The Best 46 Collector Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Collector jokes. There are some collector curator jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these collector oligarch puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Collector Jokes and Puns
My friend is an avid collector of models of famous boats. He just called up the nice lady at the local hobby shop and she was able to find him a small model of the Concordia cruise ship, but she only had the one.
She said she'd put it 'aside' for him
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka, and *pretend* the train is running!"
Did you hear about the refuse collector in Pakistan who died after carrying too much rubbish?
He was Bin Laden.
A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"
What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]
Spam this call collector!!!
I'm a traveling art collector, but not doing so well...
I'm always in need of Monet to buy Degas to make the van Gogh.
A rubbish collector knocks on the door of a house that didn't leave their bin outside and an Asian man answers the door
>"Excuse me mate, where's ya bin?"
>"I bin Hong Kong!"
>"No where's ya wheelie bin?"
>"I wheelie bin Hong Kong!"
Sorry it's an old joke I heard as a kid!
Solar powered watch free to collector
This is not a wind up.
Why do programmers produce more garbage than others ?
Because they (some of them) don't have a garbage collector.
An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?
Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.
You can explore collector avid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean collector garbage collector dad jokes. There are also collector puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Debt collector are so persistent
they never leave you a loan
Bill collector tells me my debt is outstanding
I thank him for noticing how much hard work I put into collecting them.
Simple Fact of Life
A tax collector has what it takes to take what you have.
What did the magazine collector say to the psychiatrist?
"Doc, I got issues."
I used to be a rubbish collector.
Now I'm pretty good.
A picture worth millions
A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."
A prominent art collector quits the Cabinet immediately after his confirmation
He had stumbled into the wrong auction
A coin collector was depressed...
He hadn't had a good quarter in ages.
What do you call an Irish stamp collector?
Michael Philately
My friend is a watch collector. Always wearing at least 6 watches at once.
He has way too much time on his hands
Did you hear about the bill collector who became a gymnast?
She had outstanding balance.
What did the policeman say to the missing waste collector?
Where you bin man?
Why did the bill collector go after the gymnast?
Because he had outstanding balance
What did Cleopatra say when her Tax Collector kept some of the taxes for himself?
Egypt me.
How Jesus able to change Peter from a tax collector to an apostle?
Peter was non-prophet.
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""
What is the meaning of life for a debt collector who hunts grape farmers?
Raisin debt
"I lost my job as a rubbish collector."
"Come on," my friend said. "Spill the beans?"
"Not exactly," I replied. "But I was caught stealing from one of them."
My relationship with a comic book collector didn't turn out well
They had a lot of issues
A wealthy art collector got a call from his lawyer...
Lawyer: I have good news and bad news.
Art Collector: I've had a bad day, so lets start with the good news.
Lawyer: Well, your wife has invested a couple hundred dollars in a a few pictures that she expects to get a couple million for.
Art Collector: That's great! What's the bad news?
Lawyer: Well, the pictures are of you and your secretary.
I remember seeing a garbage collector joke on here
But it was just a throwaway joke
I have just applied for a job as a litter collector.
They asked if I had any relevant experience but I said I will just pick it up as I go along.
What is the difference between a Star Wars action-figure collector who smokes e-cigarettes and a Catholic Priest?
One is a toy-loving vapist, and the other...
A Strange Career Choice...
A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants
to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.
To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
What did the classical art museum acquisitions director say to the arts benefactor and collector of early Renaissance paintings?
S3ND NUD3S
The paranoid coin collector
Why was the coin collector paranoid
All his pennies were Lincoln(linking) up
What do you call debt collector that goes after drug dealers?
A weed wacker.
People often talk about how Hitler was a failed artist…
But they rarely give him credit for being a great art collector.
A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar
The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.
Rabbi the Collector
I knew a Rabbi who kept all of the foreskins he removed. He had them tanned, then made into a wallet.
It's very impressive.
If you stroke it, it turns into a suitcase.
What kind of training do you need to become a garbage collector
none,you just pick it up as you go along
There was a Russian man who was a collector of supernatural oddities.
An American man heard about him, and decided to try his luck at making a quick buck. He arranged a meeting, and presented a thin gauzy cloth to the man.
"This may look like cloth, but it is actually 100%, genuine ghost skin."
The Russian man leaned in, carefully examining the cloth, and running his finger lightly across it. He then turned and looked the American square in the eyes.
"I call boo sheet."
An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
You don't need any training to be a garbage collector
You just pick it up as you go
What do a tupperware collector and an eskimo have in common?
They both like a tight seal
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the collector hoarder jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working collector cardboard piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.