coins Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious coins puns

Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?

Because change comes from within.


I was digging a hole in my backyard...

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold coins. In my excitement I ran back in the house to tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole.


I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me

I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in


My son swallowed several coins the other day.

I've definitely seen some change in him.


i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me

like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in


I caught my dad chewing pennies and spitting them out.

I said, "Dad, what the hell are you doing?"

He replied, "Im making us rich son"

"How?" I asked

"Simple", he said, "I'm making bit coins"


A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.

They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.

The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.

The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.

The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.


Why did the Buddhist pull coins from his butthole?

Because change comes from within.


I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning

I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in


Why did Buddha pull coins out of his asshole?

Cause change comes from within.


I've invented a machine that prints money.

I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....

It makes no cents.


I had been digging for a long time today.

Down in the hole I found a box full of Silver coins!
In the excitement I ran back indoors to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole...


Don't be racist, be like Mario...

He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...



A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."


Why was the Buddhist pulling coins out of his ass?

Because change comes from within


Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.


A sad looking man walks into a bar

And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.

The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"

The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"

This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.

After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"

The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.


While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins.

I ran in to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging a hole.


If I had a coin for every gender there is..

I'd have two coins.


I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill!

Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.


Change is hard

So don't throw coins.


A little boy walks into a "house of I'll repute" with a bag full of coins, dragging a dead frog on a leash behind him...

He approaches the madame, and explains that he has $300 and would like to be with a woman. The madame figures, "why not?" and shows the boy into the room where the women of the night are waiting.
The little boy asks the Madame, "Which one is Amber? I heard some of the men saying they needed to get a special shot for an STD after they were with Amber."
The madame points out Amber, the boy hands the Madame the $300, takes Amber's hand, and heads off for an hour of bliss, pulling along the dead frog behind him.
As the boy is leaving, the Madame's curiosity gets the better of her, and she stops the boy before he gets to the door. "I just have to know, why did you ask specifically for the only girl in the house who has an STD?"

The boy says, "When I get home today, mommy and daddy are going out for their anniversary. The babysitter they hired will molest me and then she'll get the disease. Later on, when daddy drives her home, he'll sleep with her and then he'll get the disease. Than when he gets back, he and mommy will sleep together since its their anniversary, and mommy will get the disease. Then tomorrow when daddy goes to work, the mailman will come over and have sex with mommy, and then he'll get the disease. And that's the motherfucker who ran over my frog."


Don't be racist; be like Mario

He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.


Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?

he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".


Prostate Exam

A man goes to his doctor for his prostate exam. The doctor gets his glove and starts doing his thing, when suddenly, he finds a £50 note! The doctor keeps searching and finds a large amount of notes and coins at different amounts. After he's sure he got everything out, he counts it all up.

Doctor : *I don't want to alarm you, but I just pulled £1999.99 out of your ass! Have you any idea why or how this happened?*

Patient : *I guess I'm just not feeling* ***too grand***.


A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer

"That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.

On the fourth day, he asks for a beer, and hands the bartender a 10$ bill. The bartender takes advantage of his chance for revenge, throws 20 quarters onto the floor and yells "here's your change asshole!"

The guy looks down at the coins and says: "I'll have another beer, please."


A teacher starts working at a new school

A teacher starts working at a new school. He soon finds out that one of the kids is always being bullied and picked on. Everyone calls this kid "Manny the Fool". During one of the breaks he asks some of the students how Manny earned his nickname. The kids laugh and offer a demonstration. They call Manny over and offer him two coins - a quarter and a silver dollar. Without thinking Manny picks the quarter and runs away. The kids all laugh at this and go back to their lessons.

Bewildered, the teacher calls "Manny the Fool" over and asks him, "Manny, why did you take the quarter? Don't you know that the silver dollar is worth more?"

"Yeah," says Manny, "but if I take the silver dollar, they will stop giving me money."


A man walks into a bar, followed by an ostrich and a cat...

...he walks to the bar, the ostrich as well, the cat jumps up onto a stool. He asks the bartender, "Can I get a pint of Guinness?", the ostrich speaks up, says "I'll have one too", the cat says "me too, but i'm not paying". Bartender says that'll be $18.90. The man reaches into his pocket, passes a handful of notes and coins over. The bartender notices it's the exact change. "So what exactly is going on here?", he asks. The man says "well, I was down on the beach, and I found an old lamp. I picked it up, and a genie appeared! said I could have three wishes. I said, I wish that my right pants pocket would always carry exactly how much money I need".

The bartender is visibly impressed! "That's pure genius", he remarked, "I know guys would wish for a simple million or a Ferrari or whatever, but shit, you're set for life! What else did you wish for?"

The man shrugs and replies, "a chick with long legs and a tight pussy.."


I should write small jokes on a handful of coins

I will call them "cents of humor"


Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!

He's currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage


I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor!

A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.

Robin Hood: "HALT!"

"I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"

Peasant: "I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"

Robin Hood: "Very well then poor man, take this!"

Robin Hood gives the poor man a sack, filled to the brim with gold coins. He then fades away into the forest.

The peasant stares in disbelief, exclaiming: "I can't believe it, I'm Rich!"



A woman walks into the bank with a giant glass jar filled with coins.

Impressed, the teller exclaims "Oh, my! Did your horde all this yourself?"

The woman replied and said, no my sister whored for half of it.


A small boy swallowed some coins...

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.

When his mother asked how he was doing, the doctor said, "No change yet."


Do you know the company that makes double sided coins?

You should see the headquarters


One of the court jesters wanted to suck the Queen's breasts.

So he asked king's minister for advice. The minister was ready to tell him a way but wanted 50 gold coins in return. Been promised, the minister told him to put itching powder in the Queen's bra.
The next day, the queen started to itch uncontrollably. The king asked the minister for advice, who told him that a only way to cure the itch was to get the breasts sucked by a jester.
So the court jester was able to suck the Queen's breasts.
Later on when the minister met the jester, he refused to give him any payment. "I knew you would do that", said the minister," Which is why I have put the itching powder in the king's underwear!".


What are the most funny Coins jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Coins? Well, here are the best Coins dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Coins pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes