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College Degree Jokes

68 college degree jokes and hilarious college degree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about college degree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest College Degree Short Jokes

Short college degree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The college degree humour may include short bachelor degree jokes also.

  1. I just finished a college degree in Philosophy. Now I'm qualified to ask WHY you want fries with that.
  2. I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree... I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.
  3. My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there
  4. I knew a guy who said he didn't marry his high school sweetheart until after he finished college. I asked him, "How come?"
    He said, "Well, duh. I was working on my bachelor's degree."
  5. Did you hear about the circle that graduated college Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees
  6. College Degree Forget everything you've learned in college, you wont need it here.
    I didn't go to college.
    Oh sorry you're not qualified for the job
  7. At the men's bathroom of the local college... ... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti:
    "Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."
  8. I am going to major in Women's Studies when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask "Do you want fries with that?" then proceed to compain that my degree matters.
  9. How can you tell that an ice cube didn't graduate from college in the US? Because it has 0 degrees.
    Also because it uses the Celsius scale.
  10. What's the difference between a college dropout and a college graduate? One has a job an the other has a degree!

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College Degree One Liners

Which college degree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with college degree? I can suggest the ones about bachelors degree and doctorate degree.

  1. The sun doesn't need to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.
  2. Why doesn't the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
  3. Why didn't the Sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!
  4. Why didn't the sun go to college It already had a million degrees
  5. I can't remember what I majored in at college. I skipped classes to some degree.
  6. Why did the spider go to college? To get his degree in web design!
  7. What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer? journalism!
  8. Why didn't the sun go to college? He already had 28 billion degrees.
  9. What kind of degrees do slaves get in college? Their Master's.
  10. Why did Johann Sebastian only go to college for 2 years? He only needed an elor's degree.
  11. I am surprised to see my college degree finally has some public utility Maskcommunication
  12. Why did the circle go to college? To get 360 degrees
  13. Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had 10 thousand degrees.
  14. What do you call a test tube with a college degree? a graduated cylinder
  15. Brain cells fry at how many degrees? Just 1: your college degree.

College Degree Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about college degree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean college educated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make college degree pranks.

It's been getting bad out there. College grads are unemployed and can't get work. I saw a college grad selling their MA degree on eBay.

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.
They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.
“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

Why did the s**... go to college?

To pick up his master's degree.

The officer and the speeding Harley

Officer stops a Harley for speeding so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer just walks away...

How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?

If it ends up on your wall, you're probably r**....

A man with amazing sideburns

A man has amazing side burns and decides that he wants to go to college for sideburn grooming. He dedicates his whole life to this purpose, getting his bachelor's, master's, and doctorate's degrees after many years. In other words, he has third degree burns.

So a man goes to college...

and gets an English degree

Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan?

#Because his *degree* didn't work!

How to get a PhD in Music

In some colleges of music, part of the doctoral requirement is to compose an original full length symphony. Because modern music sounds so weird, a good ploy is to take a well-known classical symphony, write it backwards and submit it as an original work. One student took the daring step of taking his professor's doctoral symphony and reversing it. The student failed to receive his degree. The examiners remarked, "You just reproduced Sibelius' Fourth Symphony with not a single note changed!"

I like to tell people my wife was top of her class until she learned about drugs in college.

She got her degree in pharmacy and was in the top 5 in her graduating class.

A homeless man is sitting in a bar

After a few drinks he begins speaking to a young lady. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree.
Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?"
The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology and a French Minor. I think it's my felon status that prevents me from getting a job"
Intrigued, the young lady asks, "What landed you in jail?"
Taking a sip from his drink, the homeless man answers "The French minor."

I went to college for 10 years but nobody will hire me

A 4-year degree isn't what it used to be

Why don't counterfeiters need a college degree?

They already make a lot of money.

j**... is that you?

said Tom.
j**... - "Oh my god, Tom! I haven't seen you since college!"
Tom - "Yea it's been a while, how are things?"
j**... - "Not bad, I think I've done pretty well for myself. I ended up finishing that Bachelor's of Fine Arts and spend my time painting. I love it, wouldn't give it up for the world! How bout you? You end up finishing your degree?"
Tom - "Yep, Software Engineering. I make a pretty comfortable living and it's rewarding work. I can't believe it, it's been so long. It was great catching up with you."
j**... - "It was, it was. Just one last question."
Tom - "Shoot."
j**... - "Would you like fries or onion rings with your burger?"
Tom - "Fries."

What do you get when you give a black guy a college degree and a suit?

A President.

"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college!"

"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college! How are you?"
"I'm doing well, I got that philosophy degree."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks. Hey, do you want fries with that?

What do you call a snickerdoodle with a college degree?

A smart cookie.

Why does an l**... person go to college?

To get a degree and earn mormoney

Does anyone know a college where I can get a degree in fishing?

I just want to see if I can get credits applied for all my time master baiting.

Why did the unmarried man go to college ?

To get his bachelor's degree

Degree

I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.
The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!
Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.
She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.
Credit to u/Princess_Kookie

My housewife wanted to go back to college

At first I was skeptical, but eventually I agreed to a degree

Stan Bates went to college to get his 8 year degree.

He's now Master Bates.

What did Kelvin say to his son Celsius after he broke his 273 college degrees?

You have hit Absolute Zero, son...

I met a h**... once who tried to quit it all and go to college to get an accounting degree but didn't get accepted into university.

But it's the thot that counts.

American School System

5th grade: You better learn cursive, because in middle school; all your work will be done in cursive!
6th grade: Just write print it's easier to read
Highschool: You better learn these core classes because they'll be required to know before college!
College: You have to retake and pay for these Core Classes for your Degree

Physics Teacher's Story

Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.

Simple joke.

Why did the s**... go to college?
To go and get his master's degree.