Coffin Jokes
170 coffin jokes and hilarious coffin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coffin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of coffin jokes. From the clever to the dark, these jokes are sure to get a rise out of you.
Quick Jump To
- Short Coffin Jokes
- Coffin One Liners
- Glass Coffin Jokes
- Vampire Coffin Jokes
- Coffin Halloween Jokes
- Coffin Dance Jokes
- More Coffin Jokes
Funniest Coffin Short Jokes
Short coffin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coffin humour may include short casket jokes also.
- My 7 year old daughter came up with this one (I trained her well). Why did the doctor make an emergency call to the graveyard? Because all the coffin.
- When the inventor of the USB dies... they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
- A guy stopped me on the street today and tried to sell me a coffin... I said "That's the last thing I need"
- The inventor of the USB died. They lowered his coffin, raised it back out, flipped it over, lowered it again, raised it back out, flipped it over again, then lowered him again.
- After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says... "I look forward to seeing you in it".
So for his birthday I bought him a coffin. - When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground.. ..take it out, flip it over and lower again.
- The guy who invented the USB connector died... They lowered the coffin into his grave.
Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again. - A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. "Her star sign was cancer you know" he says. " I guess it's ironic..." "That she was killed by a giant crab."
- My buddy drowned the other day I placed a life jacket in his coffin
It's what he would've wanted - A guy died and his three friends all owed him $100 each 1st and 2nd friends both put $100 on his coffin and declared repayment even in death. 3rd guy wrote a check for $300 and took the $200 change.
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Coffin One Liners
Which coffin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coffin? I can suggest the ones about cemetery and corpse.
- Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
- A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him, that's the last thing I need.
- Why would glass coffins be popular? Remains to be seen.
- Will glass coffins become a thing? ... Remains to be seen.
- Don't vaccinate your kids... Smaller coffins cost less than bigger ones.
- How many nails are there in a lesbian's coffin? None. It is all tongue and groove
- Will transparent coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
- Why did the graveyard get a COVID test? Because of all the coffin.
- Remains to be seen... ...if glass coffins become popular.
- Glass coffins - will they catch on? Remains to be seen!
- Will clear acrylic coffins become popular one day? Remains to be seen
- Will glass coffins be the next years big thing? Remains to be seen.
- Will glass coffins be popular in future? Remains to be seen.
- I was alone at a cemetery when I heard a weird noise Someone was coffin.
- Selling coffins must be a hard job. It's the last thing any of us need.
Glass Coffin Jokes
Here is a list of funny glass coffin jokes and even better glass coffin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Will glass coffins ever be used? Remains to be seen...
- Glass coffins will they be popular? Remains to be seen!
- I've started a glass coffin manufacturing business. My friend asked me if I thought it would be successful. I replied "remains to be seen".
- Will glass coffins ever become popular? I guess it remains to be seen.
- Will glass coffins be a success..... .....remains to be seen.
- My glass coffin company "Remains to be Seen" isn't doing very well. It's an original idea, isn't it?
- will glass coffins be created? remains to be seen
- New design of glass coffins to help relatives come to terms with their loss. Remains to be seen.
- Could glass coffin be a thing of the future ? Remains to be seen.
- What did the financial adviser say to his client asking about if glass coffins were a good investment? "It's remains to be seen."
Vampire Coffin Jokes
Here is a list of funny vampire coffin jokes and even better vampire coffin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did one vampire give COVID to the other one? By coffin on him!
Happy Halloween :) - How do you know if a vampire has COVID? He's coffin
- How do you know a vampire is sick? He coffin
- How can you tell vampirism is a disease? On account of the coffin.
- How did one vampire give COVID to the other? By coffin on him!
- How can you tell if a vampire has a horrible cold? by his deep loud coffin! ☺
- How did the vampire know he was sick? He was coffin
- How to you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin
- Why do people think Vampires have Coronavirus? Because they're always coffin.
- Why was the vampire quarantined? Because he was coffin
Coffin Halloween Jokes
Here is a list of funny coffin halloween jokes and even better coffin halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's going to be the scariest Halloween decoration this year? Coffin
- A late halloween joke What did one cemetery say to the one that was sick?
Hey man are you ok? I can see you're coffin.
(Ugh kill me now) - Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.
Coffin Dance Jokes
Here is a list of funny coffin dance jokes and even better coffin dance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Knock knock Who's there?
Ash
Ash who?
\*Coffin Dance\*
Laughable Coffin Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about coffin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tomb jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coffin pranks.
What would Princess Diana be doing if she was alive today?
She would be frantically scratching at the roof of her coffin.
What would elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?
Scratching at the inside of his coffin.
A great cardiologist is being buried.
All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a f**... and he responds "I was picturing my f**... because I'm a gynecologist".
Wanna buy a coffin?!
So a guy comes up to me the other day and asked if I wanted to buy a coffin and I said "That's the last thing I'll ever need."
Cardiologist
A heart surgeon had died and at his funural the coffin was placed above a heart made of flowers. After everyone had said goodbye the coffin was lowered into the heart, during which someone began laughing really loud. 'What is wrong with you?' the person sitting next to the laughing man asked. 'I just thought of my own funural' he replied. 'What's so funny about that?' Still chuckling the man answered: 'Well, you see, I'm a gynaecologist'.
George Washington Today
What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?
Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.
Did you hear that the World Hokey Pokey Champion has died?
At the undertakers, they were putting him into the coffin. They got his left leg in. That's when the trouble started...
Morbid Humor
What did one casket say to the other casket?
Was that you coffin?
What's the difference between a c**... and a coffin?
Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.
What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?!
Scratching at the inside of her coffin.
Courtesy of my dad.
The f**...
One day a man dies and in his will, he leaves $300,000 to his stock broker, financial adviser and his lawyer, each one receiving $100,000. In the will he also states that he wants all 3 of them to to leave half of the money they received ($50,000) in his coffin after the f**....
The day of the f**... comes and each man approaches the coffin to do what was asked of them and once they're all done, they meet up at the bar.
After a few drinks, the stock broker speaks up "I gotta be honest with you guys. I only left $10,000 in the coffin. But I mean, it's not like he'll be able to spend it, right?"
To which the financial adviser admits "Hey, don't feel bad. I only left $5,000 in the coffin. I mean, is he really expecting us to throw away that much money?"
At which point the lawyer speaks up and says in a disapproving tone "I can't believe you guys would be so greedy! I'll have you know I left a check for the full $50,000 in his coffin like he asked!"
This will probably get buried. . .
It's a coffin.
What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive right now?
Probably clawing at the inside of his coffin.
The inventor of t**... lozenges has died.
There will be no coffin at his f**....
Why did the inventor of t**... lozenges choose to be cremated?
So there wouldn't be any coffin.
The f**...
A f**... procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman.
"Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife.
The founder of strepsils died this week
There will be no coffin at the f**...
I'm surprised Apple didn't name their new stylus the Apple Nail so they could put it in Steve Job's coffin
A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin
...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.
What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?
They both take away the coffin.
A man walking in the street sees a coffin bouncing toward him
Terrified, he runs away, between cars, through front yards, nothing works
Finally, he runs into a pharmacy, and out of desperation throws a bottle of cough syrup at it
Only then does the coffin' stop
Why don't dead people sneeze?
Because they're too busy coffin.
I think if Abraham Lincoln were alive today...
He would probably look around, scream, and then desperately claw at the inside of his coffin.
The guy who invented t**... lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the f**...
It was my dad's f**... last week.
We all walk into the chapel and there's a huge floral arrangement on the coffin that says: 81.131.11.216
My mother hisses to me, What is *that*?
I shrugged. What you asked for: our IP in flowers.
Old man dies
In his f**..., the priest starts to speak and pays homage to the deceased: "He was a loving man, a devout Christian, a good husband, he raised two wonderful sons..."
The widow turns to her son and tells him discretly: "Go up there take a look at the coffin and make sure it's your dad."
My friend Tommy drowned the other day...
At his f**..., we placed a lifejacket on his coffin.
It's what he would have wanted...
Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.
Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
Someone rang me up today and tried to sell me a coffin.
I said that's the last thing I need.
A salesman tried to sell me a coffin today.
So I looked the guy right in the eyes and told him "That's the last thing I need."
My friend Tim drowned, so we put a lifevest on his coffin.
It's what he would have wanted.
My wife got very upset at the f**... the other day, wailing and thumping the coffin with her fists
And Jeeeeez, you should've heard her when she went in the furnace.
Why was the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
I went to the f**... of the man who invented the t**... lozenge.
There was no coffin.
What happened at the f**... of the man who invented the USB?
They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.
A grave digger...
A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.
The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.
The grave digger hits the coffin.
The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.
The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"
Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."
I saw six men carrying a coffin in the cemetery. Two hours later they were still carrying the coffin around the cemetery
I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"
I recently attended a f**...
And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"
If Abraham Lincoln was alive today...
He'd be desperately clawing at the lid of his coffin.
The inventor of the Big Mac died the other day....
His family ordered the most lavish coffin they could find in the brochure, but were extremely disappointed when it turned out to be nothing like the picture.
Someone tried to sell me a coffin today...
I told them its the last thing I need.
The guy who invented t**... lozenges just died...
I heard there will be no coffin at his f**....
If George Washington were alive today...
he'd be clawing at the inside of his coffin and screaming incoherently.
""When I die, I'd like you to lower the coffin into the grave...
... so you can let me down one last time."
I was at the inventor of the USB stick's f**... yesterday.....
They lowered his coffin into the ground, then raised it back up, turned it around, and lowered it back down again.
What made the hearse horse hoarse?
The Coffin
My friend just offered to buy me a coffin
i told him that's the last thing i'll need
A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his f**.... A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.
I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own f**....
What's so funny about that?
I'm a gynecologist.
If Paul Walker was alive right now, I bet he would be
Frantically scratching at the inside of his coffin.
An old man is about to die.
While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.
One week later the old man dies.
At his f**... the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.
The Cardiologist's f**...
A renowned cardiologist passed away, and all his friends from the same hospital attended his f**.... In order to pay tribute to his profession and his passion, he was buried in a coffin shaped like a heart.
After the service, it was noticed that one of the doctors was smiling. When asked why, he said "Oh, I'm just imagining my own f**.... I'm a gynecologist, you see."
Ralphie May....
Or may not fit in the coffin.
If Elvis was alive, what would he being doing today?
Screaming, clawing, and b**... on the inside of his coffin.
If George Washington was alive today, he'd probably say
Why am I in a coffin?
I was driving along the road and I saw a coffin on the curb with a sign that said "FREE"
I thought to myself, "this is the last thing I need."
How do you turn the light on after s**...?
You open the coffin lid.
What's the similarity between a coffin and a c**...?
You put a stiff one in both.
When I die, I want all my exes to carry my coffin to the grave
So that they can let me down one last time
A woman is sitting at a f**..., for her husband.
A man then asks "do you mind if I say a word?"
The woman replies "No, go ahead"
The man makes his way to the front at the head of the coffin, clears his t**... and says "plethora" before returning to his seat.
"Thank you" says the woman. "That means a lot."
What would Princess Diana be doing if she was alive today?
Shouting "Get me out of this coffin!"
Why do people with asthma prefer to be cremated when they die?
Because they hate coffin.
The guy who invented strepsils died..
There was no coffin at the f**...
Why did the doctor suspect Dracula may have a breathing problem?
Because of his coffin.
Necrophilia
.... the last nail in the coffin.
What would mlk do if he were alive today?
Scream and claw at the top of his coffin.
An archeologist finds three coffins. The first two have ornate drawing of a person covering each of their front sides. The third one, however, possessed only a primitive sort of stick figure. Who did the archeologist think was buried in the last coffin?
The coffin painter
My uncle complained to me that I never visited him and that the next time I saw him he would be in a coffin.
Jokes on him.
He was in an urn.
What gets heavier as it gets smaller?
A coffin.
The creator of the USB flash drive died today.
He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.
A poem for our times...
It's not the cough that carries you off. It's the coffin they carry you off in.
