Coin Jokes
166 coin jokes and hilarious coin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of hilarious coin jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing!
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Funniest Coin Short Jokes
Short coin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coin humour may include short currency jokes also.
- When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
- Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
- A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
- Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
- My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
Heads or Tales. - i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in
- A soldier in wwii was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet. It was his life savings.
- I've invented a machine that prints money. I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents. - Hospital... A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
- I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence.
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Coin One Liners
Which coin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coin? I can suggest the ones about wallet and coop.
- My son swallowed several coins the other day. I've definitely seen some change in him.
- Some weird German kid just gave me a gold coin. Thanks for the gold, strange kinder!
- What idiot coined the term ex-fiancé Instead of near-Mrs
- Almost all coins look the same This must be what we call a coincidence
- Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin? They're afraid of change.
- Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America? We're running out of common cents
- People who work in coin factories sure are lucky. They make a lot of money.
- If I had a coin for every gender there is.. I'd have two coins.
- I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins. It just doesn't make cents.
- Change is hard So don't throw coins.
- A new £1 coin is being released in the UK today... ...I don't like change.
- Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store? He couldn't tolerate change.
- Pickup line: If I flip a coin.... What are the chances of me getting head? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- I should write small jokes on a handful of coins I will call them "cents of humor"
- How do you tell if someone is jewish at a football game? They leave after the coin toss
Flip A Coin Jokes
Here is a list of funny flip a coin jokes and even better flip a coin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.
- Coin flipping contests are rigged! Just a heads up.
- My friend and I were betting on a coin. I asked my friend to give me a heads-up before he flipped it.
- A magic coin I have a magic coin that whenever flipped lands on its side.
I can't make heads nor tails of it. - Pre-2000s, gender was like flipping a coin. Now it's like rolling a DnD dice.
- Whenever I'm out drinking I flip a coin If it lands on heads, I get another drink, if it lands on tails, I flip the coin again
- Genders I couldn't decide what gender I should be today, so I flipped a coin...
*flips a coin*
Wait a minute, how many sides does a coin have...? - Marriage is like flipping a coin, there's a 50% chance of success or failure. I'm on my third flip.
Maybe a fourth depending on if my wife burns dinner tonight or not. - I'm ranked 2nd in the world at coin flipping... It was a real toss up for 1st place 😉
- If you're trying to get laid, just flip a coin... ... There's about 50% chance you get head.
Coin Flip Jokes
Here is a list of funny coin flip jokes and even better coin flip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the businessman buy a rusty coin? He wanted to flip it.
- Winner of the coin flip at Superbowl 50 announced earlier today. Hilary Clinton has decided to receive.
- Coin flip Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.
Gotta say it real fast right before you flip the coin. Emphasize heads and tails, de-emphasize win and lose, to anoint that it's easy to dismiss. - What do you call it when you flip a quarter and it lands on its edge. *coin*cidence
- Chuck Norris can flip a coin and make it land on both sides at the same time.
- I flipped a Communist coin It didn't land
- Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
- What drinking game is Hillary Clinton best at? Flip Cup (coin)
- Let's flip a coin If it lands on heads I win
If it lands on tails you lose - How to have a 50% chance of getting head. Flip a coin.
Old Coin Jokes
Here is a list of funny old coin jokes and even better old coin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill! Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.
- I found an old coin for my collection but can't identify it... ...seriously! I can't make heads, or tails of it!
- I went metal detecting in Germany hoping to find an old coin. I missed the mark though.
- What do you call someone who hoards old English coins? A guinea pig
- What is it called when the British compare their old coins? A farthing contest..
- Caught my 2 year old son chewing on a £1 coin. He has expensive taste.
- Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
- What kind of coin works at The cheesecake Factory. A penny.
Heard from a friend's 10-year-old son.
Coin Collecting Jokes
Here is a list of funny coin collecting jokes and even better coin collecting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I needed some change in my life So I decided to start a coin collection. I know it seems odd but it makes cents to me.
- I didn't realize how crazy my friend became until used his rare coin collection to buy lunch. He didn't have any common cents left.
- How much did the German, fistbump-loving, traditional baker charge for his coin collection? Pump per nickel.
- When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey,... you for sure know he is very _cappytalistic._
- Do you know why numismatists love Obama? Because they love collecting small change! (Coin collectors)
I'll see myself out! - Dave the dragon loved to collect shiny gold coins. It had 3 heads and 2 tails.
- Why does Mario collect coins? Trying to make a change :-/
- Coin collecting seems more popular in the bigger cities, whenever i visit one i always have people asking me "Sir, sir do you have any change?" Whatcha looking for fella a 1937 wheat penny??
Gather Around for Fun Coin Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about coin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coupon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coin pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... kid
A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Boy chokes on a coin
A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his t**.... His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. "Thank you so much, doctor!" the mother said.
"Oh, I'm not a doctor, ma'am," said the man. "I work for the IRS"
A mute man swallowed a coin by mistake
he was able to talk for a minute
penny scales
A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.
"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
He raised a pretty good question, actually.
A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"
Why was the sacajawea coin made?
because the Trail Of Tears had a toll booth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
na today be today
*An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can't, I will be your s**...! The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, Na today be today, go find am! .
My wife wasn't happy.
True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."
Football with a blonde girlfriend
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
What do you call a coin featuring the image of a spaceship and a rooster?
Badmintin'
(P.s. I'm sorry, this is terrible)
Two students are deciding whether to go to their lecture or the pool on a wonderful summer day...
The first says "How should we decide?"
The second says "How about a coin toss?"
"Sure, you can call it."
"Okay, if we toss the coin and it stays in the air, we'll go to the lecture."
It's no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?
Because the exit doors were coin operated.
A Blonde Takes a Test
The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.
When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"
She responds, "I was checking my answers."
What do you give a Greek man with a scratchcard?
A coin to scratch it with.
Coin toss
Little Johnny : I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I tossed a coin to decide whether I should attend class or go back to bed.
His Friend : So, what did you finally do?
Little Johnny : I had to toss 10 times before I could finally go back to bed.
How many coins I have in my pocket?
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
My goal in life is to get my face on a coin.
That way I can be the change I wish to see in the world.
Coining Money.
George Washington: We should put "We Trust In God" on our money.
Thomas Jefferson: Great idea! Did you get that?
Yoda: Yep
I work at a coin factory.
It just makes cents to me.
The Engineer's Trainee
So one day at a coin mint, an engineer who works there is taking a trainee for a tour and shows him how everything works. They approach the dollar-making machine. After explaining it, the Engineer says:
"Well, what do you think? Complicated?"
And the Trainee says:
"No, I completely understand it; it makes sense."
To which the Engineer replies:
"No, it makes dollars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales...
Why are coins not made from molybdenum?
Mo money, Mo problems.
What do you call it when you have 2 of the exact same coin?
A coin-cident.
A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...
and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."
"I want a dragon."
"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"
"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."
"...what color dragon do you want?"
A Jew goes up a ladder.
As he reaches the top a pound coin falls from his pocket.
He climbed down to retrieve it and the coin hit him on the head.
Obama gave me a coin with Jesus on it.
It was change I could believe in.
The Wishing Well
A man and his wife walk over to a wishing well, the man throws a coin in the well and makes his wish.
The woman goes and throws her coin in but leans to far over the well, falls in and dies.
The man exclaims "It Worked!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An american and a russian went to a bar
A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting
- BILL, BUFFALO BILL
A moment later the russian whips out three t**... and shouts:
- BILL, CHERNOBILL
How to start a revolution with change?
Just take a coin and give it a spin.
Someone threw a dollar coin at the mayor of Detroit
Police are trying to figure out if it's assault or a bailout package.
Why didn't the American like the British coin factory?
It made no cents.
I had surgery to become a 50p coin.
My father always said 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'
My little brother swallowed a coin and was to taken to the hospital
When I asked how he is doing, the nurse said "No change yet!"
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy walks into a bar.
He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three t**... and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".
I think my coins are rigged...
I'm never gettin' any head
A wealthy gentleman began to chat with a poor woman on the streets of 17th century London
He asked how many children she had.
Six, she answered.
Here is a sixpence for them, he responded, handing her a coin.
No, sir, she said proudly, I will not sell my children.
Ajit Pai sounds like..
Khajit, he only wants coin
It is amazing that a Bitcoin is worth $8600
Imagine how much a full coin would cost!
What do you call a Bitcoin that lost weight?
a lite coin
I'm not a fan of the new pound coin
but then again, I hate all change.
My crush is like a coin
Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head
When someone says, "I don't believe in coincidences"
I say, "Oh my God, me neither!"
My bit coin game is as good as my pull out game...
5 kids later
New coin is coming out that is worth 8 times more than bitcoin!
It's name is bytecoin!
Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?
It didn't make any cents!
Carpe Dime
Seize the coin.
Did you hear about the nickel and the penny that got fused together and is haunted?
The coin has the sixth cents
For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin
The one they can't see and the one they can't see either
I don't really understand the function of a coin press...
But I guess it makes cents.
I designed a coin making machine but I couldn't understand why it wasn't working
It just didn't make cents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend and I wanted to get a h**..., but we could only afford one h**... so we had to flip a coin...
Luckily I won the toss...
Why did the man decide to work at the coin mint?
It made cents
What do cryptocurrencies and pirates have in common?
Bit coin.
A korean couldn't find his coin, so basically ...
a korean lost a korean won
How can you tell if a coin is fresh?
You can still smell the mint
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whoever coined the term "wet nurse" missed a golden opportunity...
A cooler name would have been utili-t**....
I bought a coin press last week,
...but the manual is in another language. I hope it still makes cents
If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!
And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.
If Trump gets a coin every time he gets criticized
He would have built the wall using his own money.
My friend bought a used coin making machine
Him: "It doesn't work anymore, but I bought it anyway."
Me: "Why would you do that?? It doesn't make cents!"
Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...
On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.
Why did the man buy a coin printing machine?
It just made cents
Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...
Are you moved and impressed?
Coinkidink does not imply causalidink
That's all I've got, but 2 long island iced teas me thinks that is deeply, utterly hilarious. Back me up..?
How come coins are different from dollars?
Dollars don't make cents.
