Collar Jokes
72 collar jokes and hilarious collar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about collar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for funny blue collar and white collar jokes? Then this article is just the thing! Read on to find out what a blue collar and white collar joke alongside overalls and sleeves looks like. Don't miss out on the chuckles!
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Funniest Collar Short Jokes
Short collar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The collar humour may include short collie jokes also.
- I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.
- What's the difference between a priest and his dog? One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.
- What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth? Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue.
- Some people give me strange looks when I put little dress shirts on my salads. What can I say? I really like collared greens.
- I like my women like I like my dress shirts.... White, collared, and wrapped around my body.
- What is the difference between blue collars and white collars? Blue collars wash their hands BEFORE going to toilet, and white collars - afterwards.
- I do not discriminate between white-collar and blue-collar workers Because I am collar-blind.
- So I dated a furry once I didnt know he was a furry at the time.
After a while, he showed me his true collars - I don't have tags for my dog, but I bought her a phone in case she got lost. She ran away today. I really should collar.
Also, Lost: Seeing Eye Dog
Last Seen: Never - MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home.
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Collar One Liners
Which collar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with collar? I can suggest the ones about leash and collie dog.
- How do dogs always know who is barking? They have collar ID
- What do all dogs get with their phones? Collar ID
- How do you know if your dog is calling you? Check his collar ID.
- Why didn't the dog answer his phone? It was ringing with no collar ID.
- What do you call a working class vegetable? A blue collared green.
- How do you know a shirt has phoned you? Collar ID
- what do you call a person who cant differentiate a t-shirt from a polo collar-blind
- Why do dogs have collars and cats don't? Because no one likes cat collars.
- How do dogs know that their owner is calling them? Collar ID
- What's it called when a priest is always late? Collared people's time
- What do you call a green polo shirt? Collared greens
- What do you call vegetables that get arrested? Collared Greens.
- Four blue-collar crotchets go into a bar... ...and have a common time.
- Did you hear about the cop who nearly arrested a horse thief? He missed the collar.
- I figured out how to discipline my kid without spanking Electric dog collar
White Collar Jokes
Here is a list of funny white collar jokes and even better white collar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Smart criminals Dumb criminals commit violent crimes that don't pay too well.
Smart criminals commit white collar crimes.
Really smart criminals become politicians. - My family looks down upon me ever since I became a washerman. I don't quite understand; it's a white collar job!
- Any crime can be a white collar crime... If you're dressed for it.
Blue Collar Jokes
Here is a list of funny blue collar jokes and even better blue collar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm very successful but I have my humble upbringing to thank For example my father was just a blue collar road worker...but he really paved the way
- Blue Collar Work Where does the blue collar chicken work?
The eggplant. - I've found that a lot of people these days have a negative bias towards blue collar work Just the other day I went to a bar and said that I was a miner and they refused to serve me
Collar Bone Jokes
Here is a list of funny collar bone jokes and even better collar bone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The last time I played tackle football without pads l broke three ribs and a collar bone. Fortunately, none of them were mine.
- "Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star." So I netflix and aim for the girl's collar bones.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Collar Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about collar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean necklace jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make collar pranks.
What do dogs and cell phones have in common?
They both have collar ID.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A construction worker and his dog
A construction worker brings his dog to work every day, and at noon tucks a 5 dollar bill under the dog's collar. The dog t**... off to the local bar, where the bartender takes the fiver and gives the dog a sandwich in a paper bag which the dog brings back to the work site for his owner.
One day, the man only has a 20, but figures that the bartender will be honest. An hour goes by, and he stomps angrily over to the bar where he confronts his dog who is sitting on a stool drinking a beer and eating a sandwich.
"I never had change before" says the dog.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little boy and a priest
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a c**..., and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar."
Fathers
An old man from a far off land was once on the subway in New York and he sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar. Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered "I wear this collar because I am a Father". The old man thought a second and responded "Sir I am also a father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute and said "Sir, I am the father of many".
The old man quickly answered, "I too am the father of many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?"
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people."
The old man from the far-away country was taken aback and was silent for a long time. As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards."
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch
As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."
The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
What did the collard green do when his favorite song came on the radio?
He got turnip
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**..., after finishing breakfast, runs into his war room....
He grabs the General he was having breakfast with by the collar and screams "I asked you to pass the juice, not gas the Jews!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man enters a golfing tournament...
... but he is terrible at golf. However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course. He says to the man,
"I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry."
The man agrees.
After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name.
The man says:
"Father Smith" as he adjusts his priest's collar.
(A priest joke with 100% less p**...!)
I was helping Animal Control round up a stray dog today, and was hoping to get credit for the catch.
But he got the collar.
My girlfriend stormed into the room.
"Why is there lipstick on your collar?" she yelled.
"It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."
I like to keep my collar popped.
I ain't no collar back girl.
What do you call a hobo with a popped collar
A Hobro
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar...
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, just don't start anything."
I have views on my hot neighbour but she's a cat person.
And this morning, my dog came with the cat in its mouth, dead of course.
I was horrified and realised I had to fix this if I ever want to hit her.
So I went to all the kennels in the shire to find the exact same cat.
Finally found it and put the dead cat's collar on it. Send it back to her garden and then ran away.
Ten minutes later, heard a big scream, she was unconscious on the lawn.
I rushed to wake her up and asked what happened, worried she would have spot that the cat was different. She replied, out of breath:
I found my cat dead this morning, my dad came and we buried it. And now I find it back to life!
My Sun is a Gas Giant.
My Sol just keeps getting hotter and hotter under the collar.
Dave and Ronnie noticed no one else was wearing a collar
Then they realized, they were in a stray bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Late one night, Norm answered the doorbell to find a 6 foot tall cockroach standing on the step.
The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off.
The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined.
Ah, yes, the doctor said when Norm explained what happened. There's a n**... bug going around.
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
I bought reflective tape to put on my dogs collar...
Don't want to be responsible for a flat tire...
Dress Code
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a blue collar p**...?
A j**... all trades.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got out of a b**... relationship, and it's been tough...
...I'm really fighting the urge to collar.
Please give me an advice...
Our kid found a collar and a leash in our bedroom. how to explain to him that we are not buying him a dog?
A priest was invited to attend a house party
.Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.
A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.
When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"
The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once a boy leaned to pick up something lying on the floor holding his collars stuck to his chest
Father: Son why are you holding your collar?
Son: Once Miss Hannah forgot to hold up her collar and both her lungs came out and dropped down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man runs into a pub all out of breath and asks at the first table:
"Guys, who's got a b**... fat dog with a white collar?"
Nobody raises their hand.
"Oh, s**..., so I ran over the vicar."
