The Best 23 Collie Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Collie jokes. There are some collie pet jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these collie lassie puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Collie Jokes and Puns

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied



A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...

So he asked his border collie to count them from him.

The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer.

"So how many sheep do I have?" Asked the farmer.

"40" said the border collie.

"How can there be 40?" Asked the farmer. "I only bought 38."

The dog replies, "I rounded them up."

Collie joke, A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...

What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad?

A Melon Collie.

...I'll get my coat.

I've finally taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine.

He's a Bordeaux Collie



And yes, he paws it himself...


I want to get a border collie.

The one I have isn't bored enough.

What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.

Collie joke, What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A farmer wants to know...

A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, "How many?" The dog says, "40." The farmer is surprised and says, "How can there be 40 - I only bought 38!" The dog says, "I rounded them up."

My dog got a cantaloupe stuck on his head

Ever since then he's been a little melon collie.

I used to have a border collie...

...then my parents fed him too much and he became husky.

What was the name of that white girl's Collie who went on all those adventures in Ethiopia between 1930 and 1974?

Haley's Lassie

You can explore collie rottweiler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean collie bulldog dad jokes. There are also collie puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Hilarious Joke

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. My life is a mess, he says. My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I'm as jittery as a cat.

Why don't you go see a psychiatrist? suggests the collie.

I can't, says the poodle. I'm not allowed on the couch.

I just bought a border collie

The one I already had wasn't bored enough.

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.

Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

Poodle: My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I'm as nervous as a cat. Collie: Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?

Poodle: I can't. I'm not allowed on the couch.

Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.

Suddenly there is a loud noise from the sheep area.

Tom the border collie jumps up asking, "Did you hear that from the sheep, Boomer?"

Boomer the Collie: "Of course I herd them."

Collie joke, Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.

My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.

She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.

I got a new Collie!

He doesn't like being home alone, so I named my Collie Culkin

What's Donald Trump's favorite dog breed?

A close-the-border collie.


Blind man and cabbage

A blind man walks into a bar with a cabbage on a lead.

The bartender asks him why he has a cabbage on the lead, Cabbage? he replies... "oh god dammit... i got ripped off ... i was told it a collie!"

What kind of dog did the sad cantaloupe get?

A melon collie!

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.

The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."

"Fine then, you're in," said God.

The collie said, "I was always faithful to my master and brought the family together when they were down."

"Sounds wonderful," said God. "Welcome."

Then it was the cat's turn. "Why should we let you in?" asked God.

"Well actually, I think you're in my chair."

My labrador and my collie do everything together.

You could say that they're great at collaborating.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the collie labrador jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working collie dandelion piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes