Coins Jokes
109 coins jokes and hilarious coins puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coins that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Coins Short Jokes
Short coins jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coins humour may include short currency jokes also.
- I can't stand homeless people Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.
- When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
- Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
- A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
- Why did Australia get all the criminals while America got all the puritans? >!Because Australia won the coin toss!<
- Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
- My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
Heads or Tales. - i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in
- I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife. But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
- I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in
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Coins One Liners
Which coins one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coins? I can suggest the ones about bitcoin and wallet.
- My son swallowed several coins the other day. I've definitely seen some change in him.
- Some weird German kid just gave me a gold coin. Thanks for the gold, strange kinder!
- What idiot coined the term ex-fiancé Instead of near-Mrs
- Almost all coins look the same This must be what we call a coincidence
- Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin? They're afraid of change.
- Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America? We're running out of common cents
- There is a coin shortage in America They are officially out of Common Cents
- People who work in coin factories sure are lucky. They make a lot of money.
- If I had a coin for every gender there is.. I'd have two coins.
- I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins. It just doesn't make cents.
- Change is hard So don't throw coins.
- A new £1 coin is being released in the UK today... ...I don't like change.
- Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store? He couldn't tolerate change.
- Pickup line: If I flip a coin.... What are the chances of me getting head? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- I should write small jokes on a handful of coins I will call them "cents of humor"
Gold Coins Jokes
Here is a list of funny gold coins jokes and even better gold coins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was digging in the woods and found a chest filled with gold coins I ran back home excitedly to tell my wife the good news.
Then I remembered why I was digging in the woods. - I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins Excited, I was about to run indoors to tell the wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
- While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins. I ran in to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging a hole. - ...well darn I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
- I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
- Some German kids handed me a bunch of coins I'd never seen before. Thanks for the strange gold, kinder!
- While digging a hole in the backyard I discovered a box full of gold coins! Excited I went inside to tell my wife... But then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
- I was doing some gardening the other day, when I found some gold coins I was about to run straight home and tell my wife, then I remembered why i was digging in our garden.
- How did man lose gold tooth? He bit coin.
- So I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found... these really old gold coins so I ran into my house to tell my wife about them, then I remembered why I was digging the hole...
Dollar Coins Jokes
Here is a list of funny dollar coins jokes and even better dollar coins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've invented a machine that prints money. I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents. - I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow. When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy... - Someone threw a dollar coin at the mayor of Detroit Police are trying to figure out if it's assault or a bailout package.
- If I can use dollar bills to make it rain, are dollar coins golden showers?
- Why do they want to change the faces on dollar bills but not on coins? Because the only constant is change.
- How come coins are different from dollars? Dollars don't make cents.
- Dollar bill With a COIN !! :D "I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They've already done it. It's called a nickel" -Jay Leno
- What coin doubles in value when half is deducted? A half dollar.
- If a had a dollar for every time a girl complemented my looks I'd have roughly two chucky cheese coins.
- I'm an expert gambler. I found this machine at the casino once where I won every time. You just insert a dollar and it spits out 4 coins!
Silver Coins Jokes
Here is a list of funny silver coins jokes and even better silver coins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a pirate who is all out of reales(Silver coins)? Long Gone Silver...
/drops mic
The Funniest Coins Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about coins you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coins pranks.
A sad looking man walks into a bar
And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.
The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"
The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"
This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.
After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"
The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.
I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill!
Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.
A boy swallows a whole jar of coins...
A boy swallows a whole jar of coins, and is taken to a hospital. When the doctor came out to speak with the parents, he said, "No change yet."
When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...
"Midas whale"
How many coins I have in my pocket?
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
My Jewish wife was mad at me for making lame puns, so she punished me by lacing my chocolate coins with l**....
It was a real gelt trip.
Don't be racist; be like Mario
He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.
Hospital...
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
Our local council said they are going to get all the coins out of the wishing well and put them into a balloon.
Talk about getting everyone's hopes up.
A woman walks into the bank with a giant glass jar filled with coins.
Impressed, the teller exclaims "Oh, my! Did your horde all this yourself?"
The woman replied and said, no my sister w**... for half of it.
Don't be racist, be like Mario...
He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...
How to not be racist
Be like Mario! He's made by the japanese, he is an italian plumber, looks like a mexican, runs and jumps like a black man and grabs coins as fast as a Jew!
I asked my friend why he always has coins laying around
He said told me he works at a mint, I said to him "that makes cents".
Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?
It makes cents if you think about it.
Do you know the company that makes double sided coins?
You should see the headquarters
I had been digging for a long time today.
Down in the hole I found a box full of Silver coins!
In the excitement I ran back indoors to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole...
Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?
he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".
I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins...
...I just can't make heads or tails of it.
Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins?
I've been waiting for change for too long.
The penny is the most common among coins in circulation.
It's common cents.
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.
They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.
The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.
The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.
The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.
If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...
It'll inspire change within yourself
So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.
It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.
A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."
I never realized British coins were so heavy
They can really add up to pounds.
*coins falling from the sky*
Me: what is this?
Climate: change
Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!
He's currently in a Nickleless nicolas cage Cage
I was digging up our garden when I found a box full of old rare coins. I was really excited so I ran inside to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging up our garden.
A stranger gave me a really old metal box...
He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.
So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.
Do not be racist
Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.
Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?
The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.
The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins per month for the rest of the year 2020.
So I guess you could say the coins will return next quarter.
Benny swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital.
When his mother asked how he was, the nurse said "No change yet."
People say mario is "unrealistic"
but if an Italian man jumped on my head I would die and he would be entitled to any coins I have
I found a hammer behind McDonalds that I use to smash coins with
I nicknamed it Big Mac but it's really more of a Quarter Pounder.
What do you say about the coins you toss into a wishing well?
Money well spent
A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet.
It was his life savings.
A waitress at a diner gives a man his check.
As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip. The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.
Waitress: You know, I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
Man: Okay, what do these pennies tell you about me?
Waitress: This first one tells me that you are very thrifty.
Man: Hmm. Yes, that's true. Go on.
Waitress: This second one tells me that you are not married.
Man: Yes, that's true too.
Waitress: And this last one tells me that your mother wasn't married either.
John the archaeologist is digging under a theatre and discovers 5 pots of gold coins...
Ecstatic, he tells his lead archaeologist
"Graham, I've found 3 pots of gold coins!"
"What's that John? You've found 2 pots of gold coins?"
"That's what I said, a whole p**... of gold coins!"
How's that kid doing that swallowed all those coins?
No change yet…
What is it called when the British compare their old coins?
A farthing contest..
A grade school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins.
She took a half-dollar and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.
From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"
A man is digging in his garden…
When out of nowhere he finds very old coins that are worth a fortune. He gets so excited he runs into his house to tell the p**... he hired and then he remembered why he was digging in the first place.
A man goes to ask the great guru, "Which is better, large b**... or small b**...?"
The great guru asks him "How much money do you have in bills in your wallet?"
The man quickly counts the money. "Thirty dollars."
"And if you had thirty dollars in coins," said the guru, "which would have the greater mass- the coins or the bills?"
"The coins of course."
"But which would have the greater value?"
At this moment, the man was enlightened.
My son wanted to invest in bit coins.
It was a h**... of a dentist bill.
What do you call someone who hoards old English coins?
A guinea pig
A kid comes up to a bus
and the driver asks him if he has the money to ride.
The kid pulls a few coins out of his pocket. "Is this good?"
The driver nods. "Fare enough."
I really hate the fact that after the Queen's death the Australian coins are being updated..
But then again, I don't like change.
I'm not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles' head on them....
But then I don't like change
This Christmas...
Naughty children will be given £1 coins instead of an expensive lump of coal.
Some philosopher said Change does not come from a place of comfort. , but he was wrong.
I'm always finding loose coins in my couch.
A man tries to pay for lunch with coins made of flatbread
Waiter tells him they won't take his naan cents
