Collie Jokes

Following is our collection of rottweiler puns and pet one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Collie jokes for adults, dirty bulldog jokes and clean lassie dad gags for kids.

The Best Collie Puns

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...

So he asked his border collie to count them from him.

The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer.

"So how many sheep do I have?" Asked the farmer.

"40" said the border collie.

"How can there be 40?" Asked the farmer. "I only bought 38."

The dog replies, "I rounded them up."

What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad?

A Melon Collie.




...I'll get my coat.

I want to get a border collie.

The one I have isn't bored enough.

What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.


A farmer wants to know...

A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, "How many?" The dog says, "40." The farmer is surprised and says, "How can there be 40 - I only bought 38!" The dog says, "I rounded them up."

My dog got a cantaloupe stuck on his head

Ever since then he's been a little melon collie.

I used to have a border collie...

...then my parents fed him too much and he became husky.

What was the name of that white girl's Collie who went on all those adventures in Ethiopia between 1930 and 1974?

Haley's Lassie

Hilarious Joke

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. My life is a mess, he says. My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I'm as jittery as a cat.

Why don't you go see a psychiatrist? suggests the collie.

I can't, says the poodle. I'm not allowed on the couch.

I just bought a border collie

The one I already had wasn't bored enough.


Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.

Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

Poodle: My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I'm as nervous as a cat. Collie: Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?

Poodle: I can't. I'm not allowed on the couch.

Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.

Suddenly there is a loud noise from the sheep area.

Tom the border collie jumps up asking, "Did you hear that from the sheep, Boomer?"

Boomer the Collie: "Of course I herd them."

My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.

She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.

I got a new Collie!

He doesn't like being home alone, so I named my Collie Culkin

What's Donald Trump's favorite dog breed?

A close-the-border collie.

Blind man and cabbage

A blind man walks into a bar with a cabbage on a lead.

The bartender asks him why he has a cabbage on the lead, Cabbage? he replies... "oh god dammit... i got ripped off ... i was told it a collie!"

What kind of dog did the sad cantaloupe get?

A melon collie!


My labrador and my collie do everything together.

You could say that they're great at collaborating.

There is an abundance of labrador jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 20 funniest jokes and collie puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any dandelion witze you can hear about collie.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes