The Best 26 Cold Weather Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Cold Weather jokes. There are some cold weather jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cold weather puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Cold Weather Jokes and Puns

An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves

On one hand, they are good for cold weather.

On the other, they don't really help.

So, I hit the lottery for two million dollars.....

The first thing I did was to call my wife. I tell her I hit the lottery for two million dollars, pack your bags. She asks me "should I pack for cold weather or warm".
I told her that I didn't care, just be out by the time I get home.

Lottery

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

Did you hear about the boy who turned up to school with only 1 glove?

He said the weather man said it's going to be cold, but on the other hand it might be warm.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things!

I just won the Lottery!'

Martha shouts back, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'

The man replies, 'I don't care, just as long as you're out of the house by noon!'


I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

I'm really worried about my wife and this weather

Ever since it started snowing, she's seemed really depressed. We've had strong, cold winds blowing lately, and freezing rain forming layers of ice over the snow. All she does is stand frozen at the window, staring, and I think she might be depressed.

If this keeps up I might need to let her inside.

I was planning on taking my little girls to the start of summer village fair today, but its raining, windy and cold so we decided not to go.

May weather won.

A couple move to Nevada and the husband hits it big at the casino

He rushes into his house and yells to his wife,

"Pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot!"

The wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The husband responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon."

Beggars are like mosquitos...

You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.

A man wins the lottery

He bursts into his bedroom and screams to his wife WOW, I won! I finally won the lottery! Pack your bags quick . The woman all excited replied should I pack for cold or hot weather? To which the man said I don't care as long as you are out of my house by noon

You can explore cold weather reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cold weather dad jokes. There are also cold weather puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Russian man is watching weather forecast on TV and they say that it's -50°C in Siberia today...

In disbelief he calls his Siberian friend:

\- Hey, I've heard is super cold in Siberia these days?

\- Nah, it's nothing special, about -25°.

\- Yeah? On TV they've said it's -50° C!

\- Ah, this must be outside.

A liquor salesman, a food salesman and a mattress salesman were sitting in hotel lobby chatting

The liquor salesman spoke first,"Y'know, I hate to see a woman drink alone."
The food salesman countered with,"I hate to see a woman eat alone."
The mattress salesman said,"Say, what do you fellows think of the cold weather we've been having?"

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold...

I nodded knowingly. It's the early signs of typothermia.

Ever hear about the Roman general who had a fit every time there was cold weather?

Hail.. seizure

Whis is R. Kelly excited by all this cold weather?

He kept hearing it was gonna be in the teens

"Baby Its Cold Outside" is a great example of today's sexual harassment problems.

A guy can't even talk about the weather without women assuming it's something sexual.

I don't get why everyone makes such a big deal about the cold weather.

I'm out in it right now and I can't feel a thing!

A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"

"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

"Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"


What do you call the Holy Father in cold weather?

A popesicle.

#NotMyGroundhog

Cold weather triggers me

What do you call someone who hates cold weather?

A southerner

It's supposed to be bad weather tomorrow for my workmate's wedding

I hope she doesn't get cold feet

Weather girl: …. and because of the cold front coming in from North-East,

we can expect about 3 inches of snow, or, as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches.  

In those cold weather it's important to remember

Your car battery is both alive and dead until you try cranking it

In Australia, there are only three types of weather:

Too hot, too cold, too wet or a combination.

^(alternate: Total Fire Ban, Totally Flooded and Totally not gonna look outside; mate.)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cold weather jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cold weather piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes