The Best 85 Coff Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Coff jokes. There are some coff slowly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these coff cons puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Coff Jokes and Puns
I like my coffee how I like my women
Ground up, in a bag, and in the fridge. ahh, the nice bitter taste of it...
why can't coffee conduct electricity?
because it is grounded
Two coffees were walking down the street...
One of them was mugged!
I like my Coffee, like my President. . .
Black with some cream. But don't acknowledge the cream because it's so much more impressive to have it straight black.
My coffee wasn't strong enough.
So, yesterday instead of using water, I brewed with Red Bull. I got halfway to work before I realised I'd forgotten my car.
I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.
Hand-picked from a third world country.
...I'll show myself out.
Coffee Joke [OC]
So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"
The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."
^^^I'm ^^^Sorry.
![Coff joke, Coffee Joke [OC]](/images/jokes/coff-jokes-i-like-my-woman-like-i-like-my-coffen-n-with-no-pu.jpg "Coff joke, Coffee Joke [OC]")
Coffee maker in the IT department doesn't work
Try reinstalling Java.
What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans?
"That's grounds for divorce!"
I take my coffee how I take my women...
ground up and in the freezer.
I like my coffee like my women...
Piping hot and all over my lap in the McDonald's drive thru
(backs away very slowly, opens door without turning around, lurks out...)
You can explore coff african reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean coff black dad jokes. There are also coff puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again.
Why were the coffee beans upset?
Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.
My coffee reminded me of Ferguson today
Dark and full of shots.
Are you a coffin?
Beacause i'm dying to get into you
I like my coffee like I like my women...
I've heard multiple versions of this joke. Please comment with you're favorite.
How do you take your coffee?
**Barista:** How do you take your coffee?
**Customer:** Ferguson Police
**Barista:** Huh?
**Customer:** Black, two shots.
A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin
...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.
What does a coffee pot say when it's feeling sorry for itself?
Pour me...
:-/
Courtesy Waffle House marketing team from an email i received today.
I Like My Coffe Like I Like My Slaves
Free
A coffee shop opened up inside a strip club
Its name is "Grinds for Divorce"
Coffee With No Cream
A guy walks into a coffee shop.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream?
Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?
What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?
Baristas
I think my coffee pot is an alcoholic
It gets drunk at least once a day even when no one else is around
Why does coffee take so long to make in a purcolator?
Because it's not called a purconow.
Coffee
Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running.
Coffee...
If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.
I like my coffee like I like my women...
Ground fine and stored in the freezer to maximize the freshness.
Oh man this is awful. Don't kill me.
Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?
Cause it doesn't want to be latte.
Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!
Coffee is the silent victim in our house...
It gets mugged every day.
Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?
It's the most basic drink there is.
I like my coffee how I like my life
Once thrilling, but now a mundane daily ritual that has me questioning what I ever found enjoyable about it to begin with.
Coffee.
Not my cup of tea.
I like my coffee like I like my women. . .
from the corner of the street and I'm not willing to pay more than $2.40
Coffee Humor
At work this morning I was informed a coworkers Dad had died. Another co workers wife had a baby.
Later I saw my boss at the coffee pot. I said " just so you know Jeff's Dad died. On a lighter note Bill's wife had a baby. So we're at a net zero."
Coffee asked "Why do I always get coal in my stocking."
Santa: Because your on the Not Tea list.
I don't know what I'd do without coffee...
Probably 25 to life in the state penitentiary.
What do you call a Chinese anti-vaxxer?
Wu Ping Coff
Coffee is the only thing that works hard
when it's black
What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's
going.
Why did the coffee burn the hipster?
Because it was hot.
Just had a coffee and it was so black and rich,
a Kardashian just tried to sleep with it.
If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?
Pot
How do you take your coffee?
Seriously..very seriously
What does coffee and sexy woman have in common?
Both too hot for me :(
Between the Coffee and the Cocaine
I think it's Colombia's mission to keep the world awake.
What are coffee shops in Russia called?
Tsarbucks.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
Between Coffee and Cocaine…
…it seems like the country of Colombia just wants to wake up the world.
Where does coffee go when it dies?
A bitter place.
Did you know that most coffee flavorings have a low pH?
Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic
Don't say coffee is better than tea in the UK
You might get mugged
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
I have a coffee sweater.
I put it on over my tea shirt.
Coffee filled to the brim
Boss : Muthu, how do you get it right? For 30 years you have been bringing me coffee filled to the brim every morning without spilling it?
Muthu: Before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.
Coffee News Gem
Game Warden: Fishing?
Person without fishing license: Nah, drowning worms.
A coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral...
A coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral. As it was being lowered, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out." The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "sorry mate, it's too late. I've already done the paperwork."
Coffee Has a Rough Time At Work.
It gets mugged ever single morning! :(
Coffee
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs
Got my coffee this morning, full of grounds, ugh.
\#noFilter
I like my coffee the way I like my slaves
Free
I like my coffee like I like my women.
I don't like coffee.
Coffee is the most silent victim ever.
It gets mugged every day.
I like my coffee like my women.
Someone secretly replaced my woman with Folger's Crystals. I can't tell the difference.
I like my coffee like I like my women...
...Ground up in the freezer.
I like my coffee like I like my women...
Full of whiskey.
Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc".
Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.
This coffee tastes like dirt
Well it was ground this morning
I like my coffee how I like my women
Dark, delicate, and shipped to me in a box straight from Colombia
Coffee
If your eyes hurt when you drink coffee.....
You have to take the spoon out!
My coffee this morning is like my ex
Hot and bitter
Why do some coffins have pillows? They aint gonna wake up with a sore neck
Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to
I like my coffee like I like my women
Sent back for not being hot enough
Coffee.
It's not everybody's cup of tea.
I like my coffee like Hamilton liked the source of his income.
Black, and made by my wife.
Coffee Shop
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my butt trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.
"This coffee tastes like dirt!"
"What did you expect, it was ground this morning!"
I like my coffee like I like my slaves....
...free!
I don't like coffee
It's not my cup of tea
I like my coffee like I like my coffee.
Women.
even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14
Extremely basic
Before coffee....Hating everybody.
After coffee.....Feeling great about hating everybody.
What did the coffee do after it got mugged?
It got drunk.
My coffee stays in house
It's grounded.
I like my coffee the way I like people.
I don't like coffee.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the coff coffee jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working coff lap piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.