The Best 34 Colonoscopy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Colonoscopy jokes. There are some colonoscopy patient jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these colonoscopy proctologist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Colonoscopy Jokes and Puns

If you can't afford healthcare...

Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!

So I had a colonoscopy today...

While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"

"I haven't got an erection," I said.

"No, but I have." he replied.

A guy goes in for a colonoscopy...

...and when things are well under way, the doctor says, "It's normal at this part of the procedure to experience and erection."

The guy says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."

The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*.

Colonoscopy joke, A guy goes in for a colonoscopy...


A guy goes in to his proctologist for a colonoscopy. The doctor has the camera up there, watching the video on the screen. The doctor says, "At this point in the process, it's normal to experience an erection."

The guys says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."

The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*."

That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy

He's pretty ham-fisted

What they tell you in the colonoscopy waiting room


At the hospital

I went to the hospital today for a Gastroscopy test.

In the waiting room the doctor came through and explained the situation to the four of us sat waiting there.

He explained that I was having the Gastroscopy, which is the camera down the throat.

Whilst the other three were there for a Colonoscopy, which is the camera up the arsehole. The doctor asked if we had any questions.

I said: "Yes. Can I go first?"

Colonoscopy joke, At the hospital

The light at the end of the tunnel.. colonoscopy

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy?

A Cameron Diaz


A man gets released from his first colonoscopy into the recovery room. His wife and doctor arrive bedside to discuss the results of his operation. Before the doctor can open his mouth, the wife says "Did you find his head?"

My English professor had a colonoscopy...

Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.

You can explore colonoscopy radiologist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean colonoscopy doctor dad jokes. There are also colonoscopy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My first colonoscopy..

...wasn't that bad. Once the sedatives wore off, I was surprised how little pain I was in. I just couldn't figure out how the doctor did it with both hands on my shoulders.

What should the real name for a colonoscopy be?

A colonoscopoo.

I recently had a colonoscopy...

I learned that my wife is wrong and my head is not up there.

I went in for my colonoscopy, and asked my doctor how his day was going.

He said "I've been dealing with assh-les all day."

The best hand of all

Had some buddies over to play poker the night before my colonoscopy.

It was quite a game, flush after flush after flush.

Colonoscopy joke, The best hand of all

I've been waiting for an hour in the doctors waiting to be called back for my colonoscopy...

Guess they are really backed up today

After I had my colonoscopy, the proctologist asked if I had any questions.

Apparently "Do you do birthday parties?" was the wrong answer.

Yo Momma so ugly

She goes to the dentist for a colonoscopy.

What did Sonic say before his colonoscopy?

Gotta go fast.

How did the gastroenterologist defeat his opponent?

He gave him a colonoscopy with his foot

Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic?

He does 18 holes a day.

The weirdest part about my colonoscopy was

the doctor telling me that I'd feel a bit of pressure, but both of his hands were on my shoulders.

An elderly gentleman goes in for his usual colonoscopy exam....

As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination.

As the doctor was going in, he looked at the patient and smiled and said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection."

The patient, embarrassed, stated earnestly, "But I haven't got an erection."

The doctor said, "No, but I do."

I requested a gay male doctor for my colonoscopy...

because it is expensive and someone ought to enjoy it.

I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.

Now I'm in arrears.

Glad we got to the colonoscopy appointment early

There was an assload of people that came in after us.

Had a colonoscopy the other day,

Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.

how can someone feel ecstatic and devastated at the same time?

when their doctor tells them that this is the last colonoscopy they'll ever have.

If you need a Gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy...

I can Rectum-end one.

What do you call a Scottish person with a colonoscopy bag?

A human bagpipe.

What do you get when you cross a dislexic and a magician?

A rabbit colonoscopy

I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments

With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.

If 2020 were a drink, what would it be?

A colonoscopy prep.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the colonoscopy medications jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working colonoscopy rectal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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