Coffe Jokes

Following is our collection of iced puns and latte one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coffe jokes for adults, dirty teaspoon jokes and clean cocoa dad gags for kids.

The Best Coffe Puns

Coffee is the silent victim in our house...

It gets mugged every day.

I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.

Hand-picked from a third world country.

...I'll show myself out.

This coffee tastes like dirt

Well it was ground this morning

Just had a coffee and it was so black and rich,

a Kardashian just tried to sleep with it.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.


What do you call a sick cup of coffe?

A coughy mug

I like my coffee like I like my coffee.

Women.

Between Coffee and Cocaine…

…it seems like the country of Colombia just wants to wake up the world.

Coffee

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...

I really need to wash some mugs

I like my coffee like I like my women...

Full of whiskey.

Coffee maker in the IT department doesn't work

Try reinstalling Java.


Coffee Joke [OC]

So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"

The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."

^^^I'm ^^^Sorry.

My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?"

Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?"

Coffee filled to the brim

Boss : Muthu, how do you get it right? For 30 years you have been bringing me coffee filled to the brim every morning without spilling it?

Muthu: Before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.

I don't like coffee

It's not my cup of tea

Coffee.

Not my cup of tea.

My coffee wasn't strong enough.

So, yesterday instead of using water, I brewed with Red Bull. I got halfway to work before I realised I'd forgotten my car.

Two coffees were walking down the street...

One of them was mugged!

Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?

It's the most basic drink there is.


Why were the coffee beans upset?

Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.

What does a coffee pot say when it's feeling sorry for itself?

Pour me...

:-/

Courtesy Waffle House marketing team from an email i received today.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again.

Where does coffee go when it dies?

A bitter place.

"This coffee tastes like dirt!"

"What did you expect, it was ground this morning!"

I like my woman like I like my coffe

With no pubic hair.

why can't coffee conduct electricity?

because it is grounded

Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc".

Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.

1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.

2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.

3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.

How do you take your coffee?

**Barista:** How do you take your coffee?

**Customer:** Ferguson Police

**Barista:** Huh?

**Customer:** Black, two shots.

Coffee News Gem

Game Warden: Fishing?

Person without fishing license: Nah, drowning worms.

I have a coffee sweater.

I put it on over my tea shirt.

What are coffee shops in Russia called?

Tsarbucks.

Coffee

If your eyes hurt when you drink coffee.....

You have to take the spoon out!

Between the Coffee and the Cocaine

I think it's Colombia's mission to keep the world awake.

What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?

Baristas

I like my coffee like I like my slaves....

...free!

Life is like a cup of coffe.

Dark and bitter.

I like my Coffee, like my President. . .

Black with some cream. But don't acknowledge the cream because it's so much more impressive to have it straight black.

I like my coffee like I like my women...

...Ground up in the freezer.

If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?

Pot

I like my coffee how I like my women

Dark, delicate, and shipped to me in a box straight from Colombia

Don't say coffee is better than tea in the UK

You might get mugged

Coffee

Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running.

Coffee Has a Rough Time At Work.

It gets mugged ever single morning! :(

Did you know that most coffee flavorings have a low pH?

Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic

Why did the coffee burn the hipster?

Because it was hot.

I think my coffee pot is an alcoholic

It gets drunk at least once a day even when no one else is around

I like my coffee like Hamilton liked the source of his income.

Black, and made by my wife.

I like my coffee like I like my women

Sent back for not being hot enough

My coffee this morning is like my ex

Hot and bitter

Coffee is the most silent victim ever.

It gets mugged every day.

I like my coffee the way I like my slaves

Free

Do you know the difference between a potty and a coffe pot?

No? Don't you ever invite me for coffee!

So an Australian walks ito a cafe and orders coffe

The barista says want any creamer

The Australian replies Just coffee, mate

Why does coffee take so long to make in a purcolator?

Because it's not called a purconow.

My coffee reminded me of Ferguson today

Dark and full of shots.

I like my coffee how I like my women

Ground up, in a bag, and in the fridge. ahh, the nice bitter taste of it...

I like my coffee like I like my women.

I don't like coffee.

Got my coffee this morning, full of grounds, ugh.

\#noFilter

Coffee...

If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.

Coffee Humor

At work this morning I was informed a coworkers Dad had died. Another co workers wife had a baby.
Later I saw my boss at the coffee pot. I said " just so you know Jeff's Dad died. On a lighter note Bill's wife had a baby. So we're at a net zero."

I Like My Coffe Like I Like My Slaves

Free

Coffee Shop

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my butt trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.

I like my coffee like my women.

Someone secretly replaced my woman with Folger's Crystals. I can't tell the difference.

Coffee is the only thing that works hard

when it's black

I like my coffee like I like my women...

I've heard multiple versions of this joke. Please comment with you're favorite.

Coffee.

It's not everybody's cup of tea.

What does coffee and sexy woman have in common?

Both too hot for me :(

How do you take your coffee?

Seriously..very seriously

I like my coffee how I like my life

Once thrilling, but now a mundane daily ritual that has me questioning what I ever found enjoyable about it to begin with.

I take my coffee how I take my women...

ground up and in the freezer.

There is an abundance of caffe jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes and coffe puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any mug witze you can hear about coffe.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes