Coloration Jokes

If you had to choose between world peace and Bill Gates' fortune...

What color would your Lamborghini be?

Two Jews were arguing whether or not white is a color

After arguing for a week they went for an advice to their rabbi
Rabbi looked into an old book and said yes, white is a color.
A week later same Jews were arguing for a week whether black is a color
Went to the same rabbi who said yes, black is also a color
See!!! says one of them, I did sell you a color TV!!!!

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Did you hear there was a fire in George Bushes personal library?

It was awful! Most of his books hadn't even been colored in yet.

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!
"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

I was sitting in the library...

I was sitting in the library when a black guy came up to me, asking "Where are the colored printers?" I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn
^He^^He^^^He^^^^He

A black kid asked me if there was a colored printer in the library...

What do cows drink joke

Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?

My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter...

"You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."

Hey did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color?

It had a reptile dysfunction

How does Bono spell color?

With or without "u"

Why do the Minnesota vikings wear purple as a team color?

If you've been choking for 50 years, you'd be purple too!

[OC] What color is someone's aura when they're about to die?

Cyan Aura

I swallowed some food coloring the other day. I'll be alright, but it feels like I dyed a little inside.

My black friend asked me where to find the color copier

I said it's 2015 and he can use whatever copier he wants to

Today i thought i saw a new color...

but it turned out to just be a pigment of my imagination

A black man asks a white man where the colored printer is.

The white man smiles and says, "My friend, in this day and age, you can use any printer."

After my vasectomy I thought I couldn't get my wife pregenant

Apparently it just changes the color of the baby

I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry

There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the w**....

I wanted to tell you all about a color I made up.....

but, as it turns out, it was just a pigment of my imagination.

There are a mother and child at a wedding.

The child turns to her mother and asks "Mommy, why is the Bride wearing white?" The mother quietly responds "Because, white is seen as the color of happiness, and this is the happiest day of her life!" The child ponders this for a moment, and then turns to her mother again. "Then why is the Groom wearing black?"

I thought up a color that doesn't exist...

It's just a pigment of my imagination.

What's the strongest color?

Super Cyan

A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."
"I want a dragon."
"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"
"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."
"...what color dragon do you want?"

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.

He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had s**... with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

The US flag on the moon lost its color and is now completely white

It's now the French flag.

If you could choose between having a light saber or saving a child.....

Which color light saber would you choose?

Which color confuses an idiot?

Blue

Am I able to think up of a brand new color...

...or will it just be a pigment of my imagination?

A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

I was on acid and I actually tasted colors.

Tasted a lot like paint.

I got a white noise machine to help me sleep...

but it just keeps saying things like "I have many friends of different colors" and "I just wish America was like how it used to be."

I swallowed some food coloring once

I went to the doctor and he said I was fine, but I felt like I had dyed a little inside.

Today I saw this absolutely stunning color that I've never seen before! It was indescribable, but when I blinked, it disappeared.

I guess it was just a pigment of my imagination.

I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby.

Or at least that's what my mailman said.

I had vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant...

But apparently all it does is change the color of your baby

I was forced to s**... purple food color.

I feel violated.

Noone actually dreams in color.

It's just a pigment of your imagination.

I was standing in a library

And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."

I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn't prevent you from getting your wife pregnant.

It just changes the color of the baby. :(

James Bond is laid off

James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "

I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were?

I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."

Julie Andrews withdraws her endorsement

Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.
In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."

Olympic condoms (n**...)

A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"

I accidentally drank the water we used to color eggs for Easter.

I think I dyed a little inside.

I just got diagnosed with color blindness.

I gotta say this diagnosis came out of the orange.

Mother, mother, ...

... how come other children need hours to solve Rubik's cube but I do it in just a few seconds?
- Well, sweetie, it's because you're color blind.

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

A man walks into a bar and it's empty – it's just him and the bartender.

He sits down and orders a drink.
After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, Pssst… I like your tie.
The man looks around but doesn't see anyone.
Pssst… that color looks nice on you.
He asks the bartender, Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?
The bartender rolls his eyes and says, No, sorry about that. It's the peanuts… they're complimentary.

What's the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is n**... in dye and the other died in new.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

I got a vasectomy but my gf still got pregnant.

Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

Two Jews are arguing before the Rabbi

J1: "Black is a color!"
J2: "NO! it is not!"
J1: "It is a color!"
J2: "Rabbi, is black a color?"
Rabbi: "Well, sure..."
J1: "See, I told you. And so is white!"
J2: "White is not a color!"
J1: "Rabbi?"
Rabbi: "Well, yes, white is a color"
J1: "See, I told you Moishe, I sold you a *color* TV"

Purple is my least favourite color

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

Four Surgeons are getting coffee

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered".
"I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered".
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded".
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their a**... are interchangeable."

Two Jews, Moishe and Abram, are arguing.

Moishe: Black is a color
Abram: No it is not.
Moishe: I'm telling you, black is a color.
Abram: No, it's not.
They go to the rabbi.
Moishe: Rebbe, is black a color?
Rabbi: Yes, Moshe, black is indeed a color.
Moshe: See, Abram, I told you.
Abram: Okay, but white is not a color,
Moishe: Yes it is.
Abram: No, it is not.
Moishe: Rebbe, is white a color?
Rabbi: Yes, Moishe, white is indeed a color.
Moishe: See, I told you I sold you a color TV.

What do you call a person who studies the color blue?

A cyantologist.

A man walks into an empty bar, except for the bartender.

He sits down and orders a drink.
After a few seconds he hears a whisper: "Pssst... I like your tie."
He looks around but doesn't see anyone.
"Pssst... "that color looks nice on you"
The man asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but... are you speaking to me?"
The bartender rolls his eyes, saying, "No, sorry about that. It's the peanuts... they're complimentary."