Collar Jokes

Following is our collection of sleeves puns and underneath one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Collar jokes for adults, dirty choker jokes and clean waistcoat dad gags for kids.

The Best Collar Puns

A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...

after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.

"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.

"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"

What's the difference between a priest and his dog?

One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.

How do dogs always know who is barking?

They have collar ID

A man walks into a bar...

Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.

What do all dogs get with their phones?

Collar ID


How do you know if your dog is calling you?

Check his collar ID.

A man enters a golfing tournament...

... but he is terrible at golf. However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course. He says to the man,
"I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry."
The man agrees.

After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name.
The man says:

"Father Smith" as he adjusts his priest's collar.

(A priest joke with 100% less pedophilia!)

Breakfast

An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come stumbling in here at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

A priest was invited to attend a house party

.Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."

A woman walks into the dry cleaners...

Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?

Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.

Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?

Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.

Clerk: Come again?

Woman: No, it's mustard this time.

What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth?

Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue.


How do you know a shirt has phoned you?

Collar ID

A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch

As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."

The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."

Late one night, Norm answered the doorbell to find a 6 foot tall cockroach standing on the step.

The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off.

The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined.

Ah, yes, the doctor said when Norm explained what happened. There's a nasty bug going around.

What do you call a blue collar prostitute?

A jack off all trades.

MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent.

Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home.

I'm very successful but I have my humble upbringing to thank

For example my father was just a blue collar road worker...but he really paved the way

How do dogs know that their owner is calling them?

Collar ID

Smart criminals

Dumb criminals commit violent crimes that don't pay too well.

Smart criminals commit white collar crimes.

Really smart criminals become politicians.


The last time I played tackle football without pads l broke three ribs and a collar bone.

Fortunately, none of them were mine.

"Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star."

So I netflix and aim for the girl's collar bones.

Once a boy leaned to pick up something lying on the floor holding his collars stuck to his chest

Father: Son why are you holding your collar?

Son: Once Miss Hannah forgot to hold up her collar and both her lungs came out and dropped down.

Please give me an advice...

Our kid found a collar and a leash in our bedroom. How to explain to him that we are not buying him a dog?

What do you call a black priest?

A man of collar.

Did you hear about the cop who nearly arrested a horse thief?

He missed the collar.

My family looks down upon me ever since I became a washerman.

I don't quite understand; it's a white collar job!

I like to keep my collar popped.

I ain't no collar back girl.

What do dogs and cell phones have in common?

They both have collar ID.

Any crime can be a white collar crime...

If you're dressed for it.

Blonde joke

A blonde goes to the doctor. She uses her right index finger, says it hurts when I touch my leg, my collar bone and my arm. "What's wrong?" She says.

"Your finger is broken."

Dave and Ronnie noticed no one else was wearing a collar

Then they realized, they were in a stray bar.

I figured out how to discipline my kid without spanking

Electric dog collar

What do you call a hobo with a popped collar

A Hobro

You may see white collar and blue collar workers in the work place.

But I'm collar-blind.

~(Taken from the office).

Blue Collar Work

Where does the blue collar chicken work?


The Eggplant.

My girlfriend stormed into the room.

"Why is there lipstick on your collar?" she yelled.

"It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."

Hitler, after finishing breakfast, runs into his war room....

He grabs the General he was having breakfast with by the collar and screams "I asked you to pass the juice, not gas the Jews!"

What did the collard green do when his favorite song came on the radio?

He got turnip

I've found that a lot of people these days have a negative bias towards blue collar work

Just the other day I went to a bar and said that I was a miner and they refused to serve me

"Mom, do you think I'm ugly?"

She turned around and grabbed me by the collar if my shirt, "I told you not to call me mom in public!!!"

I just got out of a BDSM relationship, and it's been tough...

...I'm really fighting the urge to collar.

If you can't tell the difference between a blue collar job and a white collar job

Are you color blind or collar blind?

I hope this country is as soft on white collar crime as I have heard.

Because I just murdered a priest.

My Sun is a Gas Giant.

My Sol just keeps getting hotter and hotter under the collar.

I was helping Animal Control round up a stray dog today, and was hoping to get credit for the catch.

But he got the collar.

There is an abundance of shoo jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 45 funniest jokes and collar puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any suspenders witze you can hear about collar.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes