Coff Jokes

Following is our collection of african puns and slowly one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coff jokes for adults, dirty black jokes and clean cons dad gags for kids.

The Best Coff Puns

Coffee is the silent victim in our house...

It gets mugged every day.

I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.

Hand-picked from a third world country.

...I'll show myself out.

This coffee tastes like dirt

Well it was ground this morning

Just had a coffee and it was so black and rich,

a Kardashian just tried to sleep with it.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.


I like my coffee like I like my coffee.

Women.

Between Coffee and Cocaine…

…it seems like the country of Colombia just wants to wake up the world.

Coffee

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...

I really need to wash some mugs

I like my coffee like I like my women...

Full of whiskey.

Coffee maker in the IT department doesn't work

Try reinstalling Java.

Coffee Joke [OC]

So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"

The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."

^^^I'm ^^^Sorry.


Coffee filled to the brim

Boss : Muthu, how do you get it right? For 30 years you have been bringing me coffee filled to the brim every morning without spilling it?

Muthu: Before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.

I don't like coffee

It's not my cup of tea

Why do some coffins have pillows? They aint gonna wake up with a sore neck

Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to

Coffee.

Not my cup of tea.

Two coffees were walking down the street...

One of them was mugged!

My coffee wasn't strong enough.

So, yesterday instead of using water, I brewed with Red Bull. I got halfway to work before I realised I'd forgotten my car.

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man replied,

"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....

The policeman fainted.

Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?

It's the most basic drink there is.


Why were the coffee beans upset?

Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.

What does a coffee pot say when it's feeling sorry for itself?

Pour me...

:-/

Courtesy Waffle House marketing team from an email i received today.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again.

Where does coffee go when it dies?

A bitter place.

"This coffee tastes like dirt!"

"What did you expect, it was ground this morning!"

why can't coffee conduct electricity?

because it is grounded

Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc".

Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.

How do you take your coffee?

**Barista:** How do you take your coffee?

**Customer:** Ferguson Police

**Barista:** Huh?

**Customer:** Black, two shots.

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.

1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.

2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.

3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.

I have a coffee sweater.

I put it on over my tea shirt.

Coffee News Gem

Game Warden: Fishing?

Person without fishing license: Nah, drowning worms.

What are coffee shops in Russia called?

Tsarbucks.

Coffee

If your eyes hurt when you drink coffee.....

You have to take the spoon out!

Between the Coffee and the Cocaine

I think it's Colombia's mission to keep the world awake.

What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?

Baristas

A coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral...

A coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral. As it was being lowered, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out." The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "sorry mate, it's too late. I've already done the paperwork."

I like my Coffee, like my President. . .

Black with some cream. But don't acknowledge the cream because it's so much more impressive to have it straight black.

I like my coffee like I like my slaves....

...free!

If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?

Pot

I like my coffee like I like my women...

...Ground up in the freezer.

I like my coffee how I like my women

Dark, delicate, and shipped to me in a box straight from Colombia

Don't say coffee is better than tea in the UK

You might get mugged

Coffee

Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running.

Coffee Has a Rough Time At Work.

It gets mugged ever single morning! :(

Did you know that most coffee flavorings have a low pH?

Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic

I think my coffee pot is an alcoholic

It gets drunk at least once a day even when no one else is around

Why did the coffee burn the hipster?

Because it was hot.

My coffee this morning is like my ex

Hot and bitter

I like my coffee like Hamilton liked the source of his income.

Black, and made by my wife.

I like my coffee like I like my women

Sent back for not being hot enough

I like my coffee the way I like my slaves

Free

Coffee is the most silent victim ever.

It gets mugged every day.

My coffee reminded me of Ferguson today

Dark and full of shots.

I like my coffee how I like my women

Ground up, in a bag, and in the fridge. ahh, the nice bitter taste of it...

Why does coffee take so long to make in a purcolator?

Because it's not called a purconow.

Coffee...

If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

I don't like coffee.

Got my coffee this morning, full of grounds, ugh.

\#noFilter

Coffee Humor

At work this morning I was informed a coworkers Dad had died. Another co workers wife had a baby.
Later I saw my boss at the coffee pot. I said " just so you know Jeff's Dad died. On a lighter note Bill's wife had a baby. So we're at a net zero."

I Like My Coffe Like I Like My Slaves

Free

I like my coffee like I like my women...

I've heard multiple versions of this joke. Please comment with you're favorite.

What do you call a Chinese anti-vaxxer?

Wu Ping Coff

Coffee is the only thing that works hard

when it's black

I like my coffee like my women.

Someone secretly replaced my woman with Folger's Crystals. I can't tell the difference.

Coffee Shop

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my butt trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.

How do you take your coffee?

Seriously..very seriously

What does coffee and sexy woman have in common?

Both too hot for me :(

What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans?

"That's grounds for divorce!"

Are you a coffin?

Beacause i'm dying to get into you

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's
going.

I take my coffee how I take my women...

ground up and in the freezer.

Coffee.

It's not everybody's cup of tea.

I like my coffee how I like my life

Once thrilling, but now a mundane daily ritual that has me questioning what I ever found enjoyable about it to begin with.

Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate?

Grinder

(Thanks, Ellen)

Coffee With No Cream

A guy walks into a coffee shop.

Waitress: What can I get you?

Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream?

Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?

I like my coffee like my women...

Piping hot and all over my lap in the McDonald's drive thru

(backs away very slowly, opens door without turning around, lurks out...)

I like my coffee how I like my slaves...

Free

(This is a repost, I've seen it here before. But I used the joke today and thought some others would like to be remembered of it as well)

I like my coffee like I like my women. . .

from the corner of the street and I'm not willing to pay more than $2.40

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte.



Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

I like my coffee like I like my women...

Ground fine and stored in the freezer to maximize the freshness.


Oh man this is awful. Don't kill me.

A coffee shop opened up inside a strip club

Its name is "Grinds for Divorce"

I don't know what I'd do without coffee...

Probably 25 to life in the state penitentiary.

If coffee could talk...

Would it be called javawocky?

Coffee asked "Why do I always get coal in my stocking."

Santa: Because your on the Not Tea list.

I was in a coffee shop when something exploded and came really close to severing my head.

I said, "Wow! I was almost decaffeinated!"

How do you want your coffee?

Crisp.

There is an abundance of coffee jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 85 funniest jokes and coff puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lap witze you can hear about coff.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes