College Jokes

Funniest College Short Jokes

Short college jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The college humour may include short academic jokes also.

1. I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me. 13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.
2. I wish my college was run by EA At least I'd get a sense of pride and accomplishment for my money
3. Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
4. I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything... It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
5. I really wish some of the fantasies in 50 shades of grey were real... like how she got a job right out of college.
6. What did chuck norris tell his father when he left for college? You're the man of the house now
7. There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.
8. I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections \*Professor grading my test\*
   Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.
9. So this guy at college keeps calling me a flamingo one of these days I'm going to put my foot down.
10. When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying

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College One Liners

Which college one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with college? I can suggest the ones about students university and club.

1. What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time? College
2. Why didn't the bear go to college? Because bears don't go to college.
3. The sun doesn't need to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.
4. What was spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
5. 42% of strippers are working their way through college According to the latest pole
6. I like my coffee how I like my men. I don't like coffee. Kidding, I liked it in college.
7. Why did lebron james skip college? He didn't want to show up for finals.
8. Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's.
9. What is the average grade of a pirate in college? High C's
10. Where do college age vampires shop? Forever 21
11. Karl Marx College is a total scam there aren't even any classes!
12. I had a Muslim friend in college who was always running late. We called him 9/12.
13. I've decided on my college major! Agriculture. I've heard it's a very large field.
14. Why did the dyslexic engineer fail college? Because he didn't understand psychics.
15. What did the music thief do in college? Take notes.

College Student Jokes

Here is a list of funny college student jokes and even better college student puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.
• Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."
• What do you call a college student who joined the paratroopers to pay off his student loans? Debt from above.
• Dad says, "College students are more interested in women today than ever before.." A lot of them are in a program where they study a broad
• After years of hard work after college, I finally paid back my student loans. I wish I can post this in a different sub.
• What criminal offense do college students commit the least? Resisting a rest.
• I feel bad for current college students... Back when I was in school, our national health emergency was caused by drinking Four Lokos.
• A group of vaping college students is called a smog. A group of vaping middle school students is called down to the principal's office.
• As a broke college student, do you know what the best vehicle to have is? A scholarSHIP.
  I'm sorry.
• Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common... They all follow the path of least resistance

College Professor Jokes

Here is a list of funny college professor jokes and even better college professor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
• College Professors are like dora The Explorer They ask a question, stares at the class for a few seconds, and then gives the answer.
• This doctor is so lucky An E.N.T. Professor retired from college. In the farewell college faculty
  gifted him a silver ear.
  Thanking the faculty the professor said: Thank god I am not a gynecologist.
• Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
• Why are colleges starting to teach quantum computing? When professors try to explain binary states, the students tell them to go educate themselves.
• Tommy Wiseau was my favorite college professor He always gave me hai marks
• My college professor talked about double negatives today He said that you could use a double positive to describe something, but never a double negative.
  Yeah, right.
• My right-wing sister accused me of getting indoctrinated by my college professors for my left-wing ideologies. I tell her "You're just jealous because I actually *finished* college."
• What do CAPTCHAs and college professors have in common? They both generate and grade tests they themselves cannot pass. Enjoy midterm week!
• College professors around the world are protesting people using a precise word meaning exactly for emphasis, and throwing garbage at the floor. It's called the litter-raly

School College Jokes

Here is a list of funny school college jokes and even better school college puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Where do galaxies go to college? University!
  Happy 1st day back to school to many of you :)
• I met my girlfriend in primary school. I can't wait til she goes to college.
• I knew a guy who said he didn't marry his high school sweetheart until after he finished college. I asked him, "How come?"
  He said, "Well, duh. I was working on my bachelor's degree."
• In my first year of college, I had 5 times the number of girlfriends that I had in my four years of high school. 5 x 0 = 0
• Most guys experiment with homosexuality in college... I experimented in Sunday School
• As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls." I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
• I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.
• Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
• What did the asian college student say to his old elementary school teacher? Long time no C
• The difference between a high school pothead vs. a college pothead Is realizing to get the food before smoking week rather than after

College Finals Jokes

Here is a list of funny college finals jokes and even better college finals puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I finally got a smart dishwasher.... My wife finished college.
• Donald Trump is an inspiration to all new College graduates. He is in the final interview rounds of a job he has zero experience for.
• A high schooler walks into an SAT, a college student walks into a final,
  and a law student walks into a bar.
• I Finally Chose a College Major... Me: Dad, I think I want to go to college for botany.
  Dad: Are you sure? What made you interested in that?
  Me: Well it is a growing field.
• I am surprised to see my college degree finally has some public utility Maskcommunication
• I'm stoked to have my final college test of the semester tomorrow! Wish me merry Xams!
• A student is finally done with college and finds a job.
• Ajit Patel finally makes it to college...
• College football joke Ohio State deserved to be in the final 4 of the college football playoff?? Must be joking.
  At least UW was able to put 7 on the board against Alabama.
• Why did LeBron never attend college? Because he always fails the finals

College Football Jokes

Here is a list of funny college football jokes and even better college football puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• how many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but they'll give 'em four credits for it.
• Why is Alabama college football so strong? Because they are all one big family
• If college football created a bowl game called the "Hyperbole," which two teams would be selected to play in it? The two greatest teams in the history of the known universe.
• I lost my college football scholarship in the very first game this weekend, for pulling a groin. Not mine, someone else's.
• Anybody a fan of college football? I heard the Miami Hurricanes are looking strong this year.
• At college football games, there's advertisements everywhere. Companies love presenting moments of the game. Though it was ironic seeing Planned Parenthood presenting the "Delivery of the Game."
• What college football date usually comes in April? The one who buys her a drink.
• Which college football team keeps people awake at night? The long horns
• Nick Saban walks into a bar... to watch the College Football Championship

Comical College Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about college you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean student jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make college pranks.