College Exam Jokes
29 college exam jokes and hilarious college exam puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about college exam that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest College Exam Short Jokes
Short college exam jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The college exam humour may include short school exam jokes also.
- If I had 50 cents for every math exam I failed in college... I would be up to about $6.30 now.
- I was thrown out of college for cheating on a metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the guy sitting next to me.
- My electronegativity class in college was such a blow off class! I got an F on all my exams for the class, but I still managed to maintain a 4.0 GPA.
- Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam? He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics.
- A group of college boys just completed their exam. Lets do something crazy, something that we did not do before the exam! , said one. Said another: Well said, lets do some revision... :p
- Multivariate calculus is to be put on all college entrance exams under Trump's new education plan. Trump wants to make America gradient again.
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College Exam One Liners
Which college exam one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with college exam? I can suggest the ones about exams and english exam.
- I have my end semester exam tomorrow The joke is that I couldn't get into college
- Where did the hippo study for it's college exams? On the Hippocampus.
College Exam Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about college exam you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean final exam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make college exam pranks.
A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"
A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.
They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.
The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?
A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.
She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
The Final Exam
The weekend before their big history final, four college buddies decided to go to St. Louis to party with friends. However, after partying all night, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Springfield until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking their history final then, they decided to find their professor after it was over and explain to her why they had missed it.
They had gone to St. Louis for the weekend, they told her, and had planned to come back in time for the test, but on the way back, they'd taken a short cut down a dirt road and had had a flat tire. They didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and as a result they missed the final.
The Professor thought about it awhile and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated. They studied together that evening and, the next morning, arrived for the test. The professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem. It asked:
"(For 5 points) On what date was the Declaration of Independence ratified?"
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each in his separate room. "This test is going to be a breeze."
Each wrote July 4, 1776 and then turned the page.
On the second page was written:
"(For 95 points): Which tire?"
The entrance exam for medical college had just one question
if a young woman faints ,the first thing you need to do is to feel her PU_S_ .
Those who answered PULSE , passed and the rest are reading this joke
Advice for final exams
A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Wish me luck, I have end of term exams tomorrow," she tells the bartender. "Good luck," the bartender says. "Are you all prepared?" "I've done everything I can think of to prepare. I even texted my ex last night," she says. "I asked him if he had any good cheating tips."
Request
I don't know if i can post this here but i need to pass my math exam and my teacher passes everyone who writes a joke to make him laugh. I need the best math jokes.
Anyway here's a joke:
What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A middle school math problem!
And what do you gett if you search for your ex and don't know why?
A college math problem!
A teacher at a college reminded her pupils of the next day's final exam...
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' she said.
A smart-arsed kid at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and s**....
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'
Old habits are hard to break.
A woman gynecologist decides she wants to become a mechanic. She enrolls in a technical college and becomes an A student.
Before she can graduate she must pass the final exam, which is dismantling a car engine & rebuilding correctly. When she receives the results of her exam she sees the instructor gave her 150 points. Fearing there must be some error she goes to ask her instructor.
"If 100 is a perfect score, how is it I scored 50 points over?"
The instructor explains, "Well you scored 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly."
"And 50 points for putting it all back together correctly."
"You got the extra 50 points for doing all of it through the muffler!"
Four college students decide to get drunk the night before their final exam.
They get so drunk they wake up late and completely miss their final. The four students go to their professor, and explain this elaborate lie that when they were on their way to the final that their car the tire went flat. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
On the day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at
his watch, and says you may begin the test .
The four boys open their final booklet and to their surprise they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?
Four college students decide to get drunk before their final exam.
Four college students decide to get drunk the night before their final exam. They get so drunk they wake up late and completely miss their final. The four students go to their professor, and explain this elaborate lie that when they were on their way to the final that their car tire went flat. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the make up test the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test .
The four boys open their final booklet and to their surprise they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?
A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a f**....
"No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another f**....
"You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it."
"I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied.
By now I the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?"
"I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town."
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and s**....
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
I remembered this joke while studying for exams.
God and st peter decide to do their rounds around a college campus. While looking around the dorms, they see a group of students earnestly studying for their final exams the next day. God looks at St Peter and tells him to fail each one of them. St. Peter is a little bewildered, but he dares not doubt the judgement of God. Moments later, they pass by a dorm full of drunk students, partying before their final the next day. God takes a look at them and says "Make sure these students all get an A+ tomorrow". St Peter cannot sit quietly anymore and finally asks why.
"Why?!" God shouts at St Peter, "These students clearly have faith in me!"
Obstetrician career change
An Obstetrician decides that he's sick of his job and opts to become a car mechanic. For the next several months he attends night classes at his local technical college to gain his certification. A few months before the end of the curriculum, the entire class is informed that there will be a final individual exam that will constitute the majority of their grade and determine their certification status.
The day of the exam arrives and the obstetrician walks into the examination room to find three instructors and a car waiting for him. His task is to disassemble the engine, then reassemble it in the given time limit. The obstetrician does his best, though fears that he may have made a few mistakes.
A few weeks later he gets his results back and discovers he was awarded 150 points out of 100 on the test! He immediately rushes to his professor's office and asks about his score. The professor gives him a long look, then says,
"Well, the first 50 points you received were for correctly disassembling the engine, the next 50 points were for reassembling it, and we gave you 50 points of extra credit for doing it all through the muffler."
Career Change
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skill-ful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes,
attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist
prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had
obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"
"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You then put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust, which I've never seen done in my entire career".
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-a**... student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, **'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'**
(If you guys started putting punchlines in bold I'd love ya forever)