Cold Shoulder Jokes
44 cold shoulder jokes and hilarious cold shoulder puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cold shoulder that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cold Shoulder Short Jokes
Short cold shoulder jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cold shoulder humour may include short cold jokes also.
- I went to the cannibal restaurant the other night and the waitress gave me the cold shoulder. It came with rice and a salad.
- The youngest daughter of a cannibalistic family was late to dinner She got the cold shoulder
- I found my ex girlfriend's dead body at the morgue I work at She's still giving me the cold shoulder.
- What did the Cannibals Anonymous group say to Dave when he showed up an hour late to their weekly meeting? Nothing. They just gave him the cold shoulder.
- What happened when the cannibal showed up to the buffet late? They gave him the cold shoulder.
- Something to chew over The cannibal was late to the luncheon, so they gave him the cold shoulder.
- My ice-sculpting instructor and I had a great relationship until he gave me the cold shoulder.
- What do you get when an ice-cream truck breaks down on the side of the road? A cold shoulder.
- Gunther the cannibal was pretty late to his cannibal family reunion... ...they gave him the cold shoulder...
- I don't think my new air conditioner likes me very much It keeps giving me the cold shoulder
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Cold Shoulder One Liners
Which cold shoulder one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cold shoulder? I can suggest the ones about cold feet and cold outside.
- What did the cannibal get when he was late to the dinner party? The cold shoulder.
- What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to dinner? A cold shoulder.
- I was late to the cannibal party So they gave me the cold shoulder
- My butcher is very rude I asked him for a cut of pork and he gave me the cold shoulder
- What happened to the cannibal that turned up late? He got the cold shoulder!
- Recent fashion trends... certainly have given women the cold shoulder, haven't they?
- Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?. It gave him the cold shoulder.
- My girlfriend keeps pulling my blankets away So I gave her the cold shoulder
- Don't show up late to the meat carving You might get the cold shoulder
- What did the snowman give his girlfriend for Christmas? The cold shoulder.
- What do you say when someone gives you the cold shoulder? Icy.
Cold Shoulder Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cold shoulder you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean winter cold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cold shoulder pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Etiquette for beginners
[adapted from a scene in the film Carry on Cruising]
A steward on a cruise ship is hesitating outside a door to a cabin with a p**... of coffee on a tray. The chief purser doing his rounds sees him and asks him what he's doing.
"Well sir, it's like this", the steward begins, "I'm completely new to this job and I'm a little worried as to what to do if I find passengers in a *delicate* state in their cabin, you see?"
The purser smiles and puts his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Ah", he says, "you just need to learn how to deal with such situations with a bit of dignity and blindness. I once knew a steward who walked in on a beautiful young woman completely n**... in the shower. Well, he just put the tray down on the side, said 'Excuse me, sir' and left without missing a beat. Do you see?"
The steward thinks for a moment and smiles "Yes, yes! That's very good that! I'll remember that!"
"Well, what are you waiting for then?" says the purser pointing out the still closed cabin door. "Get on with it, before that coffee gets cold"
The steward takes a deep breath, puffs out his chest, knocks and opens the door. Inside, he finds a newly wed couple on their honeymoon, in bed and very passionately engrossed in each other, and they clearly haven't noticed his arrival.
He hesitates before remembering what the purser told him, and decides to interrupt: "Hello there, which of you two fellahs takes sugar then?"
REQUEST: Racist "White" jokes, please.
I know DOZENS of Racist Jokes. But only a couple (not very good) Racist White Jokes.
For example:
Did you hear about the 2 house fire in Mexico?
Thousands died.
Why do Mexican's drive low-riders?
So they can pick strawberries from their car.
A man walks into a Bar with a Parrot on his shoulder.
The Bartender says: "Wow, that's awesome! Where can I get one?"
The Parrot Replies: "Africa! There's millions of them!"
Seriously though: I love Black People.
I think everyone should own one.
How do Asians name their children?
They throw their pots and pans in their air and record the sounds:
Ping Bang Pow.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss.
The only "White Joke" I know is:
White people are born purple.
Then turn pink.
When they're mad, they're red.
When they're sick they're green.
When they're scared they're yellow.
When they're cold they're blue.
And have the nerve to call everyone else colored.
So: Does anyone have any "White Jokes" for me?
Jokes so Bad that They're Funny
The midget psychic broke out of prison. He was a small medium at large.
A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.
Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy.
I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.
Here's a poem by a dog (Bo Burnham): Roses are grey, violets are another shade of grey, let's go chase cars.
The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder.
(I'll see myself out.)
Snowman puns to celebrate the snowstorm in my area
What do vampires get when they bite snowmen?
"Frostbite"
What is a snowman's favorite cereal?
"Snowflakes"
Why didn't the snowman answer the question?
"He didn't snow the answer"
What does a snowman like to ride?
"An icicle"
How can you tell a snowman is angry at you?
"You get the cold shoulder... or an icy stare"
The cannibal husband is hungry...
...and asks his wife what they have in the fridge.
She didn't answer, just gave him the cold shoulder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
f**... homes are a great place to hit on women.
No matter how many times you punch them, they will never complain about it.
Or: They might give you the cold shoulder at first, but if you keep at it, they'll eventually warm up to you.
Or: Because of recent trauma in their lives, they are very receptive to having s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My w**... dog gave me the cold shoulder for months before it finally started to show a little warmth and love.
I guess that's what the breeder meant when he said she was a daschshundere.
I was freezing out in the middle of the woods when I stumbled upon a mean-looking hunter sat by a campfire...
He was roasting his fresh kill feet first and the smell had me salivating for a bit of that tasty grub.
He gave me a dirty look and made it clear he didn't want to share any.
I begged him for a bite to help me warm up but he just gave me the cold shoulder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You might be a necropheliac if...
Shout out to Jeff Foxworthy for the inspiration. Here we go.
You might be a necropheliac if...
Your version of tinder is the local obituaries.
You have detailed knowledge of the security setup of every f**... home and cemetery in your city.
The contents of your trunk include a shovel, a flashlight, and a dozen roses.
You have been notified in writing that your repeated applications to work at the county morgue will not result in an interview.
Your nicest clothes smell of Cologne, formaldehyde and shame.
And finally...
All of your dates give you the cold shoulder, and you absolutely love it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just because a cannibal is late for dinner...
...Doesnt mean he only deserves a cold shoulder
After days of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, Larry finally confronted her.
"Admit it," he said. "The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me a million dollars."
"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left the money with you."
A guy walks into a liquor store and ask for a case of Heineken.
The gal behind the counter replies, "Sorry. We're out of Heineken."
The guy shrugs his shoulders and says, "Fine. Make it Rolling Rock."
The woman replies, "Sorry, but the only cold beer we have in stock is Budweiser."
The man says, "Nope. No way. Last time I drank a case of Bud, I ended up getting sick and blowing chunks."
The cashier replies, "You drink a case of any beer you're gonna get sick!"
The man retorts, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."