Coff Jokes
102 coff jokes and hilarious coff puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coff that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Coff Short Jokes
Short coff jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coff humour may include short slowly jokes also.
- My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?" Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?" - So an Australian walks ito a cafe and orders coffe The barista says want any creamer
The Australian replies Just coffee, mate
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Coff One Liners
Which coff one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coff? I can suggest the ones about coffee and preferably.
- What do you call a sick cup of coffe? A coughy mug
- Life is like a cup of coffe. Dark and bitter.
- Why were there coffe beans at the subway station? Because they were under-ground.
- I like my men like I like my coffe. Not in my mouth.
- I like my woman like my coffe quiet and docile.
- TWA airlines flight Hostess asks "TWA coffe sir?" "I prefer T thanks!"
- I like my woman like I like my coffe With no p**... hair.
- What do you call a Chinese anti-vaxxer? Wu Ping Coff
Uproarious Coff Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about coff you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coff pranks.
why can't coffee conduct electricity?
because it is grounded
Two coffees were walking down the street...
One of them was mugged!
I like my Coffee, like my President. . .
Black with some cream. But don't acknowledge the cream because it's so much more impressive to have it straight black.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.
Hand-picked from a third world country.
...I'll show myself out.
Coffee Joke
So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"
The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."
^^^I'm ^^^Sorry.
Coffee maker in the IT department doesn't work
Try reinstalling java.
£650 for a coffin lid on eBay...
What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans?
"That's grounds for divorce!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I take my coffee how I take my women...
ground up and in the freezer.
Why were the coffee beans upset?
Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.
My coffee reminded me of Ferguson today
Dark and full of shots.
Are you a coffin?
Beacause i'm dying to get into you
I like my coffee like I like my women...
I've heard multiple versions of this joke. Please comment with you're favorite.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you take your coffee?
**Barista:** How do you take your coffee?
**Customer:** Ferguson Police
**Barista:** Huh?
**Customer:** Black, two shots.
A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin
...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a coffee p**... say when it's feeling sorry for itself?
Pour me...
:-/
Courtesy waffle house marketing team from an email i received today.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A coffee shop opened up inside a s**... club
Its name is "Grinds for Divorce"
Coffee With No Cream
A guy walks into a coffee shop.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream?
Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?
What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?
Baristas
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think my coffee p**... is an alcoholic
It gets drunk at least once a day even when no one else is around
Why does coffee take so long to make in a purcolator?
Because it's not called a purconow.
Coffee
Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running.
Coffee...
If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.
I like my coffee like I like my women...
Ground fine and stored in the freezer to maximize the freshness.
Oh man this is awful. Don't kill me.
What coffee is always faced backwards when it's handed to you?
Decaf
Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?
Cause it doesn't want to be latte.
Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!
Coffee is the silent victim in our house...
It gets mugged every day.
Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?
It's the most basic drink there is.
I like my coffee how I like my life
Once thrilling, but now a mundane daily ritual that has me questioning what I ever found enjoyable about it to begin with.
Coffee.
Not my cup of tea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Coffee Humor
At work this morning I was informed a coworkers Dad had died. Another co workers wife had a baby.
Later I saw my boss at the coffee p**.... I said " just so you know Jeff's Dad died. On a lighter note Bill's wife had a baby. So we're at a net zero."
Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate?
Grinder
(Thanks, Ellen)
Coffee asked "Why do I always get coal in my stocking."
Santa: Because your on the Not Tea list.
I don't know what I'd do without coffee...
Probably 25 to life in the state penitentiary.
Coffee is the only thing that works hard
when it's black
Why did the coffee burn the hipster?
Because it was hot.
Just had a coffee and it was so black and rich,
a Kardashian just tried to sleep with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?
p**...
How do you take your coffee?
Seriously..very seriously
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does coffee and s**... woman have in common?
Both too hot for me :(
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Between Coffee and c**...…
…it seems like the country of colombia just wants to wake up the world.
Where does coffee go when it dies?
A bitter place.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would you name a coffee shop in a f**... home?
Grim Horton's
I have a coffee table in my house.
It's decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
Did you know that most coffee flavorings have a low pH?
Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic
Don't say coffee is better than tea in the UK
You might get mugged
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
If coffee could talk...
Would it be called javawocky?
I have a coffee sweater.
I put it on over my tea shirt.
Coffee filled to the brim
Boss : Muthu, how do you get it right? For 30 years you have been bringing me coffee filled to the brim every morning without spilling it?
Muthu: Before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.
Coffee News Gem
Game Warden: Fishing?
Person without fishing license: Nah, drowning worms.
Coffee Has a Rough Time At Work.
It gets mugged ever single morning! :(
What coffee does Bill Clinton order from Starbucks?
Ariana Grande.
How do you get 1/8 coffee?
You put in half half in half
Coffee
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs
What did the coffee say when it was poured into the cup?
"Help! I'm being mugged!"
How do you want your coffee?
Crisp.
I don't like my coffee like I like my irony
Hitting me unexpectedly after flying through the air or coming out of my computer.
What did the coffee tell the latte?
Hey, you're kinda hot! 😉
Got my coffee this morning, full of grounds, ugh.
\#noFilter
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my coffee the way I like my slaves
Free
I like my coffee like my women.
Someone secretly replaced my woman with Folger's Crystals. I can't tell the difference.
I like my coffee like I like my women...
...Ground up in the freezer.
I like my coffee like I like my women...
Full of whiskey.
Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc".
Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.
This coffee tastes like dirt
Well it was ground this morning
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my coffee how I like my women
Dark, delicate, and shipped to me in a box straight from Colombia
My coffee this morning is like my ex
Hot and bitter
Why do some coffins have pillows? They aint gonna wake up with a sore neck
Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my coffee like I like my women
Sent back for not being hot enough
I like my coffee like Hamilton liked the source of his income.
Black, and made by my wife.
"This coffee tastes like dirt!"
"What did you expect, it was ground this morning!"
I like my coffee like I like my slaves....
...free!
I don't like coffee
It's not my cup of tea
even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14
Extremely basic
Before coffee....Hating everybody.
After coffee.....Feeling great about hating everybody.
My coffee stays in house
It's grounded.
I like my coffee the way I like people.
I don't like coffee.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Without an OnlyFans page.
I like my coffee like I like my women
Cold and from a truck stop
