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Colon Jokes

99 colon jokes and hilarious colon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about colon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article brings to light the lighter side of colon health. Get ready to laugh out loud with jokes related to colon cancer, surgery, prep, removal, polyp, fecal and bowel issues - all made to be unreadable. Get ready for the ultimate laugh-fest!

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Funniest Colon Short Jokes

Short colon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The colon humour may include short column jokes also.

  1. A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference For example:
    Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
    Johnny ate his own colon after school.
  2. The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence. Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
    becomes
    Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
  3. A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: - Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
    -
    - - Jane ate her friend's colon.
  4. I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out. She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
  5. Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence For example:
    Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.
    Jeffrey ate John's colon.
  6. I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me. I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.
    She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
  7. I used to date my english teacher but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon
  8. A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon It was a week before I realised you have to eat them
  9. A man woke up in the hospital... Doctor: I'm really sorry, but we've had to remove your colon.
    Me why?
  10. Wife says "sorry I have my period". I said "that's ok honey, that's what the colon is for"!

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Colon One Liners

Which colon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with colon? I can suggest the ones about comma and clause.

  1. Doctor: sorry but I had to remove your colon in the surgery.. Me why?
  2. Space colonization I: :think: :I: :may: :have: :figured: :it: :out
  3. Colon Cologne, the fragrance that takes you beyond Uranus!
  4. Doctor: we will have to remove your colon. me why?
  5. I can't wait until we colonize space And then it's two worlds one cup.
  6. Doctor: I'm afraid we have to remove your colon. Me why?
  7. I: went::: to:: the: doctor's:::: today:: I:: have::: colon: cancer::
  8. (OC) What do you call a doctor that works with Colons? An English professor.
  9. Why are all ants British? Because they colonize.
  10. Dr: We had to remove your colon Me Why?
  11. If you survive colon cancer Are you only left with a semi colon?
  12. Doctor: I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. Me Why?
  13. The Three Protocols of Sodomination 1. Analyze
    2. Colonize
    3. Rectify
  14. What does an author have after they get abdominal surgery? A semi-colon
  15. If there's one thing my English major girlfriend has taught me, It's what a colon does.

Colon Removal Jokes

Here is a list of funny colon removal jokes and even better colon removal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Doctor the operation was a success Patient really?
    Doctor yes, we have successfully removed the colon.
  • I told my wife, Did you know that our next door neighbor had half his intestines removed? Her: Really? Is he in a coma?
    Me: No. A semi colon.
  • When i was younger i had part of my colon removed Now i only have a semicolon
  • My English professor had a colonoscopy... Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.
  • Turns out I have colon cancer. I'm getting part of it removed tomorrow. All I'll have left is a ;
  • A programmer had surgery for a stomach problem, and half of his intestines had to be removed. He could never write code after that. He was always missing a semi-colon.
  • I had to have 75 percent of my colon removed The only thing I have left is a ;
  • A Semi-Colon in a sentence can make a difference... For example:
    I used to have a colon.
    Since I had part of the colon removed, I have to wear this s**... all the time.

Colon Cancer Jokes

Here is a list of funny colon cancer jokes and even better colon cancer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why does a semi colon have that little growth on the bottom? It has colon cancer.
  • Daddy, daddy, I have colon cancer. Don't worry, mom only has her P.
  • What do you get when you mix a middle aged man with colon cancer? ;
Colon joke, What do you get when you mix a middle aged man with colon cancer?

Colon Surgery Jokes

Here is a list of funny colon surgery jokes and even better colon surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Pope recently had Colon Surgery. Imagine having to operate on such an important person... The surgeon probably poped himself
  • What happened to the Professional Writer who had bowel surgery? He ended up with a semi-colon.
Colon joke, What happened to the Professional Writer who had bowel surgery?

Cheerful Fun Colon Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about colon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean compass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make colon pranks.

My English teacher told me that using a colon in a sentence can really change its meaning.

For example,
Jane ate her friend's sandwich
Becomes
Jane ate her friend's colon.

So I had a colonoscopy today...

While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an e**..."
"I haven't got an e**...," I said.
"No, but I have." he replied.

Overheard on the o**... black market

"Got awful grammar? Buy this colon!"

"Can we have 'Punctuation s**...' tonight?" I asked the wife.

"What do you mean, 'Punctuation s**...?" she
queried.
"It's where I put my semi in your colon ..."

What they tell you in the colonoscopy waiting room

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Colonel Mustard invited me to the library to check out his candlestick collection, but I dunno... I got a bad feeling.

Colonoscopy

A man gets released from his first colonoscopy into the recovery room. His wife and doctor arrive bedside to discuss the results of his operation. Before the doctor can open his mouth, the wife says "Did you find his head?"

I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class

Improper: Colon placement

A woman visits her doctor since she has some abdominal pains ...

She thinks she might be pregnant. After the examination, the doctor comes out to see her.
Doctor: *"Well, I hope you like changing diapers."*
Patient: *"Oh my god, are you serious? Am I pregnant?"*
Doctor: *"No, you've got colon cancer."*

Dogged

I used to go out with an English Teacher but we eventually broke up because she disliked my improper use of the colon.

Who did Santa approach when he wanted to get a divorce?

The Semi colon. They're good at separating independent clauses.

So I was in the emergency room

and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of r**... pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.

My wife is an English teacher

She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.

After I had my colonoscopy, the proctologist asked if I had any questions.

Apparently "Do you do birthday parties?" was the wrong answer.

I used to go out with an English teacher.

She used to get really annoyed with my improper use of the colon.
(Gary Delaney)

n**... Two sperms were swimming for the egg...

One s**... says to the other "Jeez, I'm tired! How long til we get to the egg?" The other s**... says, "It's going to be a while, we just got past the colon."

What do English teachers and my girlfriend have in common?

They both yell at me for misusing the colon.

What do you Get when you s**... a Golf ball?

A Colon 1.

I used to date an English teacher...

...but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.

How do you know God didn't program the human digestive tract in C#?

It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.

Two guys were chatting in the bar

"So how's it go with that chick last night? She was an English teacher , right?"
"Yeah, she got dressed and left a few minutes after we got in bed"
"Shame. Why'd she do so?"
"I guess she didn't like my improper use of the colon."

Back before the internet was so public it was very hard to get to places we take for granted. For instance there used to be a gay internet, strictly for gay people.

To find it you had to hit these keys in this sequence on your keyboard it was "Enter" "Colon" "Pound, pound, pound"

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during s**....

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

I was told that bananas keep the colon clean.

I just wish they had told me you are supposed to eat them.

Had a colonoscopy the other day,

Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.

A little boy asks his dad, "Where does p**... come from?"

His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.
"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as p**...."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"

What did the colonist say at the Boston Tea Party?

The price is too steep!

I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments

With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.

So I followed some advice I heard on tv and shoved a lightbulb up my a**... to kill this virus.

So far no effect, but it sure gave my colon a great idea.

Some people say that leafy greens are the best thing for colon health

But I think fiber makes a solid number two.

I used to date an English teacher.

She dumped me however...
She didn't like my improper use of the colon.

A colon can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:
I ate Julie's sandwich.
I ate Julie's colon.

I'‌‌m datin‌‌g a‌‌n Englis‌‌h teache‌‌r wh‌‌o keep‌‌s correctin‌‌g m‌‌y gramma‌‌r durin‌‌g s**....

Sh‌‌e get‌‌s particularl‌‌y annoye‌‌d abou‌‌t m‌‌y imprope‌‌r us‌‌e o‌‌f th‌‌e colon.

What did the colonial powers say to the Horn of Africa?

'I'm coming for Djibouti'

I went out with an English teacher once

But she dumped me for improper use of the colon...

I'‌‌m datin‌‌g a‌‌n Englis‌‌h teache‌‌r wh‌‌o keep‌‌s correctin‌‌g m‌‌y gramma‌‌r durin‌‌g s**....

Sh‌‌e get‌‌s particularl‌‌y annoye‌‌d abou‌‌t m‌‌y imprope‌‌r us‌‌e o‌‌f th‌‌e colon.

Rich people have...

Rich people have colon cleanses
Poor people have taco bell

A colon can really change the meaning of a sentence

"The marbles fell out of my pocket."
Vs
"The marbles fell out of my colon."

Different body parts rate each other

The Brain to the Liver: You're a 6.
The Spleen to the Colon: You're a 7.
The u**... to the Bladder: Urinate.

A colon in a sentence can make it memorable

Jane ate her friend's lunch.
Jane ate her friend's colon.
See what I mean?

We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

Colonoscopy Prep

My girlfriend is going in to get a colonoscopy tomorrow. She wants me to pick up some large Googly-eyes to make her a**... look like a face, then she wants to tuck in a post-it note saying Psssst: we've been wanting to talk to you about your car's extended warranty.
Never a dull moment here.

a Colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.

Jane's friend took a bite of her hamburger.
vs.
Jane's friend took a bite of her colon.

Where does the Colonel keep his army?

Up his sleevey

Why did the idiot sit on a Xerox machine?

His doctor told him he needed a colon a**... copy.

someone scolded me for using a semi colon instead of a colon...

I just couldn't give a shift

Colon joke

jokes about colon