Coffee Cup Jokes
98 coffee cup jokes and hilarious coffee cup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coffee cup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Coffee Cup Short Jokes
Short coffee cup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coffee cup humour may include short coffee mug jokes also.
- My sister made me some coffee today Me: You make a mean cup of coffee, sis
Her: It was good?
Me: I just said it was average. - I was drinking coffee in my pyjamas this morning and I thought: "I really should have bought some cups".
- Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
- "Doctor, Every time I drink coffee I get pain in my eye." "Take the spoon out of your cup."
- Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony? The guy that can hold a cup of coffee in each hand and 6 donuts
- I hired a guy to represent me in court today. He was very cheap and brought me the best cup of coffee. Unfortunately we lost the case.
He told me next time hire a barrister and not a barista. - John's mother in-law comes for a visit. So, how long will you stay,mom? As long as i'm welcomed. Oh, that's too bad, you should at least stay for a cup of coffee
- When I drink a cup of coffee, I cannot sleep after. \-Its the opposite for me
\-How?
\-Well, when i sleep, i cannot drink coffee... - A blonde was in a hotel The waiter knocked on the door and asked if she wanted coffee in bed?
The blonde answered "Well, I would rather have it in a cup" - Garfield the cat, feeling lonely during the COVID-19 pandemic, wakes up, has a cup of coffee and thinks to himself... "I just want to get back to Nermal."
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Coffee Cup One Liners
Which coffee cup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coffee cup? I can suggest the ones about cup of tea and coffee bad.
- I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car Now everyone waves at me
- A British man takes a sip of his coffee. And says, This not my cup of tea.
- I don't like coffee It's not my cup of tea
- Coffee. Not my cup of tea.
- How does ChatGPT make coffee? It uses its neural networks to brew the perfect cup.
- I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee... ...safe tea first, though.
- Someone in the office has stolen my coffee cup It's safe to say I've been mug'ed
- Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?" Husband: "You said you needed k cups."
- Why did the bee order a cup of coffee? For a quick buzz
- An apple will wake you up quicker than a strong cup of coffee If it's thrown hard enough.
- What do they call a cup of coffee in China? A cup of Zhou
- Girl, are you a cup of coffee? Because with you, I can't get any sleep.
- What do you call a cup of inappropriate coffee? an ejaculatte
- Coffee... If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.
- Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans How does he sleep at night.
Gather Around for Fun Coffee Cup Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about coffee cup you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coffee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coffee cup pranks.
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mailman's last day on the job.
After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate s**... he has ever experienced.
When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...
...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meanwhile in rural Ireland...
p**... pays a visit to his old friend Tommy one afternoon. Tommy takes a seat in the kitchen whilst p**... makes him a cup of coffee. Tommy, being the inquisitive type, says "I can't help but notice there p**... that ye have a lot of empty milk bottles in your fridge so ye do, why exactly would that be?"
To which p**... replies " Oh thats just in case a visitor wants a black coffee"
How do you make a latte?
Add $5 to a cup of coffee.
A man opens the door for his moother-in-law
And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"
The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."
"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"
The IT department hates me
I finish my delicious cup of morning coffee and kindly let them know "I successfully downloaded java again!"
A student visits his teacher man early in the morning
And sits on in a chair. The teacher man looks up and offers the pupil a cup of coffee.
"Sure, I'll take a mug of joe," says the student.
The teacher pours a cup, and gives it to the kid. The student takes a sip, and nearly gags.
"The is terrible! Seriously! What is this, mud??"
"Well," the professor replies, "it was ground just this morning."
Thermos
A guy walks into a store and sees something. He asks what it is. "Why, it's a thermos." The clerk replies. "What does it do?" The man asks. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The clerk replies. "By golly, that's amazing!" The man replies. So he buys the thermos.
The next day he's walking down the street when he sees his friends. "What's that?" They ask. "Why, it's a thermos." The man replies. "What does it do?" The friends ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The man replies. "By golly that's amazing!" The friends exclaim, "what do you have in it?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cup of coffee just walked up to my girlfriend and called her a w**...'. I didn't even react.
I think my caffeine tolerance is too high
The Snail Salesman
The traveling snail salesman delivered snails to restaurants in his station wagon. After travelling and working for half the day, he stopped at a gas station for a cup of coffee. When he came out he found his car was no longer there. The snail salesman cried out "Where did my escargot cargo car go?!"
A man goes to the doctor...
and he says, "Doc, my eye hurts when I drink coffee."
Doctor says, "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?"
A man orders a coffee
A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".
The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".
The bartender says "That would be $2.60".
"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he throws them on the ground.
The bartender doesn't want to get involved in a fight so he just picks up the money and he brings the man his coffee.
A week later, the same man enters the bar. He orders a coffee again but this time he pays with a five dollar bill.
The bartender smelled an opportunity for revenge and when he brings the coffee, he throws 48 nickels on the ground as change. The client throws 2 extra dimes on the floor and orders a second coffee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone was taken down to the police station after they were caught drinking v**... from a coffee cup while driving.
They took a mug shot.
A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee
A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee, no laptop, no tablet or no phone, he just sits there, like a psychopath ..........
There's a C cup, a T cup, and a P cup
The C cup is for drinking coffee
The T cup is for drinking tea
And the P cup is used to get a Mexican to work
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who is the most popular guy on a n**... beach?
The guy carrying two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts.
*ba dum dishhhh* Yeah, don't worry people. Like this joke, I recycle a lot of things. No need to thank me - you're welcome.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was having trouble staying awake at work but my coworker beat me to the last cup of coffee in the p**....
It's like they say: if you lose you snooze.
You drink too much coffee? I reduced my coffee consumption from 4 cups a day to 3 cups
Simply by getting a bigger mug.
I'm old fashioned when it comes to coffee. If someone offers me a hot cup of java, I say no thanks.
I'd much prefer a cup of C++.
When is the best time to drink a cup of coffee?
After you finished making one
Throwing hot coffee in someone's face
Not my cup of tea.
If a teacup holds tea and a coffee cup holds coffee then what does a peecup hold?
Three Mexicans, a lawn mower, two leaf blowers and a half dozen rakes will fit in a peecup (pickup with Spanish accent).
Why do gay guys love coffee so much?
Because they can't resist a hot cup of Joe
Adults used to tell me that if I went into the inner city, I could get robbed by a drug dealer...
I finally understand now, $5 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous
If EA owned Starbucks...
They'd give you the coffee and tell you to build your own cup.
I saw two women having to share a coffee
2 Broke Girls 1 Cup
An Australian man sits down in an American diner
And orders a cup of coffee. The waiter comes back and hands the man his drink. He takes a drink and calls the waiter back.
Is something the matter? Says the waiter.
Yes, said the man. I ordered a coffee, but I got a cup of hazelnut creamer.
I'm sorry for the mix up sir, but you did specifically order a cup of hazelnut coffeemate.
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
One for $1, three for $4
A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.
I told my wife she makes a mean cup of coffee.
"Oh, thank you! Was it that great?" she asked.
I reminded I just told her it was average.
I went up to a homeless man sitting on a bench in the town centre today with a cup of coffee for him.
I sat next to him and asked how he'd got in this position. He said to me "You know, three weeks ago I had it all, my own accomodation, a cook, good food, the internet,TV, I used to go to the gym,to the swimming pool, the library, everything" I replied, "Blimey, that's a bit rough, what happened, bad luck, divorce,drugs,alcohol problems"? He said "Na, I got released from prison"
A man is sipping on his coffee at a cafe
He needs to visit bathroom. He doesn't want anyone to steal&drink his coffee during his absence so he leaves a sign on a cup that says: "I've spit in it".
He goes to the bathroom and comes back to find another sign on his coffee that says: "Me too"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking hot coffee in thin plastic cups reduces men's s**... performance by 80%!
It burns tongue and fingers!
A cup of coffee enters a room
and it goes where's the creamer haha lol
I think my thermos is broken
It says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold but I put in 3 cups of coffee and a popsicle and now they're both ruined
It was an odd day
I got up at 7.
I had three cups of coffee.
I arrived at work at 9
I had one meeting
Then 5 phone calls.
The joke is in the title.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Asking for a 'Cup of Joe' is a fine way to ask for a cup of coffee...
Unless you're at a s**... bank.
I finally got the attention of my crush
But... I'm not sure if I still want that date...
Like really she overreacted like she's one of the crazy ones! She even called the police. I just asked for her number and brought her a cup of her favorite coffee!
I mean I would LOVE for someone to wake me up with coffee, a kiss to my forehead and live music in my living room.
I used to sponsor some kid in Africa
At least until I realized I could get a daily cup of coffee for the same price
Two old ladies go out for a coffee
Two old ladies who have been friends for a very long time go out for a cup of coffee.
One says to the other,
"I know we've been friends for a long time, but I'm pretty old now, you know how it is, and it so happens that I've forgotten what you're called. Could you remind me what your name was?"
The other lady silently kept stirring her coffee and after a brief pause said,
"Is this urgent?"
A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...
"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Wow that's awesome," his boss asks, "What do you have in there?" The guy answers, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy dies and goes to h**....
Satan meets him and tells him he's got to pick between 2 rooms. They go into the first room, and it's full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. He takes him to the second room, and it's full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of s**..., drinking coffee. Guy figures that he likes coffee, and he'll get used to the smell, so he chooses the second room. He gets a cup of coffee, sits down and takes a sip. At that moment, Satan sticks his head back in the room and calls out Ok, everybody. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!
"Doctor, everytime i drink hot coffee my eye will feel hurt."
"Hmm, i never heard about this before. Anyways can you make a coffee and drink it now?
Of course."
The doctor give him a cup of hot water, an instant coffee and a spoon. The old man makes the coffee as usually and drink it. Then the doctor said,
"Oh i see! You forgot to remove the spoon!
The genie of the lamp
Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.
The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car and my house in exchange of the lamp." The poor accepted the deal.
The rich man wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" he asked for a very big house and a better car.the genie replied : « Sorry sir,i only serve tea and coffee »
I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee.
I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly.
At the window, there was a delay.
Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated.
"I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."
Genie of the lamp (repost warning).
Two neighbours, one rich, one poor meet at their fence.
The poor one is holding a cup of tea and a lamp : "Every morning, I rub this lamp and a genie comes out and asks : "What do you want?" . I usually ask for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour gawks, "I'll give you my car and my house in exchange for the lamp." "Wow, Ok", says the poor man.
The rich man rubs the lamp and a genie comes out : "Ask what you want my master".
Rich man laughs: "I want a very big house and a better car. The genie replies : "Sorry sir, I only serve tea and coffee ".
An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.
After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the server: "Yes, it's good. I'll have this".
Joke my ADHD brain thought of out of nowhere
So the Hogwarts police confiscated a coffee cup suspecting it of dangerous enchantments. Turns out the police that grabbed it drank a bit too much butterbeer. It was just a normal coffee cup that belonged to some arrogant human thief.
It was a smug muggle mugger's mug.
I saw a homeless man sleeping outside the train station this morning.
Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.
He immediately woke up and said, Thank you.
No problem. I smiled.
He looked at me again and said, It's empty.
I said, I know, it's meant to be a chimney.
At The Door
One day, a woman's doorbell rang. The weather was very bad. The woman opened the door, and there stood a young girl, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. The woman felt sorry for her, so she asked the young woman into the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off.
The woman wanted to make conversation as the two drank their hot chocolate, so she asked the Jehovah's Witness, "So, what's the message you're passing along?'"
The girl stuttered and said, "I'm not sure. I never got this far."
Let's go way back ...
A salesman really sold me on the their new product. I bought one immediately.
The next day at lunch the guys were admiring my new purchase. "What is it?", they asked.
"It's called a "thermos". The salesman told me that it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, so of course I bought it."
"Wow. What do you have in it?"
"Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."
A grandmother was surprised when she wakes up to a cup of coffee from her 8 year old grandson
A grandmother was surprised when she wakes up to a cup of coffee from her 8 year old grandson. She gulped down the most bitter coffee she has ever tasted but she downs it all because she wants her grandson to feel like he made something his grandma loved. At the bottom of the cup, she found three little green army men.
Puzzled, she asked, Honey, what are these toys doing in my coffee?
The boy replied I'm just doing what it says on the TV, grandma
The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.
Traditional joke from my childhood #4
A man went to a coffee shop and ordered two cups of coffee.
When the waiter gave him his two cups of coffee he told him "Drink the second cup first." The man was confused and asked "but what's the difference?" the waiter said that if he drinks the first one first the second one will get cold
At the coffee shop, I had to give back the "Organic Matcha Soy Latte for Meghan"
I tried it, but it wasn't my cup of tea
A man walks into a store and he saw a thermos.
The clerk walks up to him and asks, "May I help you with anything?"
"Yea! What is that?"
"Why that's a thermos!"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"I'll take it"
The next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers ask him, "What's that!"
"It's a thermos"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"So whatcha got in it?"
"Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."
Eddie izzard bee joke
Beekeepers as well say - I want to be a beekeeper. I want to keep bees. No I don't want them to get away, I want to keep them. Too much freedom. I want bees on elastic so when they get Poland they come back here. My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper before him. I want to walk in their footsteps and their footsteps were like this. I'm covered in bees covered in bees is actually a job. Isn't it it they must lose it beekeepers must lose it occasionally. You know you're there you got the netting you've got two thousand bees and essentially you're trying to steal honey. mMorning morning morning hello not coming in hello - look there's a Ferrari over there can you see that Ferrari yes it's going bet fast. Isn't it well morning thank you must be just walking back with all these bees room at some point in let's go what * am i doing I'm coming to me hell! Goddamn be and you don't get the normal perks of a normal job like people who work in an office. They have other people there you can flirt you know you're gonna. Hey hey you new here are you getting lift you want a coffee is he's gonna get a coffee did you know. I like my coffee like I like my women in a plastic cup. Beekeepers can't do that. Hello there you're in the street. You're new aren't you? You want a cup of coffee. Just no problems no no real problem. Throwing a cup of coffee from you you're covered in bees. I like my women like I like my coffee. They're coming to me back off back off back off back off back off always just behind you if beekeepers did get together and go on a sort of general outing and they in a van with a load of bees flying faster faster faster faster faster let go put your foot down yes
