Cold Feet Jokes
68 cold feet jokes and hilarious cold feet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cold feet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cold Feet Short Jokes
Short cold feet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cold feet humour may include short feeling cold jokes also.
- 1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow. 1's hands got so cold that they went numb.
2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number. - The cannibal nervously decided to try his first human meal Much to his dismay, he got cold feet
- Socks are expensive. I can go on a date or I can buy a pack of socks. I was going to ask this girl out, but then I got cold feet.
- A man was getting married but got cold feet at the last minute... The next morning he went to work and his co-workers asked "so how'd the wedding go"
He replied "oh, it went off without a hitch" - I want to get into ice skating but I keep getting cold feet!
- What did Mike Tyson call the groom with cold feet? A Puthy
- I always found the "Dead man and a puddle of water" riddle to be completely unrealistic. Noone would hang themselves standing on a block of ice. They would get cold feet!
- Why was the snowman no good at big games? He got cold feet
- Why did the skydiver light his feet on fire? He didn't want to get cold feet.
- It became harder to breathe as I ascended the snowy mountain, trudging through nearly five inches of snow. I couldn't take it anymore I backed out with cold feet
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Cold Feet One Liners
Which cold feet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cold feet? I can suggest the ones about bare feet and cold blooded.
- Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant? Because he got cold feet.
- Finally decided to throw away my favourite pair of socks but then i got cold feet
- The real reason Jack and Rose separated at the end... Jack got cold feet.
- Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet.
- Why did the Zombie miss her wedding? Cold feet
- Why do penguins never get married? They always get cold feet
- Why did the corpse miss her wedding? cold feet
- Why don't polar bears ever get married? Because they all have cold feet.
- Why did Yeti miss his own wedding? He got cold feet
- I'm not afraid of taking off my socks I just get cold feet.
- I'm usually exited for winter... But then I get cold feet.
- I was thinking of getting myself Cryogenically frozen but now I have cold feet
- I joined a nudist colony in Canada. To be honest, I'm starting to get cold feet.
- Why are penguins so shy? They always get cold feet.
- Why did the Pope have Cold feet? Because he had holy socks.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Cold Feet Jokes
What funny jokes about cold feet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cold shoulder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cold feet pranks.
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died.
When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.
Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.
Baby camel talking to daddy camel
"Dad, why have we got these humps?"
"Well, my son, we are the ships of the desert, we fill them up with water and can walk for hundreds of miles across the desert wastes"
"Dad, Why have we got big feet?"
"Well son, we are kings of the desert, but the desert sand are soft and treacherous, and we need wide feet to avoid sinking as we labor across the dunes"
"Dad, why have we got thick coats?"
"Well, my son, it is bitterly cold at night in the deserts, and we need thick coats to protect us from biting wind and fierce sandstorms"
"Dad...?"
"Yes son..?"
"Why do we live in the New York Zoo?"
A Nagging Wife
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his death row client.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over n**..., drying his legs and feet and said "They're not hanging Wright tonight!"
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?'
I was going to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge...
but then I got cold feet.
Did you hear about the bare foot bridegroom?
He got cold feet.
Why did the bride and groom get married in a hot tub?
So that the bride wouldn't get cold feet.
I got cold feet before my wedding
So I put on some warmer socks
We were going to install Underfloor heating...
But we got cold feet.
A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down.
A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"
The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"
They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"
He replies, "OK, let's check!"
He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"
The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"
Why are woman's feet always so cold in bed?
Because they have no soles.
Joke my fiancee just said to me.
Why didn't the penguin close on his mortgage?
He had cold feet.
Why do polar bears get cold feet?
They walk around *bear*foot.
Me and my girlfriend had a s**... pact.
One of us got cold feet.
Why did Bobby Drake bail on his wedding?
He had cold feet.
A blonde was taking helicopter lessons
A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.
At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."
At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, just getting a little cold."
But before she reached 3000 feet the helicopter began to slowly come down. It crashed into the ground ruining the helicopter, but the blonde was fine. The instructor ran to her side to comfort her, "What happened?"
She replied, "I told you it was getting cold. So I shut off the giant fan.
Why don't penguins ever get married?
They always get cold feet! ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.
A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons.
A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said:
"I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3,000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crashed and pulled her out of the helicopter. He asked her,
"What went wrong?"
The blonde said: "At 2,500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
I hate waking up in the morning and feeling cold feet touching mine.
That the last time I sleep in a mortuary.
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
What does a melon with cold feet say?
I cant-elope
Looking out of the window I saw a neighbour stealing my socks off the washing line
I was going to confront him but I got cold feet
Me: You're today's date
She: What?
Me: You're a solid 11/11
She: What kind of a rating scale is out of 11?
Me: I... I had cold feet on 10th October
My girlfriend doesn't like it when I sleep with socks, so I made a resolution to sleep barefoot.
After the first night I got cold feet.
Why did the skier bail out on his wedding?
He had cold feet.
It's supposed to be bad weather tomorrow for my workmate's wedding
I hope she doesn't get cold feet
I was freezing out in the middle of the woods when I stumbled upon a mean-looking hunter sat by a campfire...
He was roasting his fresh kill feet first and the smell had me salivating for a bit of that tasty grub.
He gave me a dirty look and made it clear he didn't want to share any.
I begged him for a bite to help me warm up but he just gave me the cold shoulder.
During his first solo flight, Tom crashed a helicopter but survived. His puzzled trainer asked: "What went wrong?"
"At 3000 feet, everything was OK. So I hovered higher. At 6000 feet it started to get cold." "Then what?" "So I switched off the fan..."
An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada.
He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...
It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.
The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.
His feet feel refreshed!
The street has gorgeous s**... and embankments, like an alleyway out of Florence in the 1500s, but made out of clay stones.
He sees two gentlemen working on fixing a small crack in the street, the only blemish for blocks.
One of them is pounding down the clay with a wide-head sledgehammer, thwap thwap!
The other is on his knees with a compass and a pick and a broom, adjusting the grade of the street material.
He interrupts them to say, Excuse me gentlemen! I hate to be a bother, but I just want to applaud your hard work on this alleyway. It's rare a city takes such good care with its streets and this one is one of the best.
The man with the sledge stops and says, Well, we appreciate that sir. You know your streets, it seems! Would it surprise you to know that the composition of this street is not adobe? It's mulched with our native nut trees, the cashew nut. That's what gives it its softness. When it rains, the petrichor has a slight sweetness due to the cashew, and the town smells fantastic. I'm just hammering it down before it gets too cold.
Well, I'll be! cried the archaeologist. And what's that fellow up to? pointing to the man on his knees.
Oh him! He's in charge of checking the grade of the clay. If it's too rough, he picks and sweeps it. Backbreaking work. We hire four of them, one for each season. And since autumn just arrived, he's got a few months yet. So you see...
And here the man paused...
So you see...my hammered alley is really 'cashews clay'. And he is the gradist.
The gradist...of fall time.
