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Collapsed Jokes

72 collapsed jokes and hilarious collapsed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about collapsed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the similarities between collapsed lung jokes and physical collapse, from the physical implications of a fall to the psychological implications of a coronary. Learn how to find humor in the face of a life-altering event.

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Funniest Collapsed Short Jokes

Short collapsed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The collapsed humour may include short vanished jokes also.

  1. I asked my mum "How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.
    Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
  2. I went to a bar last night and I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
    I said "Wow, great legs."
    She giggled and said "Really?"
    I said "Yea, most tables would've collapsed by now."
  3. A man collapses in a busy street. Someome from the crowd shouts "Somebody call him an ambulance!"
    Suddenly, another voice calls out "You're an ambulance!"
  4. My boss just called me to tell me I'm responsible for the collapse of another bank. I said What? How can that be possible. I don't even work in finance. I'm a builder
  5. Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'mafia' concrete..... ....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.
  6. What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common? Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.
  7. I walked in a pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on the table I said:nice legs
    And she said:You really think so?
    I said: Yes, other tables would have collapsed by now
  8. I was at the airport today and saw a man collapse on the luggage carousel. He slowly came around.
  9. A fish walks into a bar. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "Gin? Whiskey?
    "Water," the fish says, and collapses
    ----
    ^this ^is ^what ^you ^get ^when ^jokes ^are ^OC
  10. If ever society collapses and we resort to cannibalism... Vegans meat will be the most expensive because they're grass fed.

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Collapsed One Liners

Which collapsed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with collapsed? I can suggest the ones about descending and failed.

  1. I recently took a poll and found out 100% of campers were angry when their tent collapsed
  2. How do you make a house of cards collapse? Just give it time and Spacey
  3. 3 reddit mods walk in a bar. The bar collapses
  4. What did the engineer say to the bridge after it had collapsed? I trussed you.
  5. The French baker's pastry shop collapsed on him He was in a lot of pain.
  6. My cheap laminated countertop just collapsed I suppose I always took it for granite.
  7. What Saudi funded event ended in a massive collapse on 9/11? Hillary Clinton's campaign.
  8. Why was no one able to go to the dock anymore It collapsed because of Pier pressure
  9. My house collapsed, but fortunately no casualties We were all in the living room
  10. Why are the banks collapsing? Because they don't know how to account for their problems.
  11. I recently took a pole I found that 100% of people were angry when the tent collapsed
  12. Californians hate walls so much... They cried until the Oroville dam collapsed.
  13. I once heard a joke about a collapsing bridge still can't get over it
  14. What do you call it when a sewer collapses on itself? Sewercide
  15. How did the sea-wall collapse? It cracked under pier pressure.
    ...

Danced Collapsed Jokes

Here is a list of funny danced collapsed jokes and even better danced collapsed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Fat g**... a table I went to bar , and there was a fat girl dancing on the tables
    " nice legs" I said
    " you think so?" She replied
    " Sure,most tables would have collapsed by now!"

Collapsed Lung Jokes

Here is a list of funny collapsed lung jokes and even better collapsed lung puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • SO happy to announce my mother has tested negative for COVID-19... Doctor said the breathing issues are only pulmonary fibrosis, a collapsed lung, and stage 4 cancer. Phew!
Collapsed joke, SO happy to announce my mother has tested negative for COVID-19...

Collapsed joke, SO happy to announce my mother has tested negative for COVID-19...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about collapsed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of collapsed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Collapsed Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about collapsed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean contained jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make collapsed prank.

Two hunters

Two hunters were out walking in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses and falls to the ground. The other hunter calls 911 and says "Help! My friend collapsed and died! What can I do?". The 911-operator replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, let's make sure he's really dead". There's a silence and then a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says "Ok, now what?"

Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[

Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".

A zookeeper walks into a pub with an elephant

and orders two beers. After a few hours and a few more drinks, the elephant collapses drunk on the floor. As the zookeeper stumbles for the door, the bartender calls after him, "Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' here!" The zookeeper slurs, "That's not a lion; it's an elephant."

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar...

He orders a beer for himself, and one for the giraffe too. They each have 5 beers, and after they finish the fifth one, the man says to the giraffe, "c'mon, it's time to go."
But the giraffe was too drunk to walk out, so it just collapses on the bar floor, and the man begins to walk out regardless. The barman notices this, and shouts:
"Hey, what's that lyin' on the floor?!" to which the man replied:
"That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

How to be insulting

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

quick historical Russian joke from early 90's

Quick context - Soviet Union just collapsed and Moscow streets are full of desperate people trying to some money to survive. A dialogue between street meat vendor (V), and a potential customer (C):
***
C: Was this meat barking or meowing?
V: It was asking s**... questions.

Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5

Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day came. He went to the audition room and started to play, but no sound would come out. The o**... was broken. The judge immediately arranged for another o**.... As Billy began to play, the o**... also creaked and then ceased to make a sound. The judge arranged for yet another o**... for Billy, but that one broke down as well. The judge suddenly collapsed to the ground.
At the hospital, the doctors pronounced the judge dead and performed an autopsy.
"The cause of death appears to be multiple o**... failure."

Two hunters are in the woods...

Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"

A joke most likely to get me banned by Ellen Pao

So, a man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
The flattered woman replies, "You really think so?"
The guy says, "Oh of course! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A man walks into a bar and sees a plus sized stripper dancing on a table..

He tells her, "Nice legs!"
"Wow, you really think so?"
"Definitely," he replies, "most tables would have collapsed for sure."

Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...

When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.
It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.
The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.
After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.
The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."

Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911

"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
#BANG
"Ok, now what?"

A woman collapsed on the street

Her husband, luckily, was able to catch her in time.
"Is anyone here a doctor!?" The husband shouted with sheer panic in his tone.
A man barreled through the onlooking crowd, knocking a few of them over to join the husband and wife.
"I'm a vegan!" The man said.

In a shelter for abused women.

My husband used to beat me on regular basis. Sometimes, he would get his drinking mates and they would stand one after another to beat me. But one day I said to myself: get a grip woman, enough is enough. So when my husband and his mates collapsed drunk, I run away to this shelter. After 6 months I feel much better. The thing I like the most about this place is that there is no punchline.

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

A man goes to the Doctor

*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before

The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival...

Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.

When it comes to women, I'm usually denser than a collapsed star.

Sometimes I even achieve singularity.

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.
"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.
"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.
"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.
"Fine, give me 1 second"
*Gunshot fired*
"Ok, what now?" the man asks.

An entire industry has just collapsed

v**... coconut oil is no more a thing.

Two men are walking in the woods...

...all of a sudden, one of them collapses. The other man dials 911 and says, "Help! I think my friend is dead!" The operator responds, "Sir, calm down. First of all, we need to make sure he is dead." There is a minute of silence and a loud thud before the man responds, "Okay, now what?"

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table...

I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Quality assurance engineer walks into a bar...

He orders 1 beer.
Then he orders 2 beers.
Then he orders 9999999 beers.
Then he orders -1 beer.
Then he orders a dragon.
Then he asks to buy a jdhdjsbeh
Another customer walks in, asks where the bathroom is. The bar collapses and kills everyone inside

"Herr General, the Italians have entered the war"

said the Wehrmacht commander's subordinate.
"Really?" his boss sighed. "Send half a division to stop them."
"Nein, herr General." replied his subordinate; "they are entering on our side."
Upon hearing it, the General collapses onto the table, crying; "Send two armies to help them!"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"

Two men are hunting in the woods...

Andy and Ed are off hunting on a hot summer's day, when all of a sudden Ed collapses, seizing and foaming at the mouth. Andy panics and instantly whips out his phone to call 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" Andy frantically yells into the phone.
"Ok, calm down sir. Let's take this one step at a time. First, let's make sure he's actually dead."
There's a silence, then two shots are heard. Back on the phone, Andy says, "Ok, now what?"

Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.
Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.
Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.
500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.

A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
The nurse sits down at the bar and says, "I'll have a b**... Mary!"
The doctor sits next to her and says, "Give me a r**... and coke!"
The anti-vaxver says, "No shots for me."
She then collapses and dies from polio.

Hunting gone wrong

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?

Nice legs..

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A software tester walks into a bar.

He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.
A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building collapses

A doctor wanted to release 3 mad people from the hospital. He asked the 1st mad man: 2+2 = ?

He replied: 3,700
You are really mad, the doctor said.
The second mad man replied: 2+2 = Wednesday.
You are not far from death, the doctor said.
The third mad man answered, 2+2 = 4.
BRAVOOO! How did u get the answer?
The doctor asked.
He replied, "I divided 3,700 by Wednesday. "
The doctor collapsed.

Two old jews are talking in Odessa.

-What's the news?
-Have you not heard? There is a war!
-who is fighting?
-Russia says it is at war with NATO.
-How's is it going?
-70,000 Russians are dead, they have lost thousands of tanks, used up most of their missiles, and their economy is collapsing.
-and NATO?
-NATO hasn't shown up yet.
Cr

Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help.

"Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped!" says the Minister.
"No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight".

Did you hear about the time Jim Morrison and 2 of his band-mates collapsed on stage?

Then they sounded just like 3 Doors Down.

Collapsed joke, Did you hear about the time Jim Morrison and 2 of his band-mates collapsed on stage?

jokes about collapsed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these collapsed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.