Colleague Jokes
92 colleague jokes and hilarious colleague puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about colleague that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Does your colleague's leaving leave you feeling blue? Connect with your pal on a neural level with these funny jokes, tributes, and class camaraderie from shared work experiences. Celebrate the good times you all shared with laughter and find ways to truly honor your cohort.
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Funniest Colleague Short Jokes
Short colleague jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The colleague humour may include short coworker jokes also.
- Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes. But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.
- My colleagues call me The Computer . Nothing to do with my intelligence. I just go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
- A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals. Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.
- So there I was hard at work Then all of a sudden my boss tells me to step out of the meeting because I was making my colleagues uncomfortable
- Last night my black colleague....... Last night my black colleague walked away with the 'Employee of the year' award.
Luckily security stopped him at the door. - On three occasions now this week a colleague has approached me and said I'm worried about what's going on with you . What's weirder is they think my name is crane .
- "Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
- My colleague can no longer attend next week's seminar on innuendo... Now I have to fill her slot...
- I think my doctor really likes my choice of sensible footwear… I overheard him telling his colleague that I had, "Serious healthy shoes."
- I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?
Share These Colleague Jokes With Friends
Colleague One Liners
Which colleague one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with colleague? I can suggest the ones about co worker and classmate.
- I asked my Spanish colleague if he could include me on an email He replied, CC
- Colleague from work has just texted saying he's caught Covid from his cat. Don't ask meow
- What do you call a new butcher being introduced to his colleagues? A meat and greet
- My colleague was fired for stealing printer cartridges He was caught magenta handed.
- What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues? Underlay! Underlay!
- What did the electrician say to his depressed colleague? Keep soldering on!
- I'm Rich with a capital R! But my colleagues know me by my legal name, Richard.
- My new colleague is called Justin Time... And I'm not punny.
- What does a obsessed Math professor say to his colleague? NOTICE ME!!!! Sine π
- What did the perverted scientist say to his colleague? If you need me, I'll be in my Lab.
Work Colleague Jokes
Here is a list of funny work colleague jokes and even better work colleague puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced... I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.
- A woman in work was fired for having intimate relations with a colleague. We don't know who fingered her
- A Topologist comes into work covered in coffee. His colleague says "Oh no! Did you spill your donut?"
- So a work colleague told me that Prince died and they found his body in a lift. Well, he was obviously coming down with something.
- This one's true. A work colleague of mine told me she went to Bangkok on her honeymoon. I replied, I know you did, but where did you go?
- My work colleagues and I had a debate about who we thought America's most notorious assassin was. Lee Harvey Oswald won by a long shot.
- A work colleague asked me how my emails are always so eloquently written. I have a secret weapon — a tiny insect that proofreads my work. It's a spelling bee.
- My work colleague asked me Why do you keep a picture of your wife on your desk if you hate her so much?
I replied, In case I'm tempted to take a day off. - I have a lift off a colleague to work everyday, and always feel ill when we go under bridges.... I think I must have carpool tunnel syndrome.
- A colleague was let go today...... ....after he updated his online status from 'Working Remotely' to 'Remotely Working'
Silly & Ridiculous Colleague Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about colleague you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fellow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make colleague pranks.
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
An American travels on business to Japan for the first time, and decides to pick up a h**...
When he was diddling her, she kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!" The guy figured this was a term for something great.
The next day, he went golfing with his Japanese client and colleagues, and he got a hole-in-one. He wanted to impress his Japanese friends, so he yelled out, "Fujifoo!!!"
The Japanese speaking folks looked confused, and one of them finally said, "No, you got the right hole."
Tech Support
USER: I can't get on the Internet.
SUPPORT: Are you sure you used the right password?
USER: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
SUPPORT: Can you tell me what the password was?
USER: Five dots.
A great cardiologist is being buried.
All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a f**... and he responds "I was picturing my f**... because I'm a gynecologist".
Emergency Services
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of...
...a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already."
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf
There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"
What did the scientist say after attacking his colleague with sodium chloride?
That's a salt!
You know, Nikola Tesla was famous for changing his mind.
In fact, when his colleagues would ask his opinion on a subject he would often just reply, "Oh, I don't know. My thoughts on the matter are alternating currently."
An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"
The man says, "I should have taken the money."
An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...
...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"
A lawyer walks into a bar.
Says "Hey can I get two beers. One for me one for my colleague who is right behind me. He must have gotten lost."
A minute later the other lawyer walks in and says "Sorry, I passed the bar!"
A Russian judge walks out of has chambers laughing his head off.
A colleague approaches him and asks him why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well go ahead and tell me," says the second judge. "I can't - I just gave someone ten years for it!"
2 Original depressed baker jokes
Did you hear about the depressed baker who threw himself into his own oven?
Colleagues said it was a final act of self-loafing.
Did you hear about the depressed baker who went on a killing spree?
Witnesses said he came out all buns glazing.
A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink...
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.
His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"
And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."
Two explorers are exploring the Arctic
After some walking, they come across an igloo.
The first explorer turns to his colleague and says, An ice house!
The second replies, A nice house, indeed!
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
Wisdom, Beauty, or Money
At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears and tells the head of the Physics department, I will grant you whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty—or ten million dollars.
Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.
There is a ash of lightning, and the professor appears transformed, but he just sits there, staring down at the table. One of his colleagues whispers, Say something.
The professor says, I should have taken the money.
Remain Calm :)
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line
A weird man with a weird condition
The man was never very good at anything.
He had no talents apart from his ability to notice things when he was drunk.
He decided to become a detective.
On his first day he came across a dead body , but he could not make head or tail of the situation.
So he proceeded to ask his colleague , Here's the dead body. Where's tequila ?
I'm sat at my desk repeating "I'm gonna stick my pen in your eye, I'm gonna stick my pen in your eye." I'm saying it quietly, though.
I don't want my colleagues to find out I have a pen chant for violence.
I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...
"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."
Golden Toilet
Two colleagues, Elon and Felix, meet after work and Felix is all excited: "Man, I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude's house who had toilet made of gold!"
"You're kidding!".
"Nope" said Felix as he took Elon to the house.
They rang the doorbell and a middle-aged lady opens and Felix asks,"Can we see the toilet made of gold?"
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells inside the house, "Roger, the pig that s**... in your t**... is here!"
Black eyes
A guy arrives at work with two black eyes. His colleagues quite naturally asked what happened. He explained, I was in an elevator with a gal in front of me that had her skirt rucked up in her crack. So I pulled it out and patted her skirt smooth for her. She then turned around and socked me in my right eye. So then they asked, how'd your left eye get black? Well I could tell that she didn't like what I did so I reach out and tucked it back in!
My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.
I said, Don't cry over skilled m**....
I wanted something from my colleague so I asked him - How busy are you today?
He replied As busy as a cucumber in a women's prison !
An anesthesiologist asks his colleague, "Man I borrow some chloroform?"
"Knock yourself out."
A single father needed breast milk for his infant baby and so he asked others how he could get it.
A colleague of his who was lactating offered to give her milk to the baby.
She became his breast friend.
Monday morning in the office, a man notices that his colleague is very sad.
At breakfast, he approaches him:What's wrong? You look really beat today.
Don't ask, I had the worst weekend you could imagine.
What happened?
I was visiting an old friend that I haven't seen in years and the family caught me sniffing his sister's underwear.
Okay, that's not nice, but no need to get all misty.
Well, she was still wearing them.
Oh, that's even worse.
Yeah, it ruined her whole f**....
Sorry, no native english speaker, but i guess you get the point.
Pandemic fun
CUSTOMER: why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you?
SHOP ASSISTANT: that's the supervisor.
A mathematician arrives at work on a bike
His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"
"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's n**... and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."
"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".
A doctor received a call from his colleague.
"We need a fourth to join us for a game of golf," said his friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting his pants on, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," he answered gravely. "In fact, they are three doctors there already."
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''
A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant
The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.
What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?
The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?
A man is asked by his colleagues why he never goes on their annual bungee-jumping trips.
He says, "A broken rubber brought me into this world. I'm not letting one take me out of it."
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
3 Docs needed…
A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY..
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"
"Oh yes, quite", said the doctor gravely. Shaking his head, he muttered "Only18 years old. 3 doctors are there already..!"
A worker was stopped by a cop at the gates of a winery
Cop: "Sorry the winery is closed today due to an ongoing investigation. Please go home."
Worker: "What happened?"
Cop: "One of your colleagues fell into a wine tank and ended up drowning."
Worker: "Oh my God. That is terrible."
Cop: "It appears he died doing what he loved doing."
Worker: "How can you say that! Everyone hates working here!"
Cop: "Well, the CCTV footage showed him getting out of the tank five times to take a p**...."
Two ex-colleagues meet up
Him: Do you have any children?
Her: Yes, one, it's almost two
Him: Well I know how much one is
A politician was arrested at his office and found guilty of cannibalism
One of his colleagues had called the police on him after spotting him eating a ham sandwich
Black eye!
A guy shows up at work on Monday with a black eye and his colleague asks what happened.
He says "I was in church and when we stood up the skirt on the lady in front of me was tucked between her b**... cheeks so I pulled it out and she turned around and hit me."
The following Monday he shows up at work with another black eye and his colleague says "Did you do the same thing again?"
"Definitely not," he says "I was behind the same woman in church and when we stood up I knew her skirt was not the way she likes it so I used my hand to shove it back in between her b**... cheeks"
A colleague offered to document my workweek using Microsoft Excel, but I said h**... no.
I don't want anyone to spreadsheet about me.
As Steven Weinberg was finishing the presentation of his contributions to the Standard Model, a colleague asks:
"This work is incredible. Do you understand the gravity of what you've done?"
Weinberg: "No, weren't you listening? That's the only force we don't understand."
(I'm sorry for this terrible and obscure joke, feel free to downvote.)
A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife
"We need a 4th for poker"
"I'll be right over" says the doctor.
"Is it serious?" His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat.
"Oh yes.. there are 3 other doctors there already."
An astronaut makes coffee
It's an astronaut's first day on the ISS and he's making himself a cup of coffee. He says to a colleague:
"Huh I can't find the milk"
And the other astronaut replies:
"In space no one can, here, use cream"
In a brewery, the ceiling is getting painted
One of the painters falls into a barrel with 1000 liters of beer and drowns. His boss then goes to the colleague's wife to report the death. "Did my husband suffer much?" "I don't think so, he went out to take a p**... three times."
At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.
The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage
I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion
I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.
But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .
A friend of mine worked at a production line for a toy factory, producing Dracula dolls. Shortly before Halloween, demand was high, but he only had one colleague.
So he had to make every second Count.
An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.
The Devil made him an offer. I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends. The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, But what's the catch?
First attempt at writing a joke!
I started a new job this week.
On my first day it was my co-worker Frank's birthday; we gathered around his desk to sing happy birthday and share a cake.
Just as we finished singing the office door slammed open.
In strides a creature: upper body of a man, lower body of a horse. He screams LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY and proceeds to grab Frank's cake and gallop out of the office with it.
I was dumbfounded but my new colleagues just rolled their eyes: "oh thats just Bill" they said "always the Centaur of attention."
A man bets his boss 5000$...
that he (the boss) has a pimple on his ass.
"No way!" - says the boss and accepts the bet.
He opens his ass to show to the man. The man says: "It's too dark here, move to the window so I can see better". The boss moves to the window. "Ok, you were right, there is no pimple on your ass". He gives the boss 5000$.
"But why would you do that?", asked the boss, bewildered.
"Yesterday I have bet your colleagues 10000$ that today at exactly 3 o'clock they would see your ass through your office window"
