The Best 32 Collision Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Collision jokes. There are some collision ambulances jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these collision wreckage puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Collision Jokes and Puns

2 cars had a head-on collision in Mexico today..

34 people died.

An admiral is sailing a ship...

and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"

The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."

Did you hear about the hearse that got into a head on collision?

Luckily only one person was found dead at the scene

Collision joke, Did you hear about the hearse that got into a head on collision?

A man has a car accident...

A man is talking with a policeman after he had a collision with a tree.

'Could you please tell me what exactly happened, sir?' asks the policeman.

'You see,' says the man, 'there was this squirrel that suddenly popped out of nowhere to cross the street.'

'But if it is truly necessary, can't you just run over the squirrel?'

'I know, but then the squirrel hid behind a tree.'

Did you hear the news about the collision between two black holes?

It's really making waves.


Two turtles had a collision at an intersection. .

The only witness was a snail. When interviewed by police the snail explained he didnt see anything as it all happened so fast.

In a collision, if one car is going twice as fast and the other weighs twice as much, who wins?

The mortician

Collision joke, In a collision, if one car is going twice as fast and the other weighs twice as much, who wins?

Oh no! An Xbox One and PS4 just had a head on collision...

CALL AN AMBULANCE! WiiU WiiU WiiU WiiU WiiU

What did the tectonic plate say when it had a collision?

It's not my fault.

Did you know that the two girls from Requiem for a Dream got boats and ended up getting into an accident with each other?

The collision was aft to aft.

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

You can explore collision collide reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean collision vehicle dad jokes. There are also collision puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Was that the sound of a head-on collision between two cars?

"Co-wrecked."

2 speeding cars got in a head-on collision in Mexico today. 33 people died.

Only Juan survived.

There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road

Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.

The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, "My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later."

The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, "Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine."

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.

He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."

The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degres west."

Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"

"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."

Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"

There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

How do car companies measure the impact of a collision

A crash test, dummy

Collision joke, How do car companies measure the impact of a collision

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

I was recently in a car accident

That collision felt like failure but I knew what it really was: bones .

A clown car got into a head-on collision with van at the U.S/Mexico border

There were over 100 fatalities


Friend: Did you hear? Two Norwegian ships had a mid sea collision

Me: Norway!

Drunk drivers are the safest drivers.

The chance of collision is low since everyone's trying to get away from them.

What did President Trump shout at Bob Mueller when the President's golf cart sideswiped Mueller's golf cart?

No Collision! No Collision!

There was a frozen ball of ice hurdling towards the earth.

Scientists had first guessed it was too small to do much damage.

Later, they reassessed and realized this collision would be on par with the impact that wiped out the dinosaurs.

It was an underrated comet.

I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"

I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."

Why is Trump's car insurance so cheap?

NO COLLISION.

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*YOU\* turn to the left to avoid a collision!"

The light flashes back "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Duckiiiiiies

Two philosophers sat chatting in a bar, when one posed a question to the other. Imagine to yourself there were two ducks; one that could not stop moving in a certain directions, and could not be stopped, and another which could not by any means move or be moved. Say they were on a collision course, what would occur?
The other philosopher sat and sipped at his drink before replying, I truly don't know... What a pair o' ducks!

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."

Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible explosion. He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping anus. I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"

A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.

The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.

The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.

The light signals back, I'm a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.

Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.

The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.

Two turtles were involved in a head-on collision, the police turtle asked a bystander turtle how the crash happened?

The bystander turtle said, I don't know, it all happened so fast.

Ugly Ones

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous.

God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the collision lifeboats jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working collision incident piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes