Coffee Beans Jokes

30 coffee beans jokes and hilarious coffee beans puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coffee beans that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Coffee Beans Short Jokes

Short coffee beans jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coffee beans humour may include short java coffee jokes also.

  1. A barista was accused of stealing coffee beans by his boss. However, when they looked into the case, they found that there were no grounds to press charges.
  2. How do you make Turkish coffee? You grind up 1.5 million armenian coffee beans and lie about it for a century.
  3. My online coffee bean order wasn't eligible for overnight delivery. They told me they only ship ground.
  4. Doctor, my girlfriend grinds her teeth while sleeping. Dr: Put some coffee beans in her mouth and set the alarm for 7:30am
  5. What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans? "That's grounds for divorce!"
  6. My wife made coffee this morning and I ended up with a piece of coffee bean in my teeth at the weekly department meeting. My lawyer has informed me this qualifies as grounds for divorce.
  7. I like my women how I like my coffee beans... thrown in a burlap sack and transported halfway across South America
  8. Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
  9. Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed m**...? It was sentenced to death by decaffeination.

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Coffee Beans One Liners

Which coffee beans one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coffee beans? I can suggest the ones about coffee bible and coffee bad.

  1. How do you discipline a coffee bean? You ground it.
  2. Why were the coffee beans upset? Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.
  3. How do you punish your coffee beans? You ground it.
  4. Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans How does he sleep at night.
  5. Why can you trust a coffee roaster? Because he never spills the beans :-)
  6. What do you get when you put coffee beans in the ground? Ground coffee
  7. In which Olympic event do coffee beans win gold? The decafalon
  8. Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate? Grinder
    (Thanks, Ellen)
  9. Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form. Only when it's ground.
  10. What do you call a coffee bean who lost both of his legs in the war? Decalf.
  11. Why does the hipster make c**... coffee? The beans are always under-ground.

Uproarious Coffee Beans Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about coffee beans you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brew coffee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coffee beans pranks.

An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...

... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."
"Why the long clause?" asked the barista, making the drink.
"For ants," replied the anteater. "You have to dig real fast to get those tasty little suckers."

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.


In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.
But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans, but the bulk of the shipment comprised of mayonnaise. You see, Mexicans love mayonnaise. That's why when it happened on a sad day in May 5th, the whole mexican wept for the fallen sailors and the delicious products they were supposed to enjoy.
Since then, the day of mourning came to be: >!Sinko De Mayo!<