Colonoscopy Jokes

Following is our collection of radiologist puns and patient one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Colonoscopy jokes for adults, dirty doctor jokes and clean proctologist dad gags for kids.

The Best Colonoscopy Puns

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy?

A Cameron Diaz

If you can't afford healthcare...

Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!

So I had a colonoscopy today...

While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"

"I haven't got an erection," I said.

"No, but I have." he replied.


A guy goes in to his proctologist for a colonoscopy. The doctor has the camera up there, watching the video on the screen. The doctor says, "At this point in the process, it's normal to experience an erection."

The guys says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."

The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*."

At the hospital

I went to the hospital today for a Gastroscopy test.

In the waiting room the doctor came through and explained the situation to the four of us sat waiting there.

He explained that I was having the Gastroscopy, which is the camera down the throat.

Whilst the other three were there for a Colonoscopy, which is the camera up the arsehole. The doctor asked if we had any questions.

I said: "Yes. Can I go first?"

What they tell you in the colonoscopy waiting room


The weirdest part about my colonoscopy was

the doctor telling me that I'd feel a bit of pressure, but both of his hands were on my shoulders.

If 2020 were a drink, what would it be?

A colonoscopy prep.

I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments

With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.

After I had my colonoscopy, the proctologist asked if I had any questions.

Apparently "Do you do birthday parties?" was the wrong answer.

Had a colonoscopy the other day,

Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.

I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.

Now I'm in arrears.

I've been waiting for an hour in the doctors waiting to be called back for my colonoscopy...

Guess they are really backed up today

Yo Momma so ugly

She goes to the dentist for a colonoscopy.

Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic?

He does 18 holes a day.

I requested a gay male doctor for my colonoscopy...

because it is expensive and someone ought to enjoy it.

An elderly gentleman goes in for his usual colonoscopy exam....

As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination.

As the doctor was going in, he looked at the patient and smiled and said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection."

The patient, embarrassed, stated earnestly, "But I haven't got an erection."

The doctor said, "No, but I do."

My English professor had a colonoscopy...

Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.


A man gets released from his first colonoscopy into the recovery room. His wife and doctor arrive bedside to discuss the results of his operation. Before the doctor can open his mouth, the wife says "Did you find his head?"

What should the real name for a colonoscopy be?

A colonoscopoo.

That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy

He's pretty ham-fisted

I recently had a colonoscopy...

I learned that my wife is wrong and my head is not up there.

What do you get when you cross a dislexic and a magician?

A rabbit colonoscopy

If you need a Gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy...

I can Rectum-end one.

Glad we got to the colonoscopy appointment early

There was an assload of people that came in after us.

The best hand of all

Had some buddies over to play poker the night before my colonoscopy.

It was quite a game, flush after flush after flush.

I went in for my colonoscopy, and asked my doctor how his day was going.

He said "I've been dealing with assh-les all day."

My first colonoscopy..

...wasn't that bad. Once the sedatives wore off, I was surprised how little pain I was in. I just couldn't figure out how the doctor did it with both hands on my shoulders.

What do you call a Scottish person with a colonoscopy bag?

A human bagpipe.

how can someone feel ecstatic and devastated at the same time?

when their doctor tells them that this is the last colonoscopy they'll ever have.

How did the gastroenterologist defeat his opponent?

He gave him a colonoscopy with his foot

What did Sonic say before his colonoscopy?

Gotta go fast.

The light at the end of the tunnel.. colonoscopy

A guy goes in for a colonoscopy...

...and when things are well under way, the doctor says, "It's normal at this part of the procedure to experience and erection."

The guy says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."

The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*.

There is an abundance of medications jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 34 funniest jokes and colonoscopy puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any rectal witze you can hear about colonoscopy.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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