Collection Plate Jokes
8 collection plate jokes and hilarious collection plate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about collection plate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Collection Plate Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good collection plate joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
At church one Sunday, a teenager made a contribution to the collection plate by dropping in a coin from his pocket.
As he passed the plate along, someone behind him tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a $20 note. Impressed by the person's generosity, the teenager added the $20 to the collection plate.
But then he received another tap on his shoulder and heard a whisper, "Son, that was your $20. It fell out of your pocket."
My church decided to modernize and replace the collection plate with a digital platform
Called Papal.
I asked my pastor why all the bibles in his church had reprinted the second gospel in an extra-large font.
God told him the easier Marks, the larger the collection plate...
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with the money from the collection plate.
The priest says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God; whatever lands outside the circle, he keeps.
The minister explains that he has a very similar method: He draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands outside the circle he gives to God, whereas whatever lands inside the circle he keeps.
I, too, have a system, the rabbi says. I throw the money up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi are discussing how they use the money in their collection plates...
The minister says: "I draw a circle on the ground and throw the money in the air and whatever lands inside the circle I keep for myself and whatever lands outside I give to the Lord."
The priest says: "I have a similar process but when I draw my circle and throw my money I keep whatever lands outside the circle and give what lands inside to the Lord."
The rabbi says: " I throw the money in the air and whatever God wants, he takes!"
The Vet
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the
next week!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"
The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very
successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The woman answered proudly,
"In Nevada... He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
A gay man goes to church.
So a wealthy gay man living up life in the big city decides it's time for some quiet living. He moves to a small rural community where he hopes to make some friends and enjoy the clean country air. Figuring the best way to meet the neighbors was at the local church, he decides to attend services and get to know his neighbors. The church was a quaint little white building made entirely of wood. He felt out of place in a brand new Armani suit while everyone else was wearing suits that were at least a decade old from the look of them, and most likely handed down. During the service, he was moved by the preachers retelling of the prodigal son returned, and realized that the community he was now living in was more than just rural but poor as well. When the collection plate started to come around, he was amazed that only a few bills and some change were in it by the time it got to him. He silently took out his bill fold which had over a thousand dollars and put it all in the basket. When the basket was returned, up front, the pastor saw the huge bill fold and then cried out, "Will the person who made such a great donation please rise and select three hymns?" The gay man jumped up, pointed at three strapping young men and said, "I'll take him, him, and him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate.
So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch.
Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too.
Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week.
Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each.
The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch.
"S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.
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