Coin Jokes

Following is our collection of kickstand puns and nickle one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coin jokes for adults, dirty cent jokes and clean dime dad gags for kids.

The Best Coin Puns

Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity...

Should've called it "the Father-figure"

A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH

Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?

My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"

My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"

I replied, "my life."

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.


A Blonde Takes a Test

The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.

When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"

She responds, "I was checking my answers."

Almost all coins look the same

This must be what we call a coincidence

A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."

"I want a dragon."

"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"

"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."

"...what color dragon do you want?"

Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America?

We're running out of common cents

100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.

Stranger: What is your name, sad lady

Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat

Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.


do you know how much of a virgin i am?

even when I flip a coin it wouldn't give me head

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

There is a coin shortage in America

They are officially out of Common Cents

People who work in coin factories sure are lucky.

They make a lot of money.

Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Stupid kid

A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.

penny scales

A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.

"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."

"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.


If I had a coin for every gender there is..

I'd have two coins.

A new Β£1 coin is being released in the UK today...

...I don't like change.

A Boy chokes on a coin

A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his throat. His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. "Thank you so much, doctor!" the mother said.
"Oh, I'm not a doctor, ma'am," said the man. "I work for the IRS"

Every city I see is protesting for change right now.

I knew America was in a coin shortage, but I never imagined it would get this bad.

First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.

Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!

I had surgery to become a 50p coin.

My father always said 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'

Pickup line: If I flip a coin....

What are the chances of me getting head? ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...

On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.

When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!


Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

A divorced couple standing in court over a child custody, the mother makes her claim and says: "I had him in my womb for 9 months, so he is mine"

The judge turns to the father and asks: "and what is your claim?"
The man, smiling, says calmly: "Your honour, when I put a coin in the vending machine, the coke that comes out is mine or the machine's?"

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip

It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.

How do you tell if someone is jewish at a football game?

They leave after the coin toss

I work at a coin factory.

It just makes cents to me.

Someone threw a dollar coin at the Mayor of Detroit

Police are trying to figure out if it's assault or a bailout package.

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

My little brother swallowed a coin and was to taken to the hospital

When I asked how he is doing, the nurse said "No change yet!"

A cowboy walks into a bar.

He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three testicles and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".

If I had a pound coin for everytime I had no clue what was going on

i'd just be wondering why I have so much money

My crush is like a coin

Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales...

When someone says, "I don't believe in coincidences"

I say, "Oh my God, me neither!"

Coining Money.

George Washington: We should put "We Trust In God" on our money.

Thomas Jefferson: Great idea! Did you get that?

Yoda: Yep

Why did the man decide to work at the coin mint?

It made cents

I designed a coin making machine but I couldn't understand why it wasn't working

It just didn't make cents

If Trump gets a coin every time he gets criticized

He would have built the wall using his own money.

It is amazing that a Bitcoin is worth $8600

Imagine how much a full coin would cost!

For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin

The one they can't see and the one they can't see either

Coin flipping contests are rigged!

Just a heads up.

My friend and I were betting on a coin.

I asked my friend to give me a heads-up before he flipped it.

A korean couldn't find his coin, so basically ...

a korean lost a korean won

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.

The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins per month for the rest of the year 2020.

So I guess you could say the coins will return next quarter.

A Rabbi had been saving foreskin

He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his foreskin collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.

*coins falling from the sky*

Me: what is this?
Climate: change

Whoever coined the term "wet nurse" missed a golden opportunity...

A cooler name would have been utili-titty.

I don't really understand the function of a coin press...

But I guess it makes cents.

My bit coin game is as good as my pull out game...

5 kids later

I'm not a fan of the new pound coin

but then again, I hate all change.

An american and a russian went to a bar

A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting

- BILL, BUFFALO BILL

A moment later the russian whips out three testicles and shouts:

- BILL, CHERNOBILL

My goal in life is to get my face on a coin.

That way I can be the change I wish to see in the world.

Coincidentally, my friend asked me if I knew who Pavlov was while I was taking my intro to Psychology class.

I told him: "yeah, that name rings a bell"

What do police budgets and children's coin holders have in common?

Both are piggy banks

I bought a coin press last week,

...but the manual is in another language. I hope it still makes cents

Obama gave me a coin with Jesus on it.

It was change I could believe in.

Pre-2000s, gender was like flipping a coin.

Now it's like rolling a DnD dice.

How to start a revolution with change?

Just take a coin and give it a spin.

Why did the man buy a coin printing machine?

It just made cents

Ajit Pai sounds like..

Khajit, he only wants coin

Whenever I'm out drinking I flip a coin

If it lands on heads, I get another drink, if it lands on tails, I flip the coin again

Two students are deciding whether to go to their lecture or the pool on a wonderful summer day...

The first says "How should we decide?"

The second says "How about a coin toss?"

"Sure, you can call it."

"Okay, if we toss the coin and it stays in the air, we'll go to the lecture."

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn't make any cents!

A man accidentally swallows a coin

He is then admitted to the hospital, when his friend comes to check on him he asks the nurse on any updates.

The nurse says: "No change yet."

How many coins I have in my pocket?

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?

Because the exit doors were coin operated.

Why was the sacajawea coin made?

because the Trail Of Tears had a toll booth.

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"

A friend and I wanted to get a hooker, but we could only afford one hand job so we had to flip a coin...

Luckily I won the toss...

Did you hear about the nickel and the penny that got fused together and is haunted?

The coin has the sixth cents

Carpe Dime

Seize the coin.

A Jew goes up a ladder.

As he reaches the top a pound coin falls from his pocket.

He climbed down to retrieve it and the coin hit him on the head.

In court, a woman asks for custody of her daughter.

Woman claims that she gone through pain by giving birth to her daughter to bring her to this world therefore she should obtain the custody.

Then the judge asks the man for an argument why he should obtain the custody of his daughter.

The man said: "Judge, if you insert a coin into a vending machine and get a bottle of Coke, to whom does the bottle belongs?

Vending machines or yours?

Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...

Are you moved and impressed?

a blonde at a vending machine

A blonde comes to a vending machine, then she inserts a coin inside. She pushes a button and the vending machine releases a drink. The blonde puts the drink at the top of the vending machine, inserts a coin again, presses the button again and places another drink at the top. After this happens several times another person says to the blonde:
"Madam, there are several other people waiting for a drink."
The blonde replies: "Shhh! Can't you see I am WINNING now?"

A wealthy gentleman began to chat with a poor woman on the streets of 17th century London

He asked how many children she had.

Six, she answered.

Here is a sixpence for them, he responded, handing her a coin.

No, sir, she said proudly, I will not sell my children.

Why didn't the American like the British coin factory?

It made no cents.

The Wishing Well

A man and his wife walk over to a wishing well, the man throws a coin in the well and makes his wish.
The woman goes and throws her coin in but leans to far over the well, falls in and dies.
The man exclaims "It Worked!"

It's no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk.

What do you call a coin featuring the image of a spaceship and a rooster?

Badmintin'

(P.s. I'm sorry, this is terrible)

A mute man swallowed a coin by mistake

he was able to talk for a minute

Coinkidink does not imply causalidink

That's all I've got, but 2 long island iced teas me thinks that is deeply, utterly hilarious. Back me up..?

There is an abundance of mint jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 90 funniest jokes and coin puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any currency witze you can hear about coin.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes