Colour Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Colour puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Colour

Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

Why do The Brit's still use 'u' in words like colour and armour ?

Because Rick Astley is British.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant

But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby

I just found out I'm colour blind

The diagnosis came completely out of the green.

(Courtesy of a family member)

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby...

...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.

I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind..

It came completely out of the green

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

Crayons are just like M&Ms....

They taste the same no matter what colour they are.

So I got a vasectomy...

Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.

My Gf: What colour are my eyes?

Me: 34C.

What is the colour of the Wind?

Blew.

The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war

while French people remove the red and blue colour

What colour bricks?

Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.

My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!

If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?

None, a green house is made out of glass.

What Colour Confuses an Idiot?

Blue

What do you call a colour that you make up in your head?

A pigment of my imagination.

Semantics really

I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".

I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.

Just went to the doctor and found out I'm colour blind

Genuinely can't believe it, this has come completely out of the green

I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any more children.

Apparently a vasectomy doesn't stop you from having children, it only changes the colour of their skin.

What is it called when buckets of paint conspire with each other?

A colour scheme.

Britons vs. Americans

Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby

Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

A husband buys a dozen of panties of the same colour for his wife.

His wife protests: " Why the same colour, people will think i don't change my panties."

Husband asks" which people?

Why do colourblind people suck at dating?

Because they fail to see the red flags in a relationship

Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green.

Its sublime

Lifesavers

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) Of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers. The children began to identify the flavours by their colour:

Red......................Cherry

Yellow..................Lemon

Green....................Lime

Orange...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,

'Oh my God!! They're assholes!'

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices Jerry colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

Turns out my vasectomy didn't stop us from having more kids.

Turns out my vasectomy didn't stop us from having more kids, it just made them a different colour.

If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you...

Gingerly

Turquoise is the best colour in the world

It is cyantifically proven

If you think colours aren't funny

then you lack a sense of hue-mour

A nun decides to dye her worn out clothes

A nun decided that it was much cheaper to just dye the colour back into her worn out clothes instead of buying new clothes. Every year, the nun would go to a nearby dye shop to dye her clothes and hang them to dry.

When she returned to the store for the 10th time, she dyed and hung her clothes. When she came back to get her clothes, they were stiff and uncomfortable. She complained to the store manager and asked why that happened to her clothes.

The store manager replied: "Well madam, old habits dye hard"

I just found out I am colour blind.

It really came out of the grey.

If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa...

What colour Ferrari would you get?

Two Irishmen are talking ...

One says to the other "Y'know, green is my favourite colour in the whole world! In fact, I like it more than blue and yellow combined!"

I was diagnosed with colour blindness yesterday.

The news came out of the purple.

Britain: American English is stupid, you can't even spell colour right.

America: No u.

Why don't Americans spell color like colour?

It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don't need u.

Coloured Eggs

A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.

The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.

I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue.

I though they were the aqua-marines.

I'm not a racist...

I have a colour TV

An American is moving to Britain...

...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:

"Good mourning sir....

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

And then the building exploded.

No, you haven't invented a new colour...

It's just a pigment of your imagination!

A British man

A British man asks and American,

Why don't you spell colour, armour, or flavour the same way as we do?

The American replied,

We got rid of u in 1776.

Me: Hey, how do you spell color?

British Friend: C-O-L-O-U-R

Me: How do you spell honor?

British Friend: H-O-N-O-U-R

Me: How do you spell neighbor?

British Friend: N-E-I-G-H-B-O-U-R

Me: Why do you keep adding an extra 'u' in these words?

British Friend: dQw4w9WgXcQ

I just got diagnosed as colour blind!

I didn't expect that - it came straight out of the purple!

What's China's national colour?

Censo-red.

Which is the most powerful colour?

Super Cyan

Vasectomy misunderstanding

She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.

A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place.

A woman came into our work yesterday to give us all a talk about sexual harassment in the work place. After the presentation she asked, "Has anyone got any questions?"
I put my hand up and asked, "What colour knickers have you got on?"

I don't discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes...

In fact you could call me a fashist

Two blondes were doing a crossword.

One asks, "How do you spell paint"? The other one replies,

"What colour"??

NSFW - I was on vacation in Australia with my girlfriend

And we were sunbathing on a nudist beach.

All of a sudden a hornet flew down and stung her right on her special area. It immediately swelled up and turned a rather nasty colour.

I immediately rang the Australian helpline for insect stings.

"G'Day mate, what seems to be the bother?"
"Well, we were sunbathing nude and a hornet flew down and stung my girlfriend's crotch, and it's swollen up and turned a nasty colour, and I don't know what to do!"
"Bummer, mate."
"Thanks."

I tried to change the colour of my monk's costume so I could reuse it

but I guess old habits dye hard.

What is Po's (Kung Fu Panda) dominant colour?

White because his father returned.

When I have kids...

When I have kids I want them to be friends with people of every colour of the rainbow...
So no black people

If you truly believe that "Colour Doesn't Matter"

try arguing with your wife when choosing wallpaper.

What colour pants do you need to start a vehicle?

Khaki

The Nuns robes

The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant...

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant. Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.

If you could have a Dodge Viper or the girl of your dreams, what colour would it be?

Black and blue of course.
...
The girl, not the car.

(Courtesy of my son, the sicko).

What is the name of the colour which is screaming?

YELLow

Getting a bit worried, is this normal?

One of my nipples is a different colour than the other two

How does Bono spell the word "colour"?

With or without u.

What colour can you use to start your car?

Khaki

Here's a limerick I wrote:

There once was a colour named orange,

...Damnit.

I just turned down a girl because of the colour of her skin.

Can't be dealing with her terrible fake tan.

What's the difference between snooker and society?

In snooker, black is the most valuable colour.

People are like traffic lights

You have to judge them by colour

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.

To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.

They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.

My colour blind friend told me there were only two kinds of people in the world.

I told him to stop seeing things in black and white.

My friend Craig got me those sunglasses for colourblind people; yesterday I saw colour for the first time.

Turns out, Craig is black.

Blacks the best colour to wear to a funeral isn't it?

Just thinking which rollerblades to wear.

What was Helen Keller's favourite colour?

Corduroy.

What did the colour-changing lizard say to his significant other?

You're one in chameleon

Last night I dreamt in colour

But then I woke up and realised it was a pigment of my imagination

Eddie Vedder's LED lamp bulb stops working...

He goes out to buy some replacements, and sees that the colour options available consist of blue and yellow.

After testing both colours of bulb on his lamp, he decides that he likes the yellow LED better.

A good way to start a conversation is 'What's your favorite color'. A good way to end a conversation is

What's your favourite colour of a person.

In the end, it isn't about whether or not someone uses colour or armour or favourite

it's all about u

Parents always loved asking this joke.

If a day old ant, takes a week to learn how to walk in a month's time, how many lemons are in a bag of pumpkins?

A banana of this colour.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes