Colour Blue Jokes
- Favourite Colour Jokes
- Colour Blind Jokes
- More Colour Jokes
Funniest Colour Short Jokes
Short colour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The colour humour may include short color jokes also.
- Why do The Brit's still use 'u' in words like colour and armour ? Because Rick Astley is British.
- I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby
- I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers... I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
- Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos. Sometimes she needs a shoulder to crayon.
- According to ancient japanese lore, a person's aura takes a particular colour right before they die. Cyan Aura.
- Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains? Because the sun just came out.
- So I was at the Library today .. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"
- I just found out I'm colour blind The diagnosis came completely out of the green.
(Courtesy of a family member) - I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby... ...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
- 5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
High fives all round!
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Colour One Liners
Which colour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with colour? I can suggest the ones about purple and yellow color.
- What's the difference between grey and gray? One is a color, and the other is a colour.
- What colour can unlock a car? Khaki
- What do you call it when a chameleon can't change colours anymore? A reptile dysfunction
- Crayons are just like M&Ms.... They taste the same no matter what colour they are.
- So I got a vasectomy... Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.
- When my kid is upset I let her colour my tattoo! She just needs a shoulder to Crayon
- My Gf: What colour are my eyes? Me: 34C.
- What is the colour of the Wind? Blew.
- did you know cyan is the best colour? it's cyantifically proven.
- What Colour Confuses an Idiot? Blue
- What do you call a colour that you make up in your head? A pigment of my imagination.
- Whats a wind turbines favourite colour? Blew!
- What is it called when buckets of paint conspire with each other? A colour scheme.
- I finished 3 books today.. Might not sound like it, but that's a lot of colouring
- What happens when you drink food colouring? You dye a little on the inside.
Off Colour Jokes
Here is a list of funny off colour jokes and even better off colour puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Americans are the best at solving Rubik's Cube They have a long history of sorting and separating colours
- I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind.. It came completely out of the green
- Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u - For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid. I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.
- I was in a library and a black guy came up to me. "Where's the coloured printer?" He said
"Mate, it's 2020 you can use any printer you want" I replied - A newbie at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was. I said "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want"
- The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war while French people remove the red and blue colour
- According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person's aura changes changes right before they die. Cyan-aura.
- I got a vasectomy two years ago. Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.
- Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight Unless it blows?
Colour Blindness Jokes
Here is a list of funny colour blindness jokes and even better colour blindness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just went to the doctor and found out I'm colour blind Genuinely can't believe it, this has come completely out of the green
- What do colour-blind people and cyclists have in common? They can't tell the difference between red and green.
- I just found out I am colour blind. It really came out of the grey.
- I was diagnosed with colour blindness yesterday. The news came out of the purple.
- I just got diagnosed as colour blind! I didn't expect that - it came straight out of the purple!
- What is red and green and blue all over? I have no idea I'm colour blind
- Found out I was colour blind the other day That one came right out of the orange!
- I can complete a Rubik's Cube without touching it Perk of being colour blind
- My colour blind friend is still upset with me. I thought the Rubik's cube was a great gift.
- My colour blind friend told me there were only two kinds of people in the world. I told him to stop seeing things in black and white.
Colour Blue Jokes
Here is a list of funny colour blue jokes and even better colour blue puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two Irishmen are talking ... One says to the other "Y'know, green is my favourite colour in the whole world! In fact, I like it more than blue and yellow combined!"
- I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue. I though they were the aqua-marines.
- If you could have a Dodge Viper or the girl of your dreams, what colour would it be? Black and blue of course.
...
The girl, not the car.
(Courtesy of my son, the sicko). - I dislike the colour purple more than blue and red combined.
- I find it ironic that the colours red white and blue stand for freedom Until they're flashing behind you
- Roses are red, violets are blue. When it comes to flower colours, the person who made this has no clue.
- I love the colour green.... More than blue and yellow combined
- Girl, are you the colour blue? because 0000FF.
- It's not often I read about oddly coloured orbiting planets. About once in a blue moon.
- What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and the colour changing dress? They both started out black and blue then became white and golden
Favourite Colour Jokes
Here is a list of funny favourite colour jokes and even better favourite colour puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If communism would adapt English, they would adapt to British English. ColOURs, FlavOURs, FavOURite and humOUR.
- What was Helen Keller's favourite colour? Corduroy.
- In the end, it isn't about whether or not someone uses colour or armour or favourite it's all about u
- A good way to start a conversation is 'What's your favorite color'. A good way to end a conversation is What's your favourite colour of a person.
- According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is... Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission) - What's a Neckbeards' favourite colour? M'genta
- What's a castaway's favourite colour? Maroon
- What's a potato's favourite colour? Idk... Literally
- What is a Communist's favourite colour? Comm-Red
- What's Helen Keller's favourite colour ? Velcro.
Colour Blind Jokes
Here is a list of funny colour blind jokes and even better colour blind puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the colour-blind fortune teller? He could only see the fuchsia
- So the test results are in. It's bad news guys, the doctor says I'm colour blind.
Ill be honest with you, that diagnosis came totally out of the pink. - The doctor told me I'm colour blind. That really came out of the purple
- I'm colour blind. But it only affects me once in a brown moon.
- Q: Why did God invent colour blindness? A: So someone will fancy the ginger kids.
- I just found out I was colour blind. The diagnosis came out of the purple.
- As your colour blind attorney,I can tell you the law isn't always clear cut... It's not all purple and orange
- As a colour blind bomb technician You only defuse a bomb once
- I'm not blind. I'm just colour blind to all colour except black.
- Calling a colour-blind person racist like calling a deaf person... It's ironic
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Colour Jokes
What funny jokes about colour you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cyan jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make colour pranks.
How does Bono spell the word "colour"?
With or without u.
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
Two blondes were doing a crossword.
One asks, "How do you spell paint"? The other one replies,
"What colour"??
What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.
And then the building exploded.
Semantics really
I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".
I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.
If you had to choose between Bill Gates' money and world peace...
...what colour should your porsche be?
b**... the best colour to wear to a f**... isn't it?
Just thinking which rollerblades to wear.
Coloured Eggs
A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.
The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.
Drew Barrymore
Now I just need to colour him in
Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green.
Its sublime
When I have kids...
When I have kids I want them to be friends with people of every colour of the rainbow...
So no black people
A friend asked me, "Did you know Isaac Newton died a v**..."?
I replied, "What colour?"
Here's a limerick I wrote:
There once was a colour named orange,
...d**....
I tried to change the colour of my monk's costume so I could reuse it
but I guess old habits dye hard.
If you think colours aren't funny
then you lack a sense of hue-mour
People are like traffic lights
You have to judge them by colour
A girl in a club...
A girl in a club said to me, "Did you know that you can tell the colour of someone's p**... by the colour of their eyebrows?"
"I think I've heard that, yeah."
"And I've got no eyebrows, so what does that tell you?"
"Going by the rest of your face, have you been in a fire?"
What's China's national colour?
Censo-red.
Turns out my vasectomy didn't stop us from having more kids.
Turns out my vasectomy didn't stop us from having more kids, it just made them a different colour.
What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?
I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.
Which is the most powerful colour?
Super Cyan
What colour does a smurf turn when you choke it?
I don't know, I was too busy m**....
A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about s**... harassment in the work place.
A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about s**... harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"
What colour bricks?
Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.
My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!
If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?
None, a green house is made out of glass.
What is Po's (Kung Fu Panda) dominant colour?
White because his father returned.
What colour pants do you need to start a vehicle?
Khaki
I don't discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes...
In fact you could call me a fashist
Getting a bit worried, is this normal?
One of my n**... is a different colour than the other two
A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella
She notices j**... colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"
Parents always loved asking this joke.
If a day old ant, takes a week to learn how to walk in a month's time, how many lemons are in a bag of pumpkins?
A banana of this colour.
What colour did Matthew McConaughey paint his house?
All white, all white, all white...
Vasectomy misunderstanding
She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.
Britons vs. Americans
Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.
What's the difference between snooker and society?
In snooker, black is the most valuable colour.
Turquoise is the best colour in the world
It is cyantifically proven
I'm not a racist...
I have a colour TV
What did the colour-changing lizard say to his significant other?
You're one in chameleon
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any more children.
Apparently a vasectomy doesn't stop you from having children, it only changes the colour of their skin.
A husband buys a dozen of p**... of the same colour for his wife.
His wife protests: " Why the same colour, people will think i don't change my p**...."
Husband asks" which people?
What is it called when a chameleon can't change it's colour?
Rigor mortis
If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you...
Gingerly
My friend Craig got me those sunglasses for colourblind people; yesterday I saw colour for the first time.
Turns out, Craig is black.
Last night I dreamt in colour
But then I woke up and realised it was a pigment of my imagination
A British man
A British man asks and American,
Why don't you spell colour, armour, or flavour the same way as we do?
The American replied,
We got rid of u in 1776.
Eddie Vedder's LED lamp bulb stops working...
He goes out to buy some replacements, and sees that the colour options available consist of blue and yellow.
After testing both colours of bulb on his lamp, he decides that he likes the yellow LED better.
No, you haven't invented a new colour...
It's just a pigment of your imagination!
Me: Hey, how do you spell color?
British Friend: C-O-L-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell honor?
British Friend: H-O-N-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell neighbor?
British Friend: N-E-I-G-H-B-O-U-R
Me: Why do you keep adding an extra 'u' in these words?
British Friend: dQw4w9WgXcQ
Britain: American English is s**..., you can't even spell colour right.
America: No u.
What colour can you use to start your car?
Khaki
What's brown and sticky?
My car, I lied about the colour, oh, and the sticky bit.
If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa...
What colour Ferrari would you get?
An American is moving to Britain...
...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:
"Good mourning sir....
I just turned down a girl because of the colour of her skin.
Can't be dealing with her terrible fake tan.
A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.
To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.
They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.
I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant...
I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant. Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
Why don't Americans spell color like colour?
It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don't need u.
