The Best 5 Coldblooded Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Coldblooded jokes. There are some coldblooded lizard jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these coldblooded monkey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Coldblooded Jokes and Puns

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when

a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?

Two of my favorite quotes were said by cold-blooded killers

"See you later" - Alligator

"After while" - Crocodile

Two men are talking in a Louisiana bar.

One says to the other, "I had the strangest encounter last night. An alligator crept into my room, climbed into my bed next to me, and just stayed there all night hissing away."

"Weren't you scared at all?", said the other man.

The first man replies, "Well I guess because of the fact I was married to a cold-blooded reptile for 20 years, it didn't really bother me that much."

Who's worse a graverobber or a necrophiliac?

One cold-bloodedly gets engagement rings from the deceased, and the other gets diseases from their engagement with cold-blooded rings.


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the coldblooded ruthless jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working coldblooded sees piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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