Collide Jokes

Following is our collection of uppercut puns and accidents one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Collide jokes for adults, dirty giraffes jokes and clean encounter dad gags for kids.

The Best Collide Puns

There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea.

One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.

They collide...

All the survivors were marooned.

Two turtles collide in an intersection.

When the police come, they look around to see if there are any witnesses, they only see a snail on the sidewalk. The police approach the snail and ask him if he could tell them what he saw. To which the snail replied, "well, it happened so fast..."

A nun is doing her rounds around town. . .

. . .when she turns the corner near a bar, only to collide with a mean-looking, stumbling drunk. The drunk flies into a rage, and punches her in the face. He then kicks her square in the gut, and begins to brutally pummel her head and face as she doubles over.

Within a minute, she is reduced to a quivering, sobbing mess on the sidewalk. The drunk spits on the nun, and sneers.

"Yeah. . .not so fuckin' tough NOW, eh Batman?"

A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean......

Both crews were marooned

I read that the Large Magellanic Cloud is going to collide with the Milky Way in 2 billion years.

Maybe the government shutdown will be over by then.


A doctor and a lawyer met with an accident....

A doctor and a lawyer in 2 cars collide on a country road.
The lawyer seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helps him from the car and offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts and has a couple of generous sips and hands it back to the lawyer, who closes it and puts it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asks the doctor.

"Sure, after the police leave."

-Two atoms walking down the street

Two atoms walking down the street happen to collide into one another. The first one exclaims, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!" 
"Are you sure?" says the second atom. 
"Yes, I'm positive!"

What do you call it when 4 giraffes collide?

A giraffic jam!

My wife asked me "If you had a loaded gun, and you saw 2 busses that were going to collide and you could save one by shooting the driver of the other (killing everyone aboard) one bus loaded with children, the other loaded with my parents and relatives, who would you save?"

I told her "That's a loaded question"

What sound does it make when a water truck and a vinnegar truck collide?

Douche

There is 2 boats

One is filled with red paint

The other is filled with blue paint

They collide

What happens to the survivors?

They are marooned


If two tanker trucks collide at an intersection, ones scarring water, the other is carrying vinegar, what sound do they make?

DOUCHE!!!!!

There is an abundance of collision jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 12 funniest jokes and collide puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any collider witze you can hear about collide.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes