Coins Jokes

Following is our collection of dollar puns and bills one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coins jokes for adults, dirty mint jokes and clean pennies dad gags for kids.

The Best Coins Puns

My son swallowed several coins the other day.

I've definitely seen some change in him.

i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me

like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in

I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife.

But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.

They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.

The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.

The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.

The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.

I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning

I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in


Almost all coins look the same

This must be what we call a coincidence

I've invented a machine that prints money.

I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....


It makes no cents.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins

Excited, I was about to run indoors to tell the wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...

I had been digging for a long time today.

Down in the hole I found a box full of Silver coins!
In the excitement I ran back indoors to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole...

Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

Hospital...

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."


Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

A sad looking man walks into a bar

And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.

The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"

The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"

This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.

After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"

The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.

While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins.

I ran in to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

A stranger gave me a really old metal box...

He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.

So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.

If I had a coin for every gender there is..

I'd have two coins.

Change is hard

So don't throw coins.

I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill!

Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.

Don't be racist; be like Mario

He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.


Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?

he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store?

He couldn't tolerate change.

I was digging up our garden when I found a box full of old rare coins. I was really excited so I ran inside to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I was digging up our garden.

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"

I should write small jokes on a handful of coins

I will call them "cents of humor"

Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!

He's currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage

People say mario is "unrealistic"

but if an Italian man jumped on my head I would die and he would be entitled to any coins I have

A woman walks into the bank with a giant glass jar filled with coins.

Impressed, the teller exclaims "Oh, my! Did your horde all this yourself?"

The woman replied and said, no my sister whored for half of it.

Do you know the company that makes double sided coins?

You should see the headquarters

My Jewish wife was mad at me for making lame puns, so she punished me by lacing my chocolate coins with LSD.

It was a real gelt trip.

If I can use dollar bills to make it rain, are dollar coins golden showers?

How to not be racist

Be like Mario! He's made by the japanese, he is an italian plumber, looks like a mexican, runs and jumps like a black man and grabs coins as fast as a Jew!

Benny swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital.

When his mother asked how he was, the nurse said "No change yet."

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.

The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins per month for the rest of the year 2020.

So I guess you could say the coins will return next quarter.

So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.

It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.

A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."

*coins falling from the sky*

Me: what is this?
Climate: change

Some German kids handed me a bunch of coins I'd never seen before.

Thanks for the strange gold, kinder!

A boy swallows a whole jar of coins...

A boy swallows a whole jar of coins, and is taken to a hospital. When the doctor came out to speak with the parents, he said, "No change yet."

I never realized British coins were so heavy

They can really add up to pounds.

I asked my friend why he always has coins laying around

He said told me he works at a mint, I said to him "that makes cents".

Do not be racist

Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

Our local council said they are going to get all the coins out of the wishing well and put them into a balloon.

Talk about getting everyone's hopes up.

If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...

It'll inspire change within yourself

Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins?

I've been waiting for change for too long.

Why do they want to change the faces on dollar bills but not on coins?

Because the only constant is change.

How many coins I have in my pocket?

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...

"Midas whale"

While digging a hole in the backyard I discovered a box full of gold coins! Excited I went inside to tell my wife...

But then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

The penny is the most common among coins in circulation.

It's common cents.

I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins...

...I just can't make heads or tails of it.

Just discovered there is an award you can give that doesn't require buying any coins!

I've been handing out orange and blue arrows ever since.

Why wont America ever switch to using coins like in the EU?

Because conservatives don't like change.

I invented a machine that makes money out of thin air.

Even though I programmed it to produce coins, it only spits out notes...

It makes no cents.

Digging a hole in the garden.

Lock down has had some highs and lows. For instance, I've had a bit more time to spend in the garden while the weather was fine.
I was digging a hole one day and couldn't believe it when I found a large number of what I think are roman coins. I was so excited that I ran back into the house to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

So I won a grand prize at a local trivia game.

They went up to me and said, Congrats! You've won
a 1 British dollar Sandwich that compresses 1/4 gallons worth of 25c coins!

And I said, So a 1 pound quart quarter pounder quarter pounder?

I used to put coins on my patients' heads, but my boss thought it was unethical.

When he gave me his two cents on the subject, I changed my mind.

I'm making it hail!

Said the man throwing coins at the strippers

After Jesus was executed, the Romans placed coins over his eyes...

Today we refer to them as J.C. Pennies

I think my coins are rigged...

I'm never gettin' any head

When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey,...

you for sure know he is very _cappytalistic._

A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

I was doing some gardening the other day, when I found some gold coins

I was about to run straight home and tell my wife, then I remembered why i was digging in our garden.

How come coins are different from dollars?

Dollars don't make cents.

A man wants to show his son something.

"Come here son!"

*Son walks over* "What dad?"

"Watch this." He takes 2 10-cent coins, places them on the table, and moves them towards and away from each other.

"It's a pair-a-dime shift."

Have you ever noticed that American and Canadian coins look basically the same? Is that intentional?

Or is it just a coin-cidence?

While registering for college classes, I heard the student next to me drop a few coins on the counter.

I guess you could say he's paying for his classes one quarter at a time.

I don't want one of the new £ coins.

I don't like change.

My loose coins falls on the floor of my bedroom daily, often without my knowing. It just sits there for weeks sometimes until I pick it up.

I guess you could say I have a hard time handling change.

I pay all my bills in loose coins...

I've been told to change my ways.

Why do gunslingers shoot coins?

That's how you get change.

TIL the mint in San Francisco does not produce any circulating coins

It doesn't make cents!

There is an abundance of money jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 70 funniest jokes and coins puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any penny witze you can hear about coins.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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