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Coffee Shop Jokes

111 coffee shop jokes and hilarious coffee shop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coffee shop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Coffee Shop Short Jokes

Short coffee shop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coffee shop humour may include short cafe jokes also.

  1. I stopped at a coffee shop in Glasgow When I approached the barista, I ordered a latte with oat milk.
    Stunned and confused, the barista tells me, we cannae make a latte withoat milk
  2. Why do you always burn your tongue on coffee from the new Hipster coffee shop? Because you were drinking it before it was cool.
  3. What is the difference between a coffee shop and a brothel? My girlfriend never asks for a large black at the coffee shop.
  4. When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop. He was known as the pasta barista baby.
  5. I went to a coffee shop. They had some great looking cakes. I pointed to a cake and asked the waiter:
    "Is this gluten free?"

    He replied:

    "No, it costs money!"
  6. A hipster coffee shop would be a terrible idea. Everyone would burn their tongues because they would drink the coffee before it was cool.
  7. I was working at a coffee shop, and a priest asked if I have any whole milk I said "forgive me father, for I have skim"
  8. A man walks into a cafe A man walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go
    The coffee gets up and walks away.
    (Can't take credit for this, read it on a coffee shop window)
  9. A women stopped me in the coffee shop the other day claiming she met me through a vegetarian-only dating website... but I had never met herbivore.
  10. I visited a coffee shop where the password was "wedonthavewifi". It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.

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Coffee Shop One Liners

Which coffee shop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coffee shop? I can suggest the ones about corner shop and coffee break.

  1. What does a Jew do at a coffee shop? Hebrew's coffee
  2. My Jewish friend is going to open a coffee shop. Suggested he name it Hebrew.
  3. What do you get when you cross a Jew and a coffee shop? Hebrews
  4. I quit my job as a coffee shop manager The daily grind was just too much
  5. What are coffee shops in Russia called? Tsarbucks.
  6. What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common? Baristas
  7. I first met my wife at our favorite coffee shop We found ourselves on common grounds
  8. I'm gonna open a Jewish coffee shop It's called Hebrews it.
  9. Why did the Jewish guy open up a coffee shop? Cuz he brews!!
  10. Why did the cops hang out at the coffee shop? In case somebody got mugged.
  11. My Wife Just Started Working At A Coffee Shop Not for the money, for the percs.
  12. So i just started a coffee shop in baghdad... ...and business is BOOMING!!
  13. What do you call a coffee shop where drug deals go down? The trappé!
  14. Why did the Jew start a coffee shop? Because hebrews.
  15. What's Stalin's favourite coffee shop? Tzarbucks.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about coffee shop can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of coffee shop puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Coffee Shop Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about coffee shop you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean flower shop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make coffee shop prank.

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.


One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!

A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat.


"Excuse me sir but are you a real cowboy?"
The man says, "Well I have a ranch and horses. I go to rodeos and raise cattle and other livestock, so yes I suppose I'm a real cowboy."
The woman says, "Well I think I'm a l*sbian. Women are always on my mind whether I'm working eating driving or whatever its still the same. I cant get women off my mind. Yes I think I'm a l*sbian."
The young woman gets up and leaves the coffee shop.
A short time later a young guy comes in and sits down next to the man and asks him, "Sir are you a real cowboy?" To that the man replies, "Well I always thought I was, but just a few minutes ago I found out I'm a l*sbian!"

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "

Marc, with a C."
Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

Conveyor Belt

A man was shopping at his local supermarket where he selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
He unloaded his items on the conveyor belt to check out, and the cashier said "You must be single."
The young man was a bit startled by this proclamation,
but he was intrigued by the check-out girl's intuition, since he was indeed single. He looked at his six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about his selections that could have tipped off the cashier.
Curiosity getting the better of him, he said "Well, you
know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The cashier replied, "Cause you're ugly."

I wen't shopping with the wife today...

We nipped into Costa for a coffee, They've got an offer on, free coffee for anyone with a moustache for 'Movember'... Lucky cow I had to pay for mine!.

(A Polish joke told to me by my Polish mother) - A Caucasian man walks into a coffee shop and a woman politely says, "How may I help you?" The man replies, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women...light and sweet"...

A black man orders next. He says, "Ill take my coffee like I like my women, dark and sweet." A Polish man then walks up to the counter to order. Before he says a word, the woman working the counter politely says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any fat and ugly coffee here."

A woman shopping at her local mart where....................

................................she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"

the barista at my coffee shop talked me into trying a funky new coffee.

I took a drink and told her it tasted like dirt and she said, "well that's cuz it's fresh ground."

Nelson and Deepak, both engineering students, happen to be close friends.

One day, while sitting in a coffee shop, Deepak asks Nelson, "How's it going with your girlfriend?"
Nelson: Ooh, I forgot to tell you, she came to my house yesterday.
Deepak: What happened?
Nelson: Well, I put on some music, and we danced.
Deepak: Then what happened?
Nelson: As we were dancing, we kissed.
Deepak: And? Keep going.
Nelson: I picked her up in my arms and sat her on the table next to my new laptop.
Deepak: You got a new laptop?
Nelson: Yeah, just last week. My parents got it for me.
Deepak: Wow! What configuration?
Nelson: 750 GigaByte drive, 6 Gigs of RAM, 3 GHz processor...
Deepak: HDMI port?
Nelson: Oh yeah.
Deepak: Blu-ray burner?
Nelson: You know it.
Deepak: Awesome man!

A man walks into a coffee shop...

A man walks into a coffee shop and asks
"I'll have a ztsherkmflurgchtrokzykk with two sugars."
Surprised, the barista answers:
"A ztsherkmflurgchtrokzykk with two *what*?!"

What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans?

"That's grounds for divorce!"

You must be single...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."

A blond goes to Target

A blonde was shopping at Target &
came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took
it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....
It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!'
So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk.
'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos.... It keeps hot things hot & cold things
cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blonde replied......
'Two popsicles & some coffee.'

I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music...

and call it Brian Beano.

Hot and Cold

An old man goes into a shop one day to look around. He goes to the counter and sees an item up on shelf he's never seen before. He's asks the girl who's running the cash register, "What's that new item there on the shelf?"
"It's a thermos," she said. "It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold."
"I'll take one to try then!" The old man says.
The next day, the old man brings the thermos to work, and his buddy comes up to him and asks, "Whatcha got there?"
The old man responds, "It's a thermos."
"Well, what does it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold," the old man chimes back.
Finally, his friend asks, "So, what do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle."

So I hear there is a rule about not ending sentences with a preposition.

A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern belle sat down next to her.
'Where y'all goin' to?' asked the Southern belle.
Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied 'I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions'.
The Southern belle thought a moment, and tried again. 'Where y'all goin' to, b**...?'

why do coffee shop's always kick out pregnant jewish women ?

they don't want the tip!

To be a hipster is to live in constant suffering

You spend all your time in coffee shops, but you always have to drink your coffee before it's cool.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of 2%milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice,a head of romaine lettuce, a two pound can of coffee, and a one pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, " Cause you're ugly."

A coffee shop opened up inside a s**... club

Its name is "Grinds for Divorce"

Coffee With No Cream

A guy walks into a coffee shop.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream?
Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?

An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop...

The barista asked what he wants, and he replies "Affogato".

How do you find the PC user in the coffee shop?

Follow the power cord.

UCLA opened a new campus coffee shop

It's called "Brewins"

A surface topologist sits in a coffee shop thinking deeply about his research...

he takes a sip from his doughnut.

I'm starting a comedy troupe that wears masks and does improvised sketches in coffee shops

It's called Commedia de Lattè

My boss was going to fire me over breakfast this morning but the coffee shop was closed.

There were no grounds for dismissal.

Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on.

The barista looked over and said, "Well, essay chai tea happens."

I work at a coffee shop WARNING* Dad joke

I work at a coffee shop. They pays not great, but the job itself has some pretty good perks.

I contacted and arranged for a meet with an undercover FBI agent to show my skills in deduction and reasoning..

Unfortunately,a 14 yr old girl showed up at the coffee shop

A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee

A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee, no laptop, no tablet or no phone, he just sits there, like a psychopath ..........

I was in a coffee shop when something exploded and came really close to severing my head.

I said, "Wow! I was almost decaffeinated!"

Not sure about this blonde moment...

Overheard at a coffee shop...
"... and the 3rd mistake was that he did it in the 1st place..."

Why did the law student get a job at the coffee shop?

He wanted on the job experience as a barrister

A man walks into a coffee shop

Cashier: congratulations, you are our thousandth customer! Enjoy this complimentary bagel.
Man: hey thanks!
Cashier: of course, and it's only two dollars!
Man: i thought you said it was complimentary?
Cashier: it is
Bagel: you have beautiful eyes

Judge: I'm sentencing you to an evening of grocery shopping. Don't forget the coffee.

Husband: You don't have grounds for that.

I decided to go to a coffee shop today

The barista behind the counter said that I should try a new but expensive brew of coffee. It was $9 but I decided to try it. I took a sip of the beverage, and almost instantly spat it out.
"Wha... This tastes like mud!" I shouted at the barista.
He turned and smiled. "It should. It was fresh ground this morning!"

David Beckham is out shopping one day.. (Old)

He spots a tall, cylindrical silver thing. He asks a shop assistant what it is; "It's a Thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" replies the assistant.
So David buys it. On arriving home, Victoria asks what he's
got there. "It's a Thermos flask, keeps 'ot fings 'ot an cold fings cold."
"Great," replies Victoria, " you can take that to training with you, show the lads."
So David takes it along to the England Camp the next day.
The players ask him what he has there, "A Thermos flask, keeps 'ot fings 'ot an cold fings cold"
"Zo vot have you got in it David?" asks Sven.
"A cup of coffee an a choc ice" he replies.

TIL about Kopi Luwak, an expensive coffee made from partially digested coffee cherries defecated by the Asian palm civet.

Imagine the barista's face when you go to the coffee shop then ask for a crappuccino.

What would you name a coffee shop in a f**... home?

Grim Horton's

I wanted to chat-up the girl serving in the coffee shop, so I looked at her name badge and said:

"That's a beautiful name... Trainee"

A mexican walks into a french coffee shop

Barista: How would you like your coffee?
Mexican: au lait.

p**... the Bear

p**... is out around town doing a bit of shopping, in one particular store he spots something shiny behind the counter and says to the assistant "What's that thing there?"
"Its a thermos flask" says the assistant.
"What does it do?" p**... asks.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, sir" She replies.
p**... buys the thermos flask and takes it to work the next day. At lunch time he sits down and takes it out of his rucksack.
"What's that thing?" m**... asks.
"Its a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" p**... says.
"Is that so? What've got in it?" Asks m**....
p**... says "Two cups of coffee and an ice cream"

A topologist walks into a coffee shop.

He orders a coffee and a donut. When he receives his order, he looks at the employee quizzically and asks, "What is this? I didn't order two of the same thing!"

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Mathew McConaughey are in a coffee shop to discuss a new movie:

Clooney: I'll direct.
DiCaprio: I'll act.
McConaughey: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

Two old ladies were talking in a coffee shop.

Agnes, you have a suppository in your ear.
**Agnes**: So *that's* where my hearing aide went.

A guy walks into a coffee shop and asks if they have cold coffee

"Sorry we only serve hot coffee", Replies the owner.
So the guy walks away and comes back the next day and asks the same thing again, but they still didn't have any.
So the owner decided to make a cup of coffee early in the morning so it would be cold when the guy shows up.
"Do you have cold coffee ?"
"Yes sir , we do"
"Oh nice. I'll have that please"
The owner smiles and as he puts the cup of cold coffee on the counter the guy says "Oh, and could you heat it up for me please ?"

A guy was drinking coffee in a coffee shop

He had no laptop, no smartphone, no Ipad. Doing nothing but just enjoying a coffee.. what a psychopath.

A camel Goes into the coffee shop

The barista, about to add the sugar asks, "one lump or two?"

A group wearing tuxedos were sat down in a coffee shop, when a car suddenly smashed through the shop front.

Thankfully there were no casual teas

A man walks into a coffee shop and asks for a latte. Having never seen the word before, he mistakenly pronounces it "la tea".

The barista replies, "Sorry, my musical knowledge only goes so fa".

Marc, with a C I said to the person at the coffee shop register.

Cark is what they wrote on the cup.

What do you call a progressive coffee shop?

Stay Woke

If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say freelance in an independent coffee shop...

I have no idea how much money I would have, but it would definitely be more than a freelancer.

A loud f**... is heard, and everyone in the coffee shop is subjected to a putrid stench

A guy then approaches a gay man, and angrily accuses "I know you're the person who f**...."
Insulted by the accusation, the gay man defends himself.
"I did not! You're accusing me just because I'm gay; you homophobic pig." the gay man retorts.
The man yells back, "Pig? Your c**... hit my face!"

Coffee Shop

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my b**... trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.

I'm starting up a local coffee shop and marketing it as an Ashley Madison meetup spot.

I'm calling it Grounds for Divorce.

Due to social distancing, only six of the seven dwarfs can meet at their favorite coffee shop.

One of them isn't Happy.

A man walks into a coffee shop

And orders a shot of espresso with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. When he receives his order, he's dismayed to find only a shot of espresso.
"Hey!" he asks the barista, "why didn't you add the ice cream?"
"Sorry sir" he says, "affagato."

A man walks into a coffee shop

Cashier: Congratulations! You are our 10,000th customer. Enjoy this complimentary bagel.
Man: Gee, thanks!
Cashier: That will be £2.50 please. Cash or card?
Man: I thought you said it was complimentary...
Bagel: You have a beautiful smile

An old man is talking to his grandson about how things were cheaper when he was a boy

He said that when he was a boy he could walk into a shop with £5 and walk out with a loaf of bread and milk coffee a tub of butter some bacon a pack of cigarettes and a news paper. The boy said that's amazing can I do that. The old man said no. You can't do that nowadays there are too many security cameras.

2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop...

One lady whispers 'I'm getting a b**... job'
2nd lady: 'That's nothing, I'm getting my assh\*le bleached'
1st lady says: 'Really? I can't imagine your husband as a blonde'

jokes about coffee shop

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these coffee shop jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.