Cohen Jokes

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

Manafort and Cohen flip on the President. Trump is convicted of treason. He is 'hung by the neck until dead.' Miraculously, minutes after his hanging, he walks out of the gallows and addresses the press:

"Fake noose, folks."

Confession

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"

Just gonna say...

Number of times Leonard Cohen died before Trump was elected - 0

Number of times after - 1

Draw your own conclusions...

I'm glad I got to see Leonard Cohen before he died...

It would have been really weird if I'd seen him after.

Why can't Sacha Baron Cohen eat nuts?

Because of his Ali G

Father Sullivan and Rabbi Cohen were sitting on a park bench discussing the differences and similarities of their respective religions.

After some time, a young boy rode by on a bicycle. Father Sullivan leaned over and whispered to Rabbi Cohen, wow look that kid, I'd really like to screw him.

To which Rabbi Cohen replied, what do you mean 'screw him'? Screw him out of WHAT?

An Israeli lands in New Delhi Airport. Reaches the passport control

-Name?
-David Cohen
-Age?
-32
-Occupation?
-No, just sightseeing... For now

Who is Sean Hannity's Favorite Movie Director?

The Cohen Brother.

Did you hear that the President's lawyer is going to prison?

He ain't Cohen nowhere.

On his first day in prison, Michael Cohen should walk up to the biggest guy in the whole yard

and offer to pay him $130,000.

Sacha Baron Cohen has released a new film about a man that gets hay fever whenever he goes home.

"Allergies In Da House" is coming soon.

Don't be so hard on Cohen.

After all, he only had a law 'practice'.

In unexpected twist attorney Michael Cohen is suing his Michael Cohen for breach of a confidentiality agreement.