Coin Jokes

168 coin jokes and hilarious coin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is full of hilarious coin jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing!

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Funniest Coin Short Jokes

Short coin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coin humour may include short currency jokes also.

  1. I can't stand homeless people Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.
  2. When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
  3. Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
  4. A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
  5. Why did Australia get all the criminals while America got all the puritans? >!Because Australia won the coin toss!<
  6. Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
  7. My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
    Heads or Tales.
  8. i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in
  9. I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife. But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
  10. I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in

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Coin One Liners

Which coin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coin? I can suggest the ones about wallet and coop.

  1. My son swallowed several coins the other day. I've definitely seen some change in him.
  2. Some weird German kid just gave me a gold coin. Thanks for the gold, strange kinder!
  3. What idiot coined the term ex-fiancé Instead of near-Mrs
  4. Almost all coins look the same This must be what we call a coincidence
  5. Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin? They're afraid of change.
  6. Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America? We're running out of common cents
  7. There is a coin shortage in America They are officially out of Common Cents
  8. People who work in coin factories sure are lucky. They make a lot of money.
  9. If I had a coin for every gender there is.. I'd have two coins.
  10. I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins. It just doesn't make cents.
  11. Change is hard So don't throw coins.
  12. A new £1 coin is being released in the UK today... ...I don't like change.
  13. Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store? He couldn't tolerate change.
  14. Pickup line: If I flip a coin.... What are the chances of me getting head? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  15. I should write small jokes on a handful of coins I will call them "cents of humor"

Flip A Coin Jokes

Here is a list of funny flip a coin jokes and even better flip a coin puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.
  • Coin flipping contests are rigged! Just a heads up.
  • My friend and I were betting on a coin. I asked my friend to give me a heads-up before he flipped it.
  • A magic coin I have a magic coin that whenever flipped lands on its side.
    I can't make heads nor tails of it.
  • Pre-2000s, gender was like flipping a coin. Now it's like rolling a DnD dice.
  • Whenever I'm out drinking I flip a coin If it lands on heads, I get another drink, if it lands on tails, I flip the coin again
  • Genders I couldn't decide what gender I should be today, so I flipped a coin...
    *flips a coin*
    Wait a minute, how many sides does a coin have...?
  • Marriage is like flipping a coin, there's a 50% chance of success or failure. I'm on my third flip.
    Maybe a fourth depending on if my wife burns dinner tonight or not.
  • I'm ranked 2nd in the world at coin flipping... It was a real toss up for 1st place 😉
  • If you're trying to get laid, just flip a coin... ... There's about 50% chance you get head.

Coin Flip Jokes

Here is a list of funny coin flip jokes and even better coin flip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the businessman buy a rusty coin? He wanted to flip it.
  • Winner of the coin flip at Superbowl 50 announced earlier today. Hilary Clinton has decided to receive.
  • Coin flip Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.
    Gotta say it real fast right before you flip the coin. Emphasize heads and tails, de-emphasize win and lose, to anoint that it's easy to dismiss.
  • What do you call it when you flip a quarter and it lands on its edge. *coin*cidence
  • Chuck Norris can pick "side" when flipping a coin.
  • Chuck Norris can flip a coin and make it land on both sides at the same time.
  • Yo mama so ugly, her parents flipped a coin to see who had to kiss her good night.
  • I flipped a Communist coin It didn't land
  • Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
  • What drinking game is Hillary Clinton best at? Flip Cup (coin)
Coin joke, What drinking game is Hillary Clinton best at?

Old Coin Jokes

Here is a list of funny old coin jokes and even better old coin puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins. I ran in to tell my wife.
    Then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
  • I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill! Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.
  • I found an old coin for my collection but can't identify it... ...seriously! I can't make heads, or tails of it!
  • I was digging up our garden when I found a box full of old rare coins. I was really excited so I ran inside to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging up our garden.
  • I went metal detecting in Germany hoping to find an old coin. I missed the mark though.
  • What do you call someone who hoards old English coins? A guinea pig
  • What is it called when the British compare their old coins? A farthing contest..
  • Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins? I've been waiting for change for too long.
  • Caught my 2 year old son chewing on a £1 coin. He has expensive taste.
  • I found a strange old coin with the faces worn away... I can't make heads or tails of it.

Coin Collecting Jokes

Here is a list of funny coin collecting jokes and even better coin collecting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I needed some change in my life So I decided to start a coin collection. I know it seems odd but it makes cents to me.
  • I didn't realize how crazy my friend became until used his rare coin collection to buy lunch. He didn't have any common cents left.
  • How much did the German, fistbump-loving, traditional baker charge for his coin collection? Pump per nickel.
  • When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey,... you for sure know he is very _cappytalistic._
  • Do you know why numismatists love Obama? Because they love collecting small change! (Coin collectors)
    I'll see myself out!
  • Dave the dragon loved to collect shiny gold coins. It had 3 heads and 2 tails.
  • Why does Mario collect coins? Trying to make a change :-/
  • Coin collecting seems more popular in the bigger cities, whenever i visit one i always have people asking me "Sir, sir do you have any change?" Whatcha looking for fella a 1937 wheat penny??
Coin joke, Coin collecting seems more popular in the bigger cities, whenever i visit one i always have people a

Gather Around for Fun Coin Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about coin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coupon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coin pranks.

s**... kid

A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

A Boy chokes on a coin

A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his t**.... His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. "Thank you so much, doctor!" the mother said.
"Oh, I'm not a doctor, ma'am," said the man. "I work for the IRS"

A mute man swallowed a coin by mistake

he was able to talk for a minute

penny scales

A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.
"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

Why was the sacajawea coin made?

because the Trail Of Tears had a toll booth.

How do you tell if someone is jewish at a football game?

They leave after the coin toss

na today be today

*An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can't, I will be your s**...! The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, Na today be today, go find am! .

My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."

Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

What do you call a coin featuring the image of a spaceship and a rooster?

(P.s. I'm sorry, this is terrible)

Two students are deciding whether to go to their lecture or the pool on a wonderful summer day...

The first says "How should we decide?"
The second says "How about a coin toss?"
"Sure, you can call it."
"Okay, if we toss the coin and it stays in the air, we'll go to the lecture."

It's no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk.

Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?

Because the exit doors were coin operated.

A Blonde Takes a Test

The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.
When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"
She responds, "I was checking my answers."

How many coins I have in my pocket?

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

My goal in life is to get my face on a coin.

That way I can be the change I wish to see in the world.

Coining Money.

George Washington: We should put "We Trust In God" on our money.
Thomas Jefferson: Great idea! Did you get that?
Yoda: Yep

I work at a coin factory.

It just makes cents to me.

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales...

Why are coins not made from molybdenum?

Mo money, Mo problems.

A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."
"I want a dragon."
"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"
"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."
"...what color dragon do you want?"

A Rabbi had been saving f**...

He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his f**... collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.

A Jew goes up a ladder.

As he reaches the top a pound coin falls from his pocket.
He climbed down to retrieve it and the coin hit him on the head.

Obama gave me a coin with Jesus on it.

It was change I could believe in.

The Wishing Well

A man and his wife walk over to a wishing well, the man throws a coin in the well and makes his wish.
The woman goes and throws her coin in but leans to far over the well, falls in and dies.
The man exclaims "It Worked!"

An american and a russian went to a bar

A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting
A moment later the russian whips out three t**... and shouts:

A divorced couple standing in court over a child custody, the mother makes her claim and says: "I had him in my w**... for 9 months, so he is mine"

The judge turns to the father and asks: "and what is your claim?"
The man, smiling, says calmly: "Your honour, when I put a coin in the vending machine, the coke that comes out is mine or the machine's?"

How to start a revolution with change?

Just take a coin and give it a spin.

Someone threw a dollar coin at the mayor of Detroit

Police are trying to figure out if it's assault or a bailout package.

Why didn't the American like the British coin factory?

It made no cents.

I had surgery to become a 50p coin.

My father always said 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'

My little brother swallowed a coin and was to taken to the hospital

When I asked how he is doing, the nurse said "No change yet!"

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.

When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

A cowboy walks into a bar.

He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three t**... and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".

I think my coins are rigged...

I'm never gettin' any head

A man accidentally swallows a coin

He is then admitted to the hospital, when his friend comes to check on him he asks the nurse on any updates.
The nurse says: "No change yet."

A wealthy gentleman began to chat with a poor woman on the streets of 17th century London

He asked how many children she had.
Six, she answered.
Here is a sixpence for them, he responded, handing her a coin.
No, sir, she said proudly, I will not sell my children.

Ajit Pai sounds like..

Khajit, he only wants coin

It is amazing that a Bitcoin is worth $8600

Imagine how much a full coin would cost!

I'm not a fan of the new pound coin

but then again, I hate all change.

My crush is like a coin

Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head

When someone says, "I don't believe in coincidences"

I say, "Oh my God, me neither!"

My bit coin game is as good as my pull out game...

5 kids later

New coin is coming out that is worth 8 times more than bitcoin!

It's name is bytecoin!

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn't make any cents!

Carpe Dime

Seize the coin.

Did you hear about the nickel and the penny that got fused together and is haunted?

The coin has the sixth cents

For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin

The one they can't see and the one they can't see either

I don't really understand the function of a coin press...

But I guess it makes cents.

I designed a coin making machine but I couldn't understand why it wasn't working

It just didn't make cents

A friend and I wanted to get a h**..., but we could only afford one h**... so we had to flip a coin...

Luckily I won the toss...

Why did the man decide to work at the coin mint?

It made cents

a blonde at a vending machine

A blonde comes to a vending machine, then she inserts a coin inside. She pushes a button and the vending machine releases a drink. The blonde puts the drink at the top of the vending machine, inserts a coin again, presses the button again and places another drink at the top. After this happens several times another person says to the blonde:
"Madam, there are several other people waiting for a drink."
The blonde replies: "Shhh! Can't you see I am WINNING now?"

A korean couldn't find his coin, so basically ...

a korean lost a korean won

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

Whoever coined the term "wet nurse" missed a golden opportunity...

A cooler name would have been utili-t**....

*coins falling from the sky*

Me: what is this?
Climate: change

I bought a coin press last week,

...but the manual is in another language. I hope it still makes cents

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

If Trump gets a coin every time he gets criticized

He would have built the wall using his own money.

Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...

On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.

Why did the man buy a coin printing machine?

It just made cents

Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...

Are you moved and impressed?

In court, a woman asks for custody of her daughter.

Woman claims that she gone through pain by giving birth to her daughter to bring her to this world therefore she should obtain the custody.
Then the judge asks the man for an argument why he should obtain the custody of his daughter.
The man said: "Judge, if you insert a coin into a vending machine and get a bottle of Coke, to whom does the bottle belongs?
Vending machines or yours?

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"

100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.
Stranger: What is your name, sad lady
Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat
Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.

What do police budgets and children's coin holders have in common?

Both are piggy banks

Coin joke, What do police budgets and children's coin holders have in common?

jokes about coin