Following is our collection of unreadable puns and intestinal one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Colon jokes for adults, dirty toucans jokes and clean colonoscopy dad gags for kids.
For example:
Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
Johnny ate his own colon after school.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.
She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.
She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon
Doctor: I'm really sorry, but we've had to remove your colon.
Me why?
I said "that's ok honey, that's what the colon is for"!
The Semi colon. They're good at separating independent clauses.
She always corrects my grammar while having sex. I'll go "suck it good" and she'll reply "it's suck it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
She dumped me however...
She didn't like my improper use of the colon.
While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"
"I haven't got an erection," I said.
"No, but I have." he replied.
Example:
I ate Julie's sandwich.
I ate Julie's colon.
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.
Improper: Colon placement
km13e4yv9ReZNQSVKwx5G9xrGfpM1O
It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.
and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of rectal pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.
His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.
"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as poo."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
Me why?
But I think fiber makes a solid number two.
"So how's it go with that chick last night? She was an English teacher , right?"
"Yeah, she got dressed and left a few minutes after we got in bed"
"Shame. Why'd she do so?"
"I guess she didn't like my improper use of the colon."
With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.
"What do you mean, 'Punctuation Sex?" she
queried.
"It's where I put my semi in your colon ..."
I:: have::: colon: cancer::
Me Why?
I just wish they had told me you are supposed to eat them.
But she dumped me for improper use of the colon...
Apparently "Do you do birthday parties?" was the wrong answer.
Are you only left with a semi colon?
...but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.
Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.
To find it you had to hit these keys in this sequence on your keyboard it was "Enter" "Colon" "Pound, pound, pound"
Her: Really? Is he in a coma?
Me: No. A semi colon.
They both yell at me for misusing the colon.
She used to get really annoyed with my improper use of the colon.
(Gary Delaney)
It's what a colon does.
A Colon 1.
One sperm says to the other "Jeez, I'm tired! How long til we get to the egg?" The other sperm says, "It's going to be a while, we just got past the colon."
"Got awful grammar? Buy this colon!"
Now i only have a semicolon
I used to go out with an English Teacher but we eventually broke up because she disliked my improper use of the colon.
'I'm coming for Djibouti'
So far no effect, but it sure gave my colon a great idea.
The price is too steep!
She thinks she might be pregnant. After the examination, the doctor comes out to see her.
Doctor: *"Well, I hope you like changing diapers."*
Patient: *"Oh my god, are you serious? Am I pregnant?"*
Doctor: *"No, you've got colon cancer."*
All I'll have left is a ;
Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.
A man gets released from his first colonoscopy into the recovery room. His wife and doctor arrive bedside to discuss the results of his operation. Before the doctor can open his mouth, the wife says "Did you find his head?"
For example,
Jane ate her friend's sandwich
Becomes
Jane ate her friend's colon.
He wakes up in recovery where the surgeon explains that they were able to successfully remove the giant sex toy from his colon.
Remove it!?! I just came here to get the batteries changed.
For example,
I come in a car
I come in a colon
Because I'm gutless, spineless, and my brain and colon are interchangeable.
It was the colon. It was creating irritable vowel syndrome.
I just asked him to edit my essay; and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy; if he can figure that out from my writing.
...before anyone knows how to use the colon.
A colon
They were incorrect. Tomatoes are not poisonous and will eat them.
Because they both... did murder most foul.
He said "I've been dealing with assh-les all day."
you'll divide me.
...wasn't that bad. Once the sedatives wore off, I was surprised how little pain I was in. I just couldn't figure out how the doctor did it with both hands on my shoulders.
because I just lost my pants to a mudslide.
They both destroyed Africa.
I got fired for leaving out a colon
It has colon cancer.
There is an abundance of smg jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 68 funniest jokes and colon puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any rectum witze you can hear about colon.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.