Colonizers Jokes
124 colonizers jokes and hilarious colonizers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about colonizers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Colonizers Short Jokes
Short colonizers jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The colonizers humour may include short jokes also.
- I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out. She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
- Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence For example:
Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.
Jeffrey ate John's colon. - A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon It was a week before I realised you have to eat them
- Wife says "sorry I have my period". I said "that's ok honey, that's what the colon is for"!
- A colon can really change the meaning of a sentence "The marbles fell out of my pocket."
Vs
"The marbles fell out of my colon." - a Colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. Jane's friend took a bite of her hamburger.
vs.
Jane's friend took a bite of her colon. - We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars. All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!
- A colon can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence. Example:
I ate Julie's sandwich.
I ate Julie's colon. - Doctor the operation was a success Patient really?
Doctor yes, we have successfully removed the colon. - someone scolded me for using a semi colon instead of a colon... I just couldn't give a shift
Share These Colonizers Jokes With Friends
Colonizers One Liners
Which colonizers one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with colonizers? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Doctor: sorry but I had to remove your colon in the surgery.. Me why?
- Space colonization I: :think: :I: :may: :have: :figured: :it: :out
- Colon Cologne, the fragrance that takes you beyond Uranus!
- I can't wait until we colonize space And then it's two worlds one cup.
- I: went::: to:: the: doctor's:::: today:: I:: have::: colon: cancer::
- What do you call a doctor that works with Colons? An English professor.
- If you survive colon cancer Are you only left with a semi colon?
- The Three Protocols of Sodomination 1. Analyze
2. Colonize
3. Rectify - If there's one thing my English major girlfriend has taught me, It's what a colon does.
- Rich people have... Rich people have colon cleanses
Poor people have taco bell - Why haven't white people colonized Mars? There's no one to take it from.
- I was a surgeon with bad punctuation I got fired for leaving out a colon
- Sometimes I feel like a semi-colon I don't know where I belong ;
- What's the best way to end an argument? A semi-colon.
- What kind of punctuation do you use in a half-assed sentence? A semi-colon.
Colonizers Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about colonizers you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make colonizers pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush', ‘d**...', and ‘Colon'. Need I say more?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference
For example:
Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
Johnny ate his own colon after school.
A programmer had surgery for a stomach problem, and half of his intestines had to be removed.
He could never write code after that. He was always missing a semi-colon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Overheard on the o**... black market
"Got awful grammar? Buy this colon!"
Did you hear about the guy who was sent to prison for poor grammar?
His cellmate put his semi in his colon.
What do you get when you mix a middle aged man with colon cancer?
;
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Can we have 'Punctuation s**...' tonight?" I asked the wife.
"What do you mean, 'Punctuation s**...?" she
queried.
"It's where I put my semi in your colon ..."
What's a crohn's patient's favourite punctuation?
A semi-colon!
What do computer programmers and aged-care nurses have in common?
They both worry about the position of colons.
A blonde goes to a doctor...
A blonde goes to a doctor and says "I think I'm having constipation problem"
Doc: we need to check your "colon"
Then blonde rushes home and brings her perfume
Why were the proctologist's emails so hard to read?
Too many colons.
What do you call a school that teaches you how to draw hairy butts?
Colon-hairy Arts School!
What did the natives receive when the white man colonized North America
Nunavut
Do you want to examine a whole colon?
;;
I called my Colectomy surgeon's office...
To check on my appointment. A man with a Russian accent answered the phone saying, "Thank you for colon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My missus has a punctuation f**...
Whenever she has a period, I get to use the colon.
Who would want a "Semi" tattoo on their colon?
Not that there's anything wrong with that....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are all ants British?
Because they colonize.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did your last s**... die of?
A perforated colon.
I accidentally swallowed a contact lens today...
I've never seen my colon with such clarity before.
Why'd the Literature Student Break Up With Her Boyfriend?
Improper use of the colon.
In grammar school, most unplanned pregnancies happen early on
...before anyone knows how to use the colon.
Why is it so hard to colonize space?
Because of meteor rights
How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?
I just asked him to edit my essay; and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy; if he can figure that out from my writing.
Someone must have deforested my colon
because I just lost my pants to a mudslide.
Did you hear about the mooning emoji?
Its colon was showing
My English professor had a colonoscopy...
Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.
I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class
Improper: Colon placement
Turns out I have colon cancer. I'm getting part of it removed tomorrow.
All I'll have left is a ;
If we do end up colonizing Mars..
..the WiFi there would be out of this world
My surgeon says I'm the easiest patient to work on.
Because I'm gutless, spineless, and my brain and colon are interchangeable.
If the Scottish started to colonize North America before the British...
Could I say that the Scott Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking home late at night along a dark street. There was a young woman walking a few steps in front of me.
She crossed over to the other side of the road; I crossed over too.
She quickened her pace a little; I quickened my pace too.
She broke into a run; I broke into a run too.
She panicked and began to scream and run h**...-for-leather; I panicked and began to scream and run h**...-for-leather too.
Whatever it was, I was d**... if it was going to catch me first.
P.S. It's an old one, but I doubt the original used semi-colons, so give me that.
At my last checkup, the dentist told me my teeth were very white, when I asked him exactly how white...
...he told me they'd already colonized my entire mouth.
In my English mocks, my teacher said I needed more colons...
I told her we were intestine conditions.
A woman visits her doctor since she has some abdominal pains ...
She thinks she might be pregnant. After the examination, the doctor comes out to see her.
Doctor: *"Well, I hope you like changing diapers."*
Patient: *"Oh my god, are you serious? Am I pregnant?"*
Doctor: *"No, you've got colon cancer."*
If there are first, second, and third world counties then what will we call mars when we colonize it?
The fourth world
The council of Earth quickly came to regret putting a gastroenterologist in charge of conquering new planets..
All he wanted to do was colonize Uranus.
Dogged
I used to go out with an English Teacher but we eventually broke up because she disliked my improper use of the colon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was in the emergency room
and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of r**... pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is an English teacher
She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do p**... and semi colons have in common?
I often put them in the wrong places.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Moses say to his colon when he was constipated?
"Let my f**... go."
Colons can drastically change the meanings of sentences, far more than commas.
For example,
I come in a car
I come in a colon
What do you use to ship manure cross-country?
A semi-colon
What's the best way to clean a keyboard?
A semi-colon cleanse.
I had to have 75 percent of my colon removed
The only thing I have left is a ;
Did you know that the average person has 3lb of meat lodged in their colon?
So come on, love!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
n**... Two sperms were swimming for the egg...
One s**... says to the other "Jeez, I'm tired! How long til we get to the egg?" The other s**... says, "It's going to be a while, we just got past the colon."
What do English teachers and my girlfriend have in common?
They both yell at me for misusing the colon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you Get when you s**... a Golf ball?
A Colon 1.
I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars
V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s
A programmer accidentally ends all of her texts with a semi-colon...
A programmer accidentally starts ending her texts with semi-colons...
Unfortunately, her jokes also have pretty half-assed endings;
What is a doctors favorite punctuation mark?
A colon
When the doctor told me having a Colostomy would improve my grammar, I didn't believe him.
But it was true; I now use a semi-colon on a regular basis.
How do you know God didn't program the human digestive tract in C#?
It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.
Did you hear about the woman that was having trouble with her keyboard?
It was the colon. It was creating irritable vowel syndrome.
What do you call a colonized piece of land used for counterfeiting small nails?
A tacks fraud settlement.
Two guys were chatting in the bar
"So how's it go with that chick last night? She was an English teacher , right?"
"Yeah, she got dressed and left a few minutes after we got in bed"
"Shame. Why'd she do so?"
"I guess she didn't like my improper use of the colon."
Scientists recently found a type of gut bacteria that can survive in deep space...
They're now going to use them in a mission to colonize Mars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Semi-Colon in a sentence can make a difference...
For example:
I used to have a colon.
Since I had part of the colon removed, I have to wear this s**... all the time.
Daddy, daddy, I have colon cancer.
Don't worry, mom only has her P.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Back before the internet was so public it was very hard to get to places we take for granted. For instance there used to be a gay internet, strictly for gay people.
To find it you had to hit these keys in this sequence on your keyboard it was "Enter" "Colon" "Pound, pound, pound"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I f**... a while back
and I think I may have inspired the colonization of Mars
I was told that bananas keep the colon clean.
I just wish they had told me you are supposed to eat them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
The use of colons has less effect on well-composed songs.
before: call on me, on me, call on me, on me
after: colon me, on me, colon me, on me
A colon can really change a sentence. For instance "John went home to eat a pie" becomes..
J:o:h:n: w:e:n:t: h:o:m:e: t:o: e:a:t: a: p:i:e:
See. Totally unreadable.
What does Imogen do when there's a buildup of gas in her colon?
Imogen poots.
Why does a semi colon have that little growth on the bottom?
It has colon cancer.
Modern Colonization
Veni Vidi Wifi