Cold Front Jokes
23 cold front jokes and hilarious cold front puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cold front that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cold Front Short Jokes
Short cold front jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cold front humour may include short winter cold jokes also.
- My dog is in the kitchen making herself a hot dog Sitting in front of the heater vent, its cold out.
- What's the difference between germans and warm air? Germans turn back when they hit a cold front
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Cold Front One Liners
Which cold front one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cold front? I can suggest the ones about cold weather and cold outside.
- I hear a cold front is headed for Alabama.... They say it may get down to the teens.
- If Amy Poehler was a cold front.... She'd be the Poehler Vortex
Cold Front Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cold front you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cold front pranks.
So this nun is driving along...
... when suddenly a drunk staggers out into the road in front of her. She skids to a stop, gets out, and scolds him severely, making several derogatory remarks, and angrily lecturing him on how dangerous he was being. The drunk looks at her for a minute, then punches her in the face, knocking her out cold.
Standing over her prone form, the drunk grins triumphantly, and slurs out "Yeah! Not so tough now, are you Batman?".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was a dark night in the cemetery..
..and Eric had, unwisely, elected to take a short cut. The leaves rustled in the trees, the shadows appeared to move around him, and then.. and then.. tap, tap, tap. Eric started to walk faster but the tapping was only getting louder. Eric grew scared, really scared, until he rounded a big old gravestone and saw a man tapping away at the front of the stone. Trying to hide his relief, Eric said, "You're up late on a cold windy night!" "Yes", said the man. "You always work this late?" said Eric. "Not normally", replied the man, "But the b**... spelt my name wrong!"
I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...
"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."
I rocked up to a party the other night and was having a great time.
I got a bit tipsy and looked down at my wrist, my watch was missing. So off I go out the front to see if I dropped it. I get out there and I see this drunk guy screaming at his gf, I look down and he's crushing my watch under his foot. I ran straight over and punched him out cold. You don't mistreat your gf, not on my watch.
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold.
A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him.
He began an Epic struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.
He said, a bit sheepishly, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this huge, flashing sign. Turns out somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'Shell' sign."
A nun walks out..
A nun walks out the front door of the church and sees two small boys laying face down in the snow with their pants down. She's asks them
What is it you boys are doing?
They turn and say "you know how father likes to have a couple of cold ones after his sermon"
My neighbors came around the neighborhood this morning with flyers complaining about how someone stole their delivered dinner from their front stoop last night.
If you ask me, it feels like an overreaction for some poorly seasoned vegetables, overcooked salmon, and the lemon-tinged green beans, all of which had already gone cold anyway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to church by himself one Sunday, leaving his wife at home who had a cold.
Upon his return from church, his wife noticed that he had two black eyes. What in the world happened to you??
The man explained, sheepishly, Well, we stood up for the first hymn and there in the pew in front of me was Sue Ellen. Don't you know, she was wearing one of them dresses she wears and she had a great big w**.... I figured I'd help her out, so I reached up there and pulled it out for her. Well, heh, she didn't like that and turned around and popped me one.
The wife hesitates, OK… That explains one black eye. What's with the other one?
It didn't seem like she was happy so I reached up there and put it back in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man returns home from a doctors visit..
He sits down in front of his wife with tears dripping down his cheeks,
"I've got 12 hours to live.."
The wife begins to cry as she grabs her husbands cold hands,
"Is there anything I do for you? Any last wishes?"
The husband looks down at the floor, thinking for a short moment, before responding;
"s**.... Non stop s**... for the next 11 hours and 45 minutes"
The wife shakes her head and looks away from her husband,
"What's wrong?" The husband asks,
"Well, that's easy for you to do, but you also don't have to get up tomorrow" The wife responds
The body of an homosexual, existentialist fugitive was found in a motel 2 years after the case went cold.
Across an entire wall the words "How do they know" were scrawled, surrounded by places and names connected by bits of string.
The police investigated this, but they couldn't decipher it beyond the ravings of a madman.
The body was found in front of a computer after people at the motel reported a gunshot early in the morning.
Apparently he had browsing 4chan. The police tried to figure out what drove him to kill himself by checking his browser history, but couldn't get any leads. It wasn't until they looked at the comments that they figured out what drove him mad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One cold January morning
On a cold January morning a f**... was being held for a man who passed away. After the service the pal barers are caring the coffin out of the church. As they walk down the steps one man slips and loses his grip on the casket causing the others to lose their grips. The coffin goes sliding down then steps, into the road and down a hill. At the bottom of the hill it crashes through the front window of a local pharmacy and goes crashing through the whole store and slams into the counter in the back. As soon as it hits the coffin opens and the dead guy sits up. The Pharmacist asks How can i help you? The dead guy says Ya you got anything to stop this coffin?
So a guy and a girl go to a party...
One day a guy asks a girl to come to a party with him. The girl accepts and and so he decides that he should get her some flowers as a gift. So he goes to the shop but there is a huge line to get the flowers so he waits and after about half an hour he finally manages to buy the flowers and get home.
When they get to the venue the girl asks the guy to go wait in line for them because it was cold and the line was long. So he does and after waiting a long time they get in.
Once they are in the girl asks the guy to get them something to eat. So he goes to get them something to eat and sure enough again there is a massively long line. After a while he gets to the front to get the girl some food and goes back to where they were sitting.
They chat for few minutes and then she asks him to go get her some punch. But thankfully there was no punch line.
(I can't remember where I saw this joke, it was a while ago, but I thought I'd share it. :)
A homeless man walks into a Wendy's...
... tired, cold, and very hungry, with an urge to use the bathroom. As he approaches the bathroom, he sees a man just sitting with a bowl of chili in front of him, an odd look on his face. Hungry, the homeless man asks the man with the chili if he's going to finish it. The man says no, and gives him the chili. The homeless man starts devouring it, and about after eating about half of the bowl, notices a dead rat. He throws back up into the chili, and the man who gave it to him says with a smile on his face: "Yeah, that's about how far I got too."
Play around
So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**...'s Bells
3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for one. It is the test of purity. So the other monks tie bells to their d**... and put them in a room with a n**... chick.
She dances in front of the first one, and, sure enough, he goes 'ding-ding!'
"Go take a cold shower, now!" she commands, and he goes to take a shower.
So she dances in front of the next one, and, after a couple of minutes, he goes 'ding-ding!'
"Go take a cold shower with your brother!" she yells, and he leaves.
Now she goes to the last one, dancing in front of him. He doesn't ring. The woman nods.
"Good, you've passed. Go take a shower with your brothers."
"Ding-ding!"
A college Professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.
He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there is no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent.
You could have heard a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by.
Again the Professor taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!"
His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor and punched him full-force in the face.
The Professor tumbled from his lofty platform, and he was out cold before he hit the floor.
At first the students were shocked, and they babbled in confusion.
The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silently.
The class fell silent... waiting.
Eventually, the Professor came to.
When he finally regained the power of speech, he glared at the young Marine in the front row.
"What's the matter with you? Why on earth did you do that?"
The Marine smiled. "God was busy. He sent me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On top of a hill area, there are three draculas bragging about their powers to each other.
The first one, points at a large house in the village underneath them, and quickly fly towards it. In about five minutes, he's back with a hint of blood dripping from his lip. Proudly, he says that all the humans living in that house died from his attack. The second dracula laughs as he's pointing to a small village area. After that, the second dracula jumps and flies in a quicker manner than the first one, in not more than a minute, he's already back with his mouth covered in blood. He says that all the people in the village that he pointed at died from his quick and brutal attack. The first dracula felt beaten, while the third one didn't say anything, but he gave one cold stare to a direction with small city lights at the end of it. Without any word, he flashed into that direction, and in more of a shock, he's back in around five seconds of time with face all covered in blood. Both previous draculas are surprised, and asked him if had he slaughtered the people in that small city. The third dracula shouts, "Did you two see that electrical pole in front of us?" they replied, "Of course we did, why?" still shouting, the third dracula says, "g**..., I didn't!"