Collided Jokes
48 collided jokes and hilarious collided puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about collided that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Collided Short Jokes
Short collided jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The collided humour may include short car collision jokes also.
- Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway, Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals
- Did you hear about the Mucinex truck that collided with a Nyquil truck on the highway? Amazingly, the entire area was congestion-free for over 8 hours.
- Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea. Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
- Did you hear about the Large Hadron Collider going down? They are gonna have to bring in a quantum mechanic.
- Why is it difficult to make fun of the Large Hadron Collider? Because it's hard to discern.
- There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea. One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.
They collide...
All the survivors were marooned. - After I stole the priceless statue and turned the corner, I collided into the female security guard's chest... ...It was a huge bust.
- Two atoms walk into a party at the Large Hadron Collider... It was full of nerds so they split.
- I just found out about this underground science ring It's called the Large Hadron Collider
- I read that the Large Magellanic Cloud is going to collide with the Milky Way in 2 billion years. Maybe the government shutdown will be over by then.
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Collided One Liners
Which collided one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with collided? I can suggest the ones about exploded and crashed car.
- What did the black holes say when they collided? Nothing, they just waved.
(Sorry) - A prison van and a cement truck collided Several hardened criminals escaped
- Why people are afraid of The Large Hadron Collider (LHC)? because it's Very conCERNing!
- If we could put bread in a particle collider... We could discover new quarks and glutons.
- What do two atoms argue in the hadron collider? Higg no rants
- How fast are the particles in the Large Hadron Collider going? Super cern-ic
- What do particle physicists like to drink? Pina colliders.
- Two bicyclists collided in India... Ten thousand people died.
- What would happen if the Large Hadron Collider broke down? Concerns
- What did one autonomous car say to the other when they collided? App yours!
- What happened when two hydrogen atoms collided? The doctor had to heal-ium.
- A Chuck Norris round house kick is considered the first "super-collider".
- What did Andromeda say when it collided with the Milky Way? Oh, starry!
- What's the only time KIAs can get in an accident? When Souls collide.
- Where do gay physicists work? The large hard-on collider.
Uproarious Collided Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about collided you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make collided pranks.
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.
A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"
"It's hard to say."
The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.
The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the physicist at the Hadron Collider get thrown in jail?
Because he was a mass m**...
Right before colliding with an iceberg...
The captain of the Titanic got ready to make an announcement:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Fun fact, this ship weighs about 52 thousand kilograms. I'm gonna let that sink in..."
A son was walking along side his father
While walking, the kid was looking at his phone and didn't notice a pole in front of him, which resulted with him colliding with the pole.
The father said, That was some a pole ing behavior and began to laugh at his own joke
The son, being slightly irritated, snapped back at the father saying, was that pun really necessary?
The father than replied with, well, you walked right into that one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when two well endowed astrophysicists have a gay sword fight?
A Large h**... Collider.
An airliner is in the middle of its flight when pilot is contacted by air control
"Delta 627, you need to reduce your altitude 5.000 feet." "What for?" is the pilot skeptical. "Noise avoidance." responds the controller. "Noise? What noise? We are at 35.000 feet, what noise could there be?" responds our pilot, now curious. So the air controller humours him: "Have you ever heard how much noise two airliners make when they collide?"
Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.
They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"
It replys "I'm positive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would happen if Uranus collided with earth?
It would be a pain in the a**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when Jeff Bezo's Rocket and Richard Branson's Rocket collide?
Branson's rocket is no longer a v**......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I heard they built a gayporn production facility on the CERN-compound...
Apparently it's called the "Large h**... Collider".
While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.
Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
LHC (Large Hadron Collider)
When LHC discovered Higgs Boson, it literally became deus ex machina.
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man stand around a piece of fruit.
When asked what the fruit is, the philosopher says We can never know what this piece of fruit truly is. We assume, through wisdom, that the form of the fruit is closest to our perceptions of the fruit .
The physicist states: Truly there is no fruit. The fruit is simply the interaction of fundamental forces and unseeable particles colliding through time until the fruit is formed .
The Common Man replies: It's an apple.
A doctor and a lawyer met with an accident....
A doctor and a lawyer in 2 cars collide on a country road.
The lawyer seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helps him from the car and offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts and has a couple of generous sips and hands it back to the lawyer, who closes it and puts it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asks the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave."
Chuck Norris once went skydiving without a parachute...
The place where he collided with the earth is now known as the Marriana's trench.
Nuclear Physicist Bartender
How did Nuclear Physicist mix drinks at his party?
With a Piña Collider.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do dyslexic gay men keep going to Switzerland?
To see the large h**... collider
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that Geneva has the biggest meeting place for Homosexual scientists in the world.
It's called the "Large h**... Collider"
