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Cold Calling Jokes

98 cold calling jokes and hilarious cold calling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cold calling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Cold Calling Short Jokes

Short cold calling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cold calling humour may include short telephone call jokes also.

  1. What do you call a pig that is cold and growling? A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.
    I made this joke when I was 11. I remember being super proud lol.
  2. An unknown number called me, sneezed and coughed a few times and then hung up. I'm getting tired of all these cold calls.
  3. my wife's favorite joketo tell What do you call a peanut with a cold?
    Cashew!
    she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.
  4. A man is sitting in a restaurant. He calls the waiter over. Man: Waiter, my soup is cold.
    Waiter: It's gazpacho.
    Man: Gazpacho, my soup is cold.
  5. What do you call it when a group of necrophiliac men go out to have some fun? A cold one with the boys
  6. What do you call cold Mexican food? A Brrrr-rito.
    Guess what I had for breakfast. Apologies if repost.
  7. I had a cold call today asking about my recent accident I said "well he's 22 now and I'm rather fond of him"
  8. What do you call a cold apprentice? A Wintern
  9. What do you call Mexican food when it gets cold? A burrrrrrito.
  10. What do you call a pig that's angry about being cold? A ham brr grr!

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Cold Calling One Liners

Which cold calling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cold calling? I can suggest the ones about phone call and prank calling.

  1. You call it necrophilia.... But I call it cracking open a cold one with the boys.
  2. What do you call a cold cucumber? A cucumbrrr.
  3. What do you call a son of Zeus with a bad cold? A Phlegmigod
  4. Why was it called the Cold War? Because of all the Icy-BMs!
  5. Someone called me and sneezed and then ended the call I'm tired of all these cold calls!
  6. What do you call a lizard that's an assassin? A cold-blooded killer
  7. What do you call a necropheliac party *cracking open a cold one with the boys*
  8. What do you call the urge to crack open a cold one? Necrophilia.
  9. What do you call a cold crocodile? A refrigergator
  10. What do you call a WWE wrestler who works at an ice cream shop? Cold Stone Steve Austin
  11. It's the cold and flu time of year Or as I like to call it, vitamin C-son.
  12. What do you call a Hawaiian with a cold? A Polysneezin.
  13. What do you call a dollar frozen in a block of ice? Cold hard cash.
  14. What do you call an espresso with a cold? Cough-ee
  15. What do you call a cow that's cold and angry? BURRRR...GERRRRRRR

Cold Calling Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about cold calling you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean phone call answering jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cold calling pranks.

Chris: this water isn't warm, or cold

Luke: what should we call it?
Chris: how about Chriswarm
Luke: I have a better idea

A priest and a nun ...

... are on a pilgrimage when they get caught in a blizzard. They make their way to a small abandoned cabin with a bed, a stack of blankets, and a sleeping bag. Now the priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. They say their nightly prayers and tuck in for the night. The priest is nearly asleep when he is awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm cold!" The priest gets up, puts a blanket on her, checks that she's OK, and goes back to his sleeping bag.
This time he's starting to nod off when he's again awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm still cold!" So once again the priest gets up, places another blanket on the nun, and heads back to his sleeping bag. But when he's almost asleep this time she calls again, "Father, Father, I'm sooo cold!" The priest thinks on this situation and after a moment he responds. "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a storm. No one but ourselves and the Lord God almighty will know what happens here this night. What would you say if, just for this night, we act as though we were married?" The nun thinks on this for a while and finally responds with an excited, "Yes Father, I'd like that!" To which the priest responds,
...
...
"GET UP AND GET YOUR OWN d**... BLANKET YA HARPY!"

During My Trip to Paris

While I was in Paris, me and my friends decided to go for a swim during an awfully cold day. We went down to the river, and as I waded in the water, I called my mom to tell her what I was doing. She replied,
"What are you, in Seine!?"

Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...
-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.
-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!
The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!

So, I hit the lottery for two million dollars.....

The first thing I did was to call my wife. I tell her I hit the lottery for two million dollars, pack your bags. She asks me "should I pack for cold weather or warm".
I told her that I didn't care, just be out by the time I get home.

Two Ninjas

What do you call two ninjas named Charlie, stranded outside on a cold night?
Numchucks.

What do you call a cold North African?

A Brrbrr

What did Mike Tyson call the groom with cold feet?

A Puthy

What do you call a dog with a cold?

A Germy Shepherd!

What do you call a very cold v**...?

Absolut Zero

What do you call someone who hates cold weather?

A southerner

What do you call a dead Australian Wrestler?

Stone Cold Steve Irwin

What do you call Lemmy Kilmister with a cold?

Phlegmmy Kilmister

What do you call a dirty puddle on a slab of cold concrete in dim, gloomy light?

A sunny day in Seattle.

What do you call a metalhead with a cold?

Flemmy

What do you call a Canadian in a blizzard?

Cold.

What do you call a cold Jewish person?

Iceberg.

A couple are dining at a German restaurant...

A couple are dining at a German restaurant, and so far it has been awful. The appetizers were cold, the beer was warm, and the main course has been in preparation for over two hours.
They call over their waitress to complain about the appetizers and the beer, and to ask where their entrees are.
She frowns and replies, "The wurst is yet to come."

A white man tells a black man

Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know
When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.
Instead you my friend
When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....
And they still dare to call me a color man

What do you call someone who is known for being heartless and cold to others?

Dead

What do you call a Belgian with a cold?

Phlegmish

What do you call a cold thief

A rob-buurr

The Cure for the Common Cold

It's called "The Whiskey and a Hat Trick"
All you need is a bottle of whiskey and a hat.
First, sit on your bed. Place the hat at the foot of the bed. Proceed to drink whiskey until you see two hats, then go to sleep.
If you do this your cold will be gone in just 7 days.
If you don't, it'll last a whole week.

What do you call an Italian mobster who specializes in cold coffee drinks?

Al Frap-Pacino

What do you call a cold puppy?

A chili dog.

What do you call a gun that's cold?

A br-r-r-r-retta

What do you call a cold cow?

Shake 'n Steak

What do you call the Holy Father in cold weather?

A popesicle.

Took one of those annoying cold calls at dinner. "Have you had an accident in the last 5 years..."

Yes.
And we called her Amy.

What do you call a Alaskan Emo Butcher?

A cold cutter

What do you call a drag queen with a cold floating in a pool?

Phlegmbouyant

What do you call a group of Catholic priests standing in the snow?

Cracking open a boy with the cold ones

What is it called when 4 men gang r**... a corpse?

Having a cold one with the boys.

UGH I was just forced to watch a s**... commercial about something called a Snuggie...

I wanted to change the channel so bad, but I was under a blanket and didn't want my arms to get cold.

What do you call it when a p**... gets a cold?

Sniyphulis

What do you call a cold metal?

Brrrrrrrrrrronze.

What do you call OJ Simpson, trapped in Antarctica with no supplies except a one-pound bag of m**...?

A s**... cold killer.

Colds usually go from your nose to your t**... to your chest...

If they go from your chest to your nose, is it called a retrovirus?
(Courtesy of my future father-in-law at lunch today)

What do you call a cold wood?

A shiver-me-timber

What do you call a cold dog?

A Chilli Dog.

I got a job as an ice sculptor with zero experience

Weird right? I didn't even fill out an application.
I cold called them.

What do you call a sandwich that is not well-liked at cold temperature?

A BRRRRR GRRRRR!

What do you call a poet with a cold?

An illiterate.

I Call my wife the, Venus De Milo

She's cold as marble and not all there

What do you call a shivering man who lets his wife sleep with other men?

c-cold

Russian man is watching weather forecast on TV and they say that it's -50°C in Siberia today...

In disbelief he calls his Siberian friend:
\- Hey, I've heard is super cold in Siberia these days?
\- Nah, it's nothing special, about -25°.
\- Yeah? On TV they've said it's -50° C!
\- Ah, this must be outside.

What do you call a cold hippo?

Hippothermia.

What do you call it when your body is fighting off an illness?

The Cold War.

An oldie but a goodie (from Coming to America)

A man is at a restaurant and orders a bowl of soup. The waitress brings him the soup. A couple minutes later, he calls the waitress over.
"Ma'am, something is wrong, can you t**... soup?"
"What's wrong, is it too hot?"
"Just taste the soup."
"What? Is it too cold? Too salty?"
"Please just taste the soup"
"Fine! Alright, I'll taste it. Where's the spoon?"
"A ha!"

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

I started playing COD Cold War yesterday and ended up playing online against a player called h**.... He got so many kills but...

It was only because he was Kampfing.

The heart and soul of a chef

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and dinner. After a few bites of his meal, he calls the bartender over. "Normally the food here is great," the guys says. "But tonight it is really cold and bitter." "Sorry about that. My wife is doing the cooking tonight," the bartender says. "She's really putting all of her heart and soul into it."

Let's go way back ...

A salesman really sold me on the their new product. I bought one immediately.
The next day at lunch the guys were admiring my new purchase. "What is it?", they asked.
"It's called a "thermos". The salesman told me that it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, so of course I bought it."
"Wow. What do you have in it?"
"Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."

What do you call cold beef?

Ham**brrrr**ger

What would you call a rideshare in a cold vehicle?

Ubrrrrr.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat.

After a few days, she called her husband and asked, How is everything going?
The cat is dead, he replied coldly.
She cried out and said, You could have said the cat is playing on the roof on the first day, and the next day, it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead!
No reply. The wife sighed sadly, Anyways, how's my mom?
She's playing on the roof.

A school principal arrives in his office when the phone rings.

"I'm afraid my daughter won't be in school today," says the voice on the other line. "She has a terrible cold."
"I'm sorry to hear this," says the principal. "I hope her cold gets better soon. Who is this calling?"
"This is my mom."

To the a**... hole that keeps calling my phone, sneezing, then hanging up.

I am getting sick and tired of your cold calls.