Following is our collection of african puns and slowly one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coff jokes for adults, dirty black jokes and clean cons dad gags for kids.
It gets mugged every day.
Hand-picked from a third world country.
...I'll show myself out.
Well it was ground this morning
a Kardashian just tried to sleep with it.
It got mugged.
Women.
…it seems like the country of Colombia just wants to wake up the world.
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs
Full of whiskey.
Try reinstalling Java.
So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"
The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."
^^^I'm ^^^Sorry.
Boss : Muthu, how do you get it right? For 30 years you have been bringing me coffee filled to the brim every morning without spilling it?
Muthu: Before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.
It's not my cup of tea
Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to
Not my cup of tea.
One of them was mugged!
So, yesterday instead of using water, I brewed with Red Bull. I got halfway to work before I realised I'd forgotten my car.
...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"
The man replied,
"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....
The policeman fainted.
It's the most basic drink there is.
Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.
Pour me...
:-/
Courtesy Waffle House marketing team from an email i received today.
Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again.
A bitter place.
"What did you expect, it was ground this morning!"
because it is grounded
Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.
**Barista:** How do you take your coffee?
**Customer:** Ferguson Police
**Barista:** Huh?
**Customer:** Black, two shots.
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
I put it on over my tea shirt.
Game Warden: Fishing?
Person without fishing license: Nah, drowning worms.
Tsarbucks.
If your eyes hurt when you drink coffee.....
You have to take the spoon out!
I think it's Colombia's mission to keep the world awake.
Baristas
A coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral. As it was being lowered, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out." The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "sorry mate, it's too late. I've already done the paperwork."
Black with some cream. But don't acknowledge the cream because it's so much more impressive to have it straight black.
...free!
Pot
...Ground up in the freezer.
Dark, delicate, and shipped to me in a box straight from Colombia
You might get mugged
Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running.
It gets mugged ever single morning! :(
Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic
It gets drunk at least once a day even when no one else is around
Because it was hot.
Hot and bitter
Black, and made by my wife.
Sent back for not being hot enough
Free
It gets mugged every day.
Dark and full of shots.
Ground up, in a bag, and in the fridge. ahh, the nice bitter taste of it...
Because it's not called a purconow.
If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.
I don't like coffee.
\#noFilter
At work this morning I was informed a coworkers Dad had died. Another co workers wife had a baby.
Later I saw my boss at the coffee pot. I said " just so you know Jeff's Dad died. On a lighter note Bill's wife had a baby. So we're at a net zero."
Free
I've heard multiple versions of this joke. Please comment with you're favorite.
Wu Ping Coff
when it's black
Someone secretly replaced my woman with Folger's Crystals. I can't tell the difference.
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my butt trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.
Seriously..very seriously
Both too hot for me :(
"That's grounds for divorce!"
Beacause i'm dying to get into you
They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's
going.
ground up and in the freezer.
It's not everybody's cup of tea.
Once thrilling, but now a mundane daily ritual that has me questioning what I ever found enjoyable about it to begin with.
Grinder
(Thanks, Ellen)
A guy walks into a coffee shop.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Guy: May I get a coffee with no cream?
Waitress: Sorry, we just ran out of cream. How about a coffee with no milk?
Piping hot and all over my lap in the McDonald's drive thru
(backs away very slowly, opens door without turning around, lurks out...)
Free
(This is a repost, I've seen it here before. But I used the joke today and thought some others would like to be remembered of it as well)
from the corner of the street and I'm not willing to pay more than $2.40
Cause it doesn't want to be latte.
Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!
Ground fine and stored in the freezer to maximize the freshness.
Oh man this is awful. Don't kill me.
Its name is "Grinds for Divorce"
Probably 25 to life in the state penitentiary.
Would it be called javawocky?
Santa: Because your on the Not Tea list.
I said, "Wow! I was almost decaffeinated!"
Crisp.
There is an abundance of coffee jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 85 funniest jokes and coff puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lap witze you can hear about coff.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.