Cold Cut Jokes
20 cold cut jokes and hilarious cold cut puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cold cut that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cold Cut Short Jokes
Short cold cut jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cold cut humour may include short cold open jokes also.
- I asked a vegan what it was like cutting meat from their diet... They said it wasn't hard to quit cold turkey.
- It was so cold last night that I had to cut open my tauntaun to sleep. Unfortunately that only got me luke warm.
- What did the federal prosecutor arguing against Jared Fogle order from the judge? A Cold Cut Convict
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Cold Cut One Liners
Which cold cut one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cold cut? I can suggest the ones about ice cold and cold.
- My butcher is very rude I asked him for a cut of pork and he gave me the cold shoulder
- Why did Fred put band aids in the refrigerator? He wanted cold cuts.
- ELI5: Why is the Italian BMT so similar to the Cold Cut Combo?
- What do you call or when someone frames you for stealing cold cuts? A bologna fologna.
- What do you call a girl who kills herself in the winter? Cold cuts.
Cold Cut Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cold cut you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cold shoulder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cold cut pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was a dark night in the cemetery..
..and Eric had, unwisely, elected to take a short cut. The leaves rustled in the trees, the shadows appeared to move around him, and then.. and then.. tap, tap, tap. Eric started to walk faster but the tapping was only getting louder. Eric grew scared, really scared, until he rounded a big old gravestone and saw a man tapping away at the front of the stone. Trying to hide his relief, Eric said, "You're up late on a cold windy night!" "Yes", said the man. "You always work this late?" said Eric. "Not normally", replied the man, "But the b**... spelt my name wrong!"
Keep 'em warm
Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water.
Bob can't believe it, he yells over " whats your secret?"
"woogatkakeptewrwm" he answers back.
"what did you say?" replies Bob.
The man spits a large ball of worms into his hand and says to Bob, " you have to keep your worms warm".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been smoking w**... for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.
I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more w**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you have s**... with a bunch of circumcised men at the North Pole,
Is it a cold cut combo?
A Sioux meets a Cowboy cutting some wood
The cowboy asks, "Hey fellow, can you tell me if it's going to be cold this winter?" The indian says "Yes. It will be cold."
The Indian swings by again watching the cowboy cutting wood. The cowboy asks, "really, pal, how cold and how long you think this winter will be?" "It will be very cold and very long!" the Sioux answers.
The following day, the indian comes back and the cowboy is going crazy again preparing for winter. This one goes, "you seem so sure about your forecast. What did you see that gave you the feeling that this winter will be so hard and cold?"
"Sioux have a say," the indian goes, "When white man cuts lot of wood, winter is long and xold."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest went into the country to pay a visit to a 92 year old church member whom he had not seen for many years...
She welcomed him into her home. While she made tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak o**... with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was half filled with water and a c**... was floating on top of it. Astonished and shocked, he quickly turned away. But after tea, curiosity got the best of him and he asked her about it.
"Oh, yes," she said enthusiastically. "While in town last year I found a package on the sidewalk. The directions on the back said 'keep wet and put on your o**... to prevent disease.' And you know, I think it works. I haven't
had a cold all winter!"
Fishing in a frozen lake
It was a cold winter day.
An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.
He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him.
The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble.
You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish!
How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"