Collector Jokes
79 collector jokes and hilarious collector puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about collector that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Jokes about stamp collectors, debt collectors, garbage collectors and more! Laugh along with Londoners as they share jokes about collecting and the power of possession. For the avid collector, these jokes are a must-read.
Quick Jump To
- Short Collector Jokes
- Collector One Liners
- Art Collector Jokes
- Stamp Collector Jokes
- Tax Collector Jokes
- Debt Collector Jokes
- More Collector Jokes
Funniest Collector Short Jokes
Short collector jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The collector humour may include short collection jokes also.
- You know there's no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along
- I'm so good with managing money I got a letter from a debt collector saying 'outstanding payment'
- I don't understand why my credit score is so low. Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.
- I wasn't offered any training for my new job as a trash collector, but I'm not worried. I'll just pick it up as I go.
- I have just applied for a job as a litter collector. They asked if I had any relevant experience but I said I will just pick it up as I go along.
- What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]
- Did you hear about the refuse collector in pakistan who died after carrying too much rubbish? He was Bin Laden.
- For any collectors out there, I saw an ad in the paper for a WWII French Rifle The ad read in good condition. Never fired. Dropped once.
- The widow next door just got married for the eighth time. Every single wonderful husband has had the same first name. Can you guess what that name is?
.
.
.
.
.
.
William. She's a Bill collector. - Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race? Because they're not garbage collectors.
Share These Collector Jokes With Friends
Collector One Liners
Which collector one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with collector? I can suggest the ones about keeper and dealer.
- I used to be a rubbish collector. Now I'm pretty good.
- I hate people who can't let go of the past Debt collectors are the worst
- I can't stand people who can't let go of the past Debt collectors are the worst.
- What do a tupperware collector and an eskimo have in common? They both like a tight seal
- There is definitely something wrong with comic book collectors... They have issues, man.
- I feel sorry for comic book collectors. They have so many issues
- There's no official training for garbage collectors. They just pick things up as they go.
- You don't need any training to be a garbage collector You just pick it up as you go
- Why did the bill collector go after the gymnast? Because he had outstanding balance
- What did the policeman say to the missing waste collector? Where you bin man?
- What kind of car does a Star Wars memorabilia collector drive? a Toy-Yoda
- Did you hear about the bill collector who became a gymnast? She had outstanding balance.
- My relationship with a comic book collector didn't turn out well They had a lot of issues
- Debt collector are so persistent they never leave you a loan
- What do comic book collectors use in their hair? Mint conditioner.
Art Collector Jokes
Here is a list of funny art collector jokes and even better art collector puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A prominent art collector quits the Cabinet immediately after his confirmation He had stumbled into the wrong auction
- What did the classical art museum acquisitions director say to the arts benefactor and collector of early Renaissance paintings? S3ND NUD3S
- I'm a traveling art collector, but not doing so well... I'm always in need of Monet to buy Degas to make the van Gogh.
- Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings? He wanted more Monet in his wallet.
- People often talk about how h**... was a failed artist… But they rarely give him credit for being a great art collector.
Stamp Collector Jokes
Here is a list of funny stamp collector jokes and even better stamp collector puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamp.
- What did the homeless stamp collector's mother always tell him? "Philately will get you nowhere!"
Tax Collector Jokes
Here is a list of funny tax collector jokes and even better tax collector puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How Jesus able to change Peter from a tax collector to an apostle? Peter was non-prophet.
- What did Cleopatra say when her Tax Collector kept some of the taxes for himself? Egypt me.
- Simple Fact of Life A tax collector has what it takes to take what you have.
- A tax collector dies and goes to heaven
Debt Collector Jokes
Here is a list of funny debt collector jokes and even better debt collector puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bill collector tells me my debt is outstanding I thank him for noticing how much hard work I put into collecting them.
- What is the meaning of life for a debt collector who hunts grape farmers? Raisin debt
- What do you call debt collector that goes after drug dealers? A w**... wacker.
Hilarious Fun Collector Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about collector you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drawer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make collector pranks.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"
A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"
Why do record collectors have bad s**... lives?
They're always complaining about the 10" they don't have.
A rubbish collector knocks on the door of a house that didn't leave their bin outside and an Asian man answers the door
>"Excuse me mate, where's ya bin?"
>"I bin Hong Kong!"
>"No where's ya wheelie bin?"
>"I wheelie bin Hong Kong!"
Sorry it's an old joke I heard as a kid!
Do you know why numismatists love Obama?
Because they love collecting small change! (Coin collectors)
I'll see myself out!
An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?
Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.
A picture worth millions
A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""
I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today...
I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.
A wealthy art collector got a call from his lawyer...
Lawyer: I have good news and bad news.
Art Collector: I've had a bad day, so lets start with the good news.
Lawyer: Well, your wife has invested a couple hundred dollars in a a few pictures that she expects to get a couple million for.
Art Collector: That's great! What's the bad news?
Lawyer: Well, the pictures are of you and your secretary.
What is the difference between a Star Wars action-figure collector who smokes e-cigarettes and a Catholic Priest?
One is a toy-loving vapist, and the other...
A homeless and one million dollars
(to a homeless)
\--What will you do if you are given one million dollars?
\--Oh, I will pay the collectors.
\--And the rest?
\--And the rest of the collectors will have to wait.
A Strange Career Choice...
A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants
to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.
To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar
The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.
Rabbi the Collector
I knew a Rabbi who kept all of the foreskins he removed. He had them tanned, then made into a wallet.
It's very impressive.
If you s**... it, it turns into a suitcase.
What kind of training do you need to become a garbage collector
none,you just pick it up as you go along
There was a Russian man who was a collector of supernatural oddities.
An American man heard about him, and decided to try his luck at making a quick buck. He arranged a meeting, and presented a thin gauzy cloth to the man.
"This may look like cloth, but it is actually 100%, genuine ghost skin."
The Russian man leaned in, carefully examining the cloth, and running his finger lightly across it. He then turned and looked the American square in the eyes.
"I call boo sheet."
An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
My friend ask me,"Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.
My friend says "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
A collector of rare books ran into a friend who told him he had just thrown out an old Bible that he had found in a dusty old box.
The collector's friend mentioned that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed the Bible.
"You don't mean Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!"
"You fool! You've thrown out one of the first books ever printed! A copy was recently auctioned off for hundreds of thousands of dollars!"
"Oh, I doubt this book would be worth even nearly as much. Some dude named Martin Luther scribbled all over the margins."
What do you give at an egg collector's f**...?
An oology
